Seeking answers for a lifetime of spiritual experiences

I apologize in advance for what I am sure will be a long wall o' text. I didn't want to try and separate the different experiences amongst different threads as I feel they are probably all connected and best understood when taken together. To ensure easier reading, I will break the main story into three separate posts--each under its own topic.

    Out of Body Experiences

As a child I had very poor physical health, and frequently had problems breathing. This was particularly true at night. If I rolled onto my back at any time during my sleep, my throat would close up and I would stop breathing. This usually happened at least two to three nights a week.

By the time I was around five or six, I starting having these OOBEs where I would suddenly find myself floating above my body whenever I stopped breathing at night. In these moments, I was simultaneously both in my body and out of it. That is to say, I could feel every physical sensation in my body(position, weight, linen, clothing, etc.) while watching from above. My awareness was, in essence, split into two halves. During the OOBEs, I could make small body shifts and movements and watch them happen in real time from above.

These moments scared me because: 1. I couldn't understand what was going on, and 2. I wasn't physically breathing. I would always panic once I could feel myself getting light-headed from lack of oxygen. At that point I would start struggling with all my strength just to move enough to roll onto one side so I could start breathing again.

This went on for several years.

By the time I reached high school, I had pretty much gotten the hang of sleeping without rolling onto my back. One night, it happened. This time, I finally let curiosity get the better of me and decided to just "go with it" and see what happened. The moment I decided to do that, I completely lost all sensation of my body and not being able to breath. I found I could very easily--and precisely--control my movements and where I went. I also learned I could "expand" my presence. I thought about all the things I could see on Earth, but realized that if I could travel the Earth with a mere thought, what could I see in space?

With that thought in mind, I thought to myself "space" and off I went! As I travelled, I thought about our solar system(and saw a few of the planets) briefly before I thought about the center of the universe. I suddenly moved at speeds beyond what I could even begin to describe. There were so many wonderful sights--so many brilliant colors...all zipping past me in blinding speeds. Yet somehow I was able to see and take in all of it.

Eventually, I started to slow down as I came near what I knew to be my destination. The colors and sights were unimaginably beautiful, but my attention was immediately drawn to something else...

Before me was a vast, dark, formless cloud. I instinctively knew that what I was looking at was not a cloud, and not something formless. I was looking at something that existed beyond my mind's ability to perceive it's true form. I also instinctively knew that what I was looking at was ancient, timeless...something possibly older than the universe itself...

...and something of pure evil.

The sheer malice I felt from this thing terrified me to my core. I instinctively curled myself into a little ball and suppressed my presence to as small a point as I could possibly make it. At that point, the "cloud" turned to face me. There were red, vacant eyes and a mouth that glowed red on the inside(again, my brain's feeble attempt and perceiving this being). It looked in my direction and spoke...

"I know you're there. I can feel you."

I didn't speak...didn't move. I waited and waited. Eventually, it turned away(still looking for me) briefly enough that I thought "HOME" and IMMEDIATELY flew home with all the speed I could muster. My awareness slammed back into my body with such force, the whole bed shook! My eyes were open, I was awake...

I was terrified!

I curled into a ball, head under the covers. Cold to my very being.

From the very moment I woke up, I knew I wasn't alone. The entity had precisely followed me back to my room. My bedroom grew dark and oppressive. Again, I suppressed my presence as much as humanly possible. I waited. I don't know how much time passed, but eventually, I could feel the presence leave. I had decided then that I would never travel out of my body again.

To this day, I have been unable to...despite my best efforts.

I never told anyone what happened. A few years later, my brother went to visit my parents and spent the night in our old room. The bunk bed that we used when we were younger was still in there. I had the bottom bunk.

My brother called me one day, in a panic. He was freaking out. I told him to calm down and tell me what happened.

He said that when he was at our parents' house, he decided to crash on my bed to take a quick nap. He laid on his back and closed his eyes. His body instantly froze and he opened his eyes, scared and confused because he was still awake. He was looking up at the bottom of the top bunk, but instead of seeing the bed frame, he only saw pitch black. He said two glowing red eyes and a red mouth suddenly appeared in front of him and said "I found you!". He told me he screaming and praying for help in his mind(couldn't speak), and was suddenly released. He jumped out of the bed and ran out the room.

I have only told one person about that incident in my entire life, and she found out AFTER the incident with my brother(years later, in fact).

Through all these years, I have never forgotten the things I saw that night; both good--and bad.

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I left something out in my recounting of Part III.

By the time I had reached college, I had spent years studying metaphysical abilities(mental, spiritual, etc.). When I had tried everything to get rid of the entity in my room--I performed one last-ditch effort:

I renounced and mentally shut off all of the abilities I had taught myself over the years. When I did that--the creature left me alone. The very moment I did that, I felt as if I ripped a part of my very soul out of my body. I wish I could explain how devastating and painful it felt. All of the things I could see, feel and do--I had lost forever. The moment I made that choice, I knew that I somehow could never go back.

Over the years I have tried to reconnect with the awareness and abilities I had before--all to no avail.

There was one door that was left open for me that I discovered two years later. I had started taking Tae Kwon Do, and was heavily meditating(1.5-3 hrs) every single day. While I no longer had access to the mental/perceptual side of the spiritual abilities I once had, I found that I had developed very strong physical capabilities.

I learned to use my energy to enhance my physical capabilities beyond my normal physical limits--but something wasn't right. I was only able to tap into--and use--this energy through the use of my emotions of rage and anger. When I meditated, I used images of scenarios that would cause me pain/anger and use those emotions to fuel my newfound strength.

I started to become very brooding and developed very hostile views towards humanity. I saw humanity as a virus; one that needed to be controlled or extinguished. I thought about all the things I could do with my quickly developing skills/strength.

As I was sitting in class one morning, I drifted off to sleep as my professor was talking. The moment my eyes closed, I was filled with a force and power that I had never experienced before. At that moment I knew NOTHING was beyond my limits. Whatever I wanted to achieve in life was now within my grasp!

I immediately began to fear this strength and the monster I was becoming and swore to myself that I would never seek power through methods like that ever again. And thus, the final door to the spiritual closed before me. Sadly, I still stand by my choice as I still don't know what caused the sudden change in me. I was(and still am) positive that I was going down an extremely dark road.

Since college I have felt...incomplete...for lack of a better word. Having seemingly lost all connections to the spiritual, I have turned my focus to science and mathematics in an attempt to at least try to live out a decent and fulfilling life. It's hard because throughout my entire life, I have always felt that the world we live in is...wrong! That our focus on science, which has made life more convenient in many regards, is not the life we were meant to live. I have always felt that I live in two worlds: one natural and always out of my reach, and one unnatural that I am forced to exist in.

There are many things that I have seen, experienced and done in my life that I have never told anyone outside of one person because of how crazy and outlandish it all seems. There were many times when I had even questioned my own sanity. But the things that I have experienced--sometimes with people around me--let me know that it's not just all in my head.

I guess I will wait for the new version of the 5GATEWAYS to be released--unless you strongly feel I should get the current version now.

Thank you for your response. I will spend some time reading up on the info in this website. I hope that I will find something that will aid me in getting back on the right path.

Best Regards,


Hi Lawrence,


The main thing that pops out for me, having scanned your post, is the danger of going out of body.

You can read about the intervention on this site. Essentially its approach is either to lure or scare souls from coming fully into embodiment - most people are either not fully embodied, or else they are compressed into the lower self and disconnected from their higher self. Which is why kundalini reactivation becomes necessary.

The problem with not being fully embodied, is that other energies can then act through you. Or if you vacate the body almost completely, then that too risks allowing other entities in - through the unconscious blind spots that people have. For that reason, we don't encourage people to go out of body. Quite the reverse, we encourage them to fully embody through the evolutionary process we describe in 5GATEWAYS.

Actually to travel interdimensionally, is to be fully embodied and to arrive at other places in the cosmos - through your inner self.

So my encouragment would be to work on your own self-realisation as a being - here and now, in the daily interactions of your life. Take back personal sovereignty for your conscious choices. Begin to fully integrate soul here and now.

Shortly a new version of the 5GATEWAYS book will be out. That will surely help.

Keep well



I apologize for making a fourth section. I originally was going to include this in Part III, but this experience is so unique that I had to give it its own section.

Around twelve years ago, I started having a strange occurrence in my dreams. While dreaming, I would occasionally run into something that would always seek me out. Something that the other dream people would run away from, or be destroyed by. The strange part was, it was always THE SAME BEING!

No matter where I was in my dream. No matter what my dream was about. No matter what era in time it took place, that same entity would find me. After a while, I got to the point where I could feel it before it would even show up. My dream people would even ask me what's wrong, because I would start looking around for it.

Even stranger was that in the moments I met up with this being, I would be more rational and coherent than at any other point in my dreams. I would even be fully aware of the fact that I'm in a dream. The problem is, to get away, I would have to wake myself up before this thing managed to lock me in a room(which it very often managed to do). Once the room was locked, there was no chance of me waking myself up...

...we would fight...

...I would lose...every...single...time!

Our fights would include different weapons, different abilities, different powers, but I would always lose. However, before it was ever able to "finish" the fight, I would start calling for help and praying to ANYTHING to save me--and I would wake up.

This entity pursued me for years, the last incident being a year ago. Two nights ago, in my dream, I was talking to someone and suddenly, all the dream people turned at stared at me. In unison! They didn't say anything. They didn't move. They didn't blink.

I knew's a precursor. My visitor is making a return trip.

This concludes the main story that I wanted to share with everyone to see what you all think. I discovered this site while researching OOBEs. After reading a few posts, I felt compelled, for the first time in my life, to share my experiences.

Any knowledge, advice or info would be greatly appreciated.

Thank you all for your time.


From the time I was a little child, I had the ability to see entities that other people could not see. I used to be tormented by them as the ones that really made their presence known were usually negative entities.

Over time, I learned how to control my extra senses--to a degree. I learned how to read people's thoughts/intentions based on what I could feel from them. I even learned to identify the presence of people close to me before they were in eyesight/hearing range. For some reason, my family always ended up in a house where a previous occupant had died; or we ended up near a cemetery. Once, my family ended up on a housing complex built on top of Native American burial land--NOT fun! Let's just say I hated the first Poltergeist movie because aspects of it hit too close to home for me.

Years and experiences go by until I finally end up going to college. At first things were great. I was finally free!

Then one morning, I felt a presence watching me as I was walking to class. I couldn't see it, but I could sense precisely where it was and look in it's direction. I couldn't sense anything from it(at first), but something about it made me uncomfortable.

Over time, it kept watching me--and I tried to ignore it. As I sat in my room, I could feel it get closer and closer over time. As it started "nesting" closer to my room, I could feel a hostility and violence from it like nothing I had ever experienced in my life. I was also able to physically see it in better clarity as it worked its way closer...even in broad daylight!

I sought help from my mother--who then reached out to her mother and sisters for advice. I tried keeping and reading a bible in my room. I also tried a few Native American techniques from my grandmother. For a few nights, I thought it was gone...

...I was wrong.

After about two months, it had finally worked it's way up to hovering just outside my bedroom window at night. Those nights I slept very little. The thing radiated a sense of savagery, violence and pure chaos! Finally one night, I woke up in an absolute panic...

...the thing was IN my room!

So startled awake was I that instantly jumped out of bed and ran to the door(before I even had time to process what was happening). This happened every night for a few weeks. At this point, I would just jump out of bed in a fighting stance, prepared for whatever this thing was going to try and do.

Inexplicably, it one day went away. Over the course of less than a week, it worked it's way out of my room and disappeared.

I never encountered it again...

...but I never forgot it!


Over the years, I have repeatedly read "people can't dream in color", or "people forget most of their dreams".

Neither scenario applies to me.

I seem to be completely backward because every dream I have ever had was in color. Only one dream was in black and white. However, anything that was green in real life(leaves, grass, money, etc.) was vividly green in that dream. It was a "night of the living dead" spoof. Trust me, I was laughing in that dream.

I also seem to remember almost all of my dreams...

...and almost all of them are pre-, post- or current apocalyptic dreams.

Through all the years. Through all the dreams. The world has never "died"--or been destroyed--the same way twice. The dreams are sporadic. On two rare occasions, I even went a few years without having one of them. Eventually, they always come back.

I actually had one today, for the first time in a few years, as I was taking a nap earlier.

In all the dreams, I'm always one of the last survivors(and in a few cases, the ONLY survivor).

I could never figure out why I keep having these kinds of dreams.