trying my best

I'm trying my best, I've left everything in my life and still I have no idea what I'm supposed to be doing I am falling into despair I was moved to leave everything and now I'm just out in the world with no focus and nothing. the answers that I seek in earnest don't come and I have no purpose I can't handle another day where I feel like I'm being punished. It feels like that and I'm tired of it. I'm moved not to do anything and I've "been with it" and trying not to have to make it go away but feeling like I have no focus or purpose is really making me depressed, i don't want to lose my way, any advice on how to make it through this difficult journey?

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I did everything that was asked of me, I've felt into the pain I've worked through so much and now I'm still being pushed to the brink of what I can handle

Hi LJ,

I would strongly suggest working with one of the Openhand Facilitators. Since you're based the US, I would suggest Jen...
http://www.openhandweb.org/node/7668

Acceptance of what is arising is a big part of the story. But whilst in the pain, then to look for the sense of self which is not the experience. All experience is transient. But the true self is not. It is the inviolable source of all experience.

So whilst in the experience, and when you've accepted it/honoured it, then look for the key that opens the doorway internally into the more disassociated state - It might be a word, a symbol, a vision or a creature/power animal. For me the word was "Open", which caused me to open into the sense of true self - to let go of any suffering.

You are not this experience!

Open

Your doing a good thing LJ.
In my eyes your a hero!

She hasn't written back yet, I am seriously considering getting out I don't want to but I can't go through this anymore I'm at the end of my ability to make it through I thought it would get better but it doesn't

Hi LJ,

I saw here on the website that you tried to contact me. I checked all my email folders and did not see anything that came through from you yet. Perhaps you can resend to me at stewii@tampabay.rr.com. You are not alone and this experience as painful as it feels for you right now does not define you. Is there anything right now that might bring you some sense of peace? Perhaps to step outside and look up at the stars, watch the sunset? What is it that brings you a sense of connection and peace? You are confronting the things that define and limit you and I know it is not easy. People here on this site can relate to what you are feeling and experiencing and I for one am sending you a heartful of support! Please resend your e-mail and I will be in touch with you.

With love
Jen

My entire life, I have been pushed, coerced and manipulated by people and forces around me to the point where I was ready to take my own life. My best friend saved me and convinced me to promise to never try to take my life again without at least reaching out to him first.

Not so long ago, I fell back into that dark place. I was at the point where I was ready to send him a later apologizing for not being able to keep the promise.

At that moment, something in me clicked. I realized that something had to change in my life. I decided then that I was going to take my life back--one step at a time. The effect has been immediate...and empowering!

There will always be external people/forces/situations that will try and push you. Even if it doesn't seem like it right now, I promise--you are stronger than you can possibly imagine! You must decide to take back control of your life. Do not compromise or back down from that decision. Make the choice and own it. Reinforce it to yourself everyday. It's only after you fight your way through the fire of trials that you will come out reforged and stronger than before.

With Love and Support,
Lawrence