The Etheric Moon Circle

I felt to initiate an etheric moon circle in the Openhand community recently and had a wonderful exploration with Fiona and Tigger. We now invite you all to meet us on Sunday (for some tomorrow, for others today) at full moon in the ether!

Traditionally moon circles are only open to women, who meet and share a safe and sacred space, womb-like, in which they can dive deep and are regenerated and transformed, in which something greater than their individual selves are born and carried out into the world.

However, this is an experiment, something new, as far as I know. We are neither meeting in person, nor is the circle only open to women. Everybody is welcome to join in this etheric moon circle, to go deep inside and to see what arises, to acknowledge and investigate what the Divine Feminine will unveil, and to share what has been shown. This is an opening of a sacred feminine space for the masculine, a leap of faith, for me personally not a difficult one in our community, because I experience it as safe, nurturing and honouring the female qualities. I see many men here who have the strength and courage to live their female qualities. Other women will feel less comfortable with this, no doubt, but I hope they will nevertheless be interested and that this will be a small contribution to the growing Union of the Divine Feminine and Masculine.

This is the idea:

We meet in the ether every two weeks, once on the night of the full moon and once on the day of the new moon, I also like to call it the dark moon. As we are spread out all over the world, anybody who feels to do so, meditates or contemplates when the moon is in their time zone. They send their energy to the the moon, which reflects it back to the others in its path. Starting in the east, the moon passes by Gaia's heart chakra in Avalon in the middle of its trajectory and sets in the west. In this way, we create an etheric moon circle around the world.

It would be wonderful if many feel inspired to join in and to share their thoughts, feelings and experiences with us here.


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I am sitting in the sun and my whole being is just vibrating with the intensity of your sharing’s. Oh my gosh. Thank you for having the strength to reach in, to stir, to still and then to pull out………… a new you? I am so reminded of the concept of the ‘Witness Consciousness’, where one observes oneself without judging. The really interesting part of your sharing though is where you are beginning to observe the old Margaret from the position of the new Lao and are able to do that without judging the old.

Open posted about the feeling of living in two different worlds and I so resonated with that general feeling. Reading your experiences however seemed to crystalize for me the difference between the two worlds. You are (or rather appear to be) experiencing the evolution of a new self, a new identity. It is the old Margaret that identifies with the current world as we know it.

The blow by blow account of your feelings, your synchronicities and your reactions is totally awesome. I suspect that all the Openhanders reading your accounts can relate to much of what you are struggling with because we are all on the same path, albeit in a slightly different location!

I am amazed at how your are able to articulate everything so clearly. The concept of using the Openhand Forum as a blog is so so useful to everyone reading it. Keep going Margaret and keep on writing.

Thank you all so much, Réka for this great moon horoscope link, wow! And for helping with the "lost" beginning of the thread. Love the song, Fiona, I can really see you dancing in the moonlight. Catherine, I feel your heartbreak and send you a warm embrace. Yes, you will heal.

Love, love, love,

In reply to by HG

Hi Helen,

Thank you for feeling me through the ether and for your warm embrace. On a day like today, it means so much. I feel completely overwhelmed at times being here in this 3rd dimension and wonder if my heart will survive. These lines from T.S. Eliot's "The Love Song of J. Alfred Prufrock" wash through me and capture how fragile I feel right now:

"I should have been a pair of ragged claws
Scuttling across the floors of silent seas..."

x Catherine

My dearest Helen,

every time I read your words... well, you know already, I melt. Under the moon or not.

Thank you so much for holding the space for this woman's circle. I come here to replenish, to get my cool yin juices flow, and I always want to hold your hand (all of your hands in a circle).

Thank you!

It just occured to me that there is an interesting page that every month collects the analysis by the best astrologers on the effects of the specific Moon (Full or New), if anyone interested, our Full Moon in Virgo yesterday (and on) carries the following energy (message), heralding a surrender to our imperfections:

Love to you all!
P.s.: Where, oh where have ALL the previous beautiful posts and comments gone?
Are we on a new page already? If yes, the original link is:

Hi Helen,

Thank you for your friendly howls under the Full Moon. Very much appreciated. I feel the magnificence of everyone here in this etheric moon circle.

My howls under this full moon have been full of pain related to my attachment to my role as a mother of two beloved children. It feels as though my heart has split into two symmetrical pieces and that I'm being called to mend them back to One. My tears of love and compassion soften the broken edges as I gently meld them together, and feel my identity as a mother tearing away from my flesh and bones as I bow to this sorrowful task.

x Catherine

Hi all,

Thanks Helen for the warm wishes. The moon was amazing here too, really bright. I danced chaos and released that which was ready to be let go of with the local 5 rhythms tribe.

This song wanted to be shared just now :dance:

"Under the full moon light we dance
Spirits dance, we dance
Joining hands we dance, joining souls rejoice."

With love, Fiona

How I love that, Margaret! The moon as the shining white pearl of the night sky! And you too, a pearl shining it's light. The universe is rejoicing because of your light!

The sky here was perfect last night. I went late to the park with my dogs and couldn’t believe how blue the sky was. Like you said, Helen, the Moon was radiating strong white light. I felt I was literally bathing in its nurturing milky light. And there was a twinkly star beneath it (planet Venus?). The Moon had always made me feel safe and inspired. To me it has opening and softening properties. Last night was definitely special and more intense. There was some internal melting happening.

I love your imagery, Helen and how you tied it in to the story of a dragon and Lao, the star of the eastern sky. Thank you for that. I thought of you too and remembered to go outside because of this thread. This is what came to me to supplement what you saw last night:

In the Chinese tradition, dragons value pearls beyond all and the pearl which dragons long for most of all is the moon herself. This love has been fixed in the stars with the constellation of the dragon chasing the moon across the sky! You’ll see dragons guarding a pearl in old Chinese paintings. Also, Margaret comes from a Greek word meaning “pearl”. Funny how it all ties in. So, next time I see a full moon I’ll be looking for a long cloud.



I thought I wouldn't see the full moon yesterday, as the sky was covered in clouds at sunset. But later the sky had become perfectly clear. I was quite surprised that the moon had no rainbow aura, though. I had got used to seeing it in the meantime. Just on the eve of the full moon I had seen a strong rainbow aura with a dominant blue colour and inside the aura it was very dark blue, darker than the sky. Yesterday the moon was radiating a strong white light, it looked like a large cloud of light and there was a very faint rainbow aura near the moon. It stayed like that the whole time and I had the feeling that was the light emanating from Réka! Such a powerful, sky filling light!

Later, a long, wavelike cloud approached the moon. It looked like a dragon and the tip of it covered the moon, which made the moon look like a large eye. Aha! The ever-present dragon. And Margret. Dogs started howling and I sent a few friendly howls to Tigger and Catherine, too. (How are you doing in the goulash, Tigger?) I also welcomed Sandra in our etheric moon circle: lovely to have you here with us! And warmest moon wishes to Fiona in Avalon were sent on their way, too.

The cloud then proceeded towards the horizon to the east and was dissipating slowly. The tip, which looked like the head, touched a bright star under the moon. Lao, the star in the east! Then the dragon cloud disappeared completely.

It was beautiful to see so many of you in the moon yesterday and to feel so many joining in etherically. There was a strong energy and I am eager to see what happens in the next couple of weeks.

Etheric greetings to all,

Thank you sharing your journey here. I have been following and inspired by your posting. Your grieving post brought me to tears as I remembered what you shared on the level 3 and could relate. You are a star, keep going.
With love,

It's entirely okay - just integrate the feeling of 'Lao'. Then you'll know what to do in due course - just let it all happen.

Open <3

The signs are all positive Margaret. As you move into Transfiguration, there's a sense of being two beings at once then switching from one to the other. So now you're becoming your higher self, looking back at Margaret the lower self. And there's a grieving because you know that it's time for the lower self to leave. As the false aspects of the lower self dissolve away, lower self merges into higher self and you become One - the One. It's totally awesome!

So have no worry - everything is happening as it should.


Open *OK*

In reply to by Open

Oh, strange thing just happened. It's after midnight and I couldn't sleep. I sat down in meditation and the process of sending Margaret off has began. I saw her in her white dress on a flowery meadow. She was smiling and dancing and I was dancing with her. When I looked at myself I've noticed I was the Asian man from my 3rd eye. When I noticed it a warm and really gentle energy shot from the root up to the third eye. I read it as a confirmation. Then my phone blinked and I saw your message.

(How do I even sign this? Now, this is going to sound crazy, but I feel like my name is Lao, which means "star". I was wearing a sweater with a large star on it for the last 2 days. Perhaps I'm just overtired.)

Dear Friends,
Directed by a strong pull I found myself walking along a touristy river pathway at the heart of my city this afternoon. It was a surprising move as I never go there. So I said “show me”. Was I ever shown! An immediate tightening up in my torso and neck literally choked me and I bent forward. My eyes welled up. What is this feeling? A profoundly deep sense of loss. The grieving process kicked in. Margaret has always been awful at grieving (wow, I'm talking about myself in the 3rd person... this is new... suddenly I feel lighter ... I think a large chunk of identity just fell off as I was typing this... there is joy sipping into my heart, I don't even feel this is my name) I just wanted to embrace her and all the pain she endured with tenderness and presence. I see her beauty, her depth , the self-defeat, the whole story of Margaret . Such a deep grief and a reflex to not let her go, to hold her forever. But there is no turning back. I really want to honour her departure with a ceremony. Reka and Helen brought my attention to full moon happening tomorrow. If I can go beyond the fear of loss, it would be a good timing. No clarity yet what the ceremony would be and I feel resistance, but we’ll see. Whatever wants to unfold is ok. I will however sit with this feeling of resistance/control and the fear of loss.

So, I took a walk along the river. A large billboard for a new condo building said “The next level of living is coming!”. This was sweet and encouraging, but I still felt the gripping fear of loss. I’ve noticed green posts with the word “help”, a button and a speaker built in. They are tourists information stations and are placed all along the wide river pathway. So, there is a help for me out there and to receive it, I just simply need to ask (press the button). But whom do I ask? And then I saw it. A few white feathers leading to one of the help stations. I kept walking, heartbroken and touched until my body said “go back home and get some rest already!”. And I did.

I do not know what tomorrow will bring and that’s ok. I know my body needs a major rest and lots of grounding. This energy running through my dantiens feels exhilarating, but is wearing my body off. And the long trip is coming up soon. One of the places I’ll visit in Asia this week is “The Lion Head City”. I’ll be meeting a person there who is a Leo. Something tells me, this is significant. I’ll just continue going step by step and feeling into this strange movie of a life.

Catherine – I got such a jolt of energy from your encouraging post! Woohoo!
Fiona – Thank you for your feedback. I’m always very happy to be able to reflect something for someone.
Helen – Thank you for your advice. I’ve just learned the celestial breathing through the major energy gateways during the Qigong workshop. It is very similar to the exercise you described. Nice feedback loop! I just need to be discerning with my tendency to over-effort.
KD1 – Thank you for encouraging me to share. I’m happy you enjoyed my posts. I love your OMMM story!

With love and tremendous gratitude to the Openhand Community.


Hi Margaret,

Can very well relate to a lot of what you write here, sending a big cosmic hug to you. Know that the energy that moves through you has a divine intelligence well beyond the mind. I found initially that people had a lot of theories around how it may move and cleanse, it was of great relief to let go of any ideas about it and just allow and keep trusting. I loved reading your synchronicities - I remember when the energy became very active for me one time, I was driving down a quiet street, I was heading for a waterfall and a cow stepped onto the road, I felt to stop the car and approach it - and it looked at me and let out a big OMMM, LOL. Had to laugh to myself. Anyway it really helps to share....please do :)

My dearest Helen,
You don't have to be a "teacher" to inspire and awaken deep knowledge, love and passion to grow in others - and as you do all the above to me I thank you for your contribution to Oh which is even more touching because of your humble presentation of your inner wisdom and glow.

I do feel Full Moon's energies growing and will share if something appropriate (interesting to wider audience) will come up, or come my way.

With fullness in my heart,

Margaret you said...

    I just saw a clear construction site with leveled ground. I feel like I’m in the process of demolishing an artificial structure that used to be me. And there is no other way. And it seems more straightforward now, I just pay attention and listen to what's going on. Fascinating.

Spot on - keep working through it. Stay grounded but keep pushing forwards - a channel is opening. And yes, this 'dream' will become much more real than the old drama.


Open *OK*

Dear Margaret,

thank you for your fascinating sharings. There is one thing I wanted to pass on. I don't know if you read my posting about the inner smile meditation. That is a basic Taoist esoteric meditation which is then followed by the Microcosmic Orbit meditation. In that meditation the yin and yang energies are balanced and there is a "safety valve" to stop the rising kundalini energy from doing damage to the brain, organs etc. It is described in detail in the book "Awaken healing energy through the Tao" by Mantak Chia.

It goes like this, one concentrates first on the navel chakra, then on the sacral chakra, then the base chakra at the perineum (yin channel). Then comes the chakra at the coccyx, the chakra on the spine opposite the navel, the chakra at the level of the kidneys, the chakra at the base of the skull, at the top of the skull, at the third eye and at the palate (yang channel). Then the energy is passed down again through the tip of the tongue touching the palate, down to the throat chakra, the heart, the solar plexus and the navel (all yin). One doesn't pay any attention to the breath, one only concentrates on one chakra after the next. When you feel energy in the first, you pass on to the next. For inexperienced people it may take some time, up to weeks for them to open a chakra, but I think you probably have them all open already. In this way the energy circulates around the trunk of the body and doesn't (shouldn't) explode in the head and body. I can't tell from experience because my kundalini hasn't been full activated, but it's rising and I do feel the energy circulating. Oh yes! One more thing, Master Chia says to meditate sitting on a chair to ground the body through the feet.

Wishing you well,

Hi Open,
This forum is a source of important feedback loop for me. I get an email every time a new post is published. I’m not always able to reply right away, but I’m paying close attention to all posts. Thank you for your guidance and for watching out for me. This forum is an increadible source of strength and clarity for me at this moment.

I didn’t think of grounding, but my higher self did. Today during the workshop we were practicing a Qigong walk. At the step down the Asian man’s face in my 3rd eye would intensify. So I paid attention to those moments. Soon my feet felt like they were stepping deep into the ground as if the ground was a soft marsh without distinguishable surface line. The earth energy climbed up through the insides of my legs and up the body. This felt great and stabilizing. The Qigong teacher said that it is a sign of opening Bubbling Springs at the feet. I saw your post 30 min after.

Today started as a groundhog day (mirroring yesterday). I left the house and said “show me”. Then I’ve noticed the neighbor’s car was in the same spot and the engine was running, just like yesterday morning. It was a strong déjà vu and it made me stop and absorb, but without analyzing. In the car my music player started with a random track again, except it was the same track as yesterday! I’m going into letting go even more today.

In the Qigong workshop during still stances the hot energy at the base of my spine was wanting to rise again. I felt really hot and my breathing was intensifying. I’m just letting it be. I thin I’ve learned my lesson during the facilitators’ workshop when it really wanted to rise, but I was efforting too much to bring it to a release choking it up in effect.

The dialog with the “external” world continues. Except the external is really internal and this reality feels more true than the old one. I just saw a clear construction site with leveled ground. I feel like I’m in the process of demolishing an artificial structure that used to be me. And there is no other way. And it seems more straightforward now, I just pay attention and listen to what's going on. Fascinating.


The nearly full moon is shining in all its beauty in the clear night sky, in a rainbow aura. One moon month ago I started the etheric moon circle. It seems to have been a reawakening call for the Divine Feminine in our community, to speak out loud and clear, with passion, love, vulnerability, openness, beauty. I am deeply thankful to all who have responded and shared and to all who have joined in etherically.

I myself am not a teacher, I'm not very comfortable when speaking or writing, but I hope I can continue to contribute something once in a while, and hold the space of this moon circle, watching, hearing, feeling, marvelling, sending love and energy to all you beautiful souls.

Some time ago Amber posted the poem 'A Star is Born' by Solara, that moved me to tears. I looked up Solara on the web and found a site of a Pleiadian star seed called Solara An-Ra, who channels messages of the Pleiadian Council of Light, among other things.

The Pleiadians assist us in our evolution with the energy of the Goddess. This is a passage out of a channeled message of the Council on the eve of the full moon:

"At the New Moon you seed your intentions; you activate your electrical Light Bodies in the increased starlight; you birth yourselves anew. And now at the Full Moon you celebrate all that has been achieved, and you absorb the magnetic lunar frequency so as to heal your wounds and reactivate your memories, stored within the Lunar body, of the Earth times that have been. These are the times of council, the times of the gathering of the elders. We are with you on this night as you celebrate the arising of the Goddess on Gaia once more. And so is it . Namaste."

Wishing all a beautiful, healing Full Moon!

Hi Margaret - I trust you might get a chance to check in here from time to time. I can help if you manage to.

It's important that you also work to stay grounded as this is all unfolding. Stay connected to the Earth as well - to the 3D.



Margaret - you're having an amzing experience - and totally real in the multidimensional state. I call it the "quickening".

It feels to me like the Asian guy is a representation of your higher self - keep riding the wave. Let it take you, but always remember it's not about the physical outcome in the 3D world - it's all about how you feel and what you integrate at a soul level.

Go for it!

Open *OK*

Hi Margaret,

Just wanted to say thank you for sharing <3 Your posts have been a beneficial reflection for me at this time.

Love and hugs, Fiona


Your recent shares here on the forum about what you're experiencing inspire me and touch me so deeply. I'm lost in translation so have few words. You're amazing. This phrase comes your way with big smiles, "You go, girl!" :)

A heart-full of love to you, dear friend!


Today, the fear of “being mentally unwell” left and my being expanded. My “movie” state intensified and I now feel the rewiring happening more clearly. At the end of the day my whole body is buzzing.

This morning I drove for 3h one way to another town through the vast prairies. I left the house and just said: “Show me”. I started the car and a voice from my music player came on automatically (it was set on “random”): “If you get bogged down, I’d suggest that you simply keep going. Your resistance is the glue that holds your suffering together. It causes that you hold yourself back. It gives you an artificial sense of having control, while the opposite is true.”. This gave me a chill. I repeated the track, wrote it down and soaked in the message.

To get to the other town I had to follow the road signs for another town called … Swift Current, nice… At one point Ed Sheeran’s “I see Fire” played on the radio and I saw an industrial building off the highway literally on fire. Now, this felt a bit unsettling, but I let it go as well as I could and kept going towards Swift Current.

I stopped at a supermarket to get bananas for the road and thought “I’m really liking all these synchronicities” and I felt slight tightening/grasping. “Wow, I’m choking the flow, what do I do now?”… I looked up and a label said “soften”… My ego kicked in wanting to own some of the experience, the next sign said “Caution, Slippery!”. Slippery ground, indeed. Somehow I softened and didn’t trip at that point.

I bought myself a drink and sat at a coffee shop table (still at the supermarket). I thought about the Asian man, whose face I saw during the qigong meditation. His face is now burned into my consciousness and I see him via my 3rd eye most of the time. His image is overlaid over what I’m seeing via my actual eyeballs. I guess he’s here to stay and I like that. While sipping my drink I remembered yesterday’s Aikido practice. At one point my partner was a 3D Asian guy. We practiced a throw where I was supposed to fall backwards and I was resisting it so much (I do not like that fall as I feel I have no control over my body at all). My Aikido partner kept smiling and saying “you just need to arch your back and soften” then he actually arched my back and I fell and it was not that bad and we both laughed. That was actually a powerful message that I initially missed (probably because my nervous system was overloaded). I feel like exploring now how would it be to fall, not just fall, but to shatter completely. I really felt I was ready for it… and at that moment another sign came into focus “satisfaction guaranteed”.

So, I really felt relaxed about what was unfolding today and the reality reflected it back at me. The world seemed to be flowing out from me and rearranged itself depending on how I was being. This reminds me of an image where the energy comes out of the center core and flows up outwards in a sphere and comes back through the center and when it passes the core, it wants to spiral up through it. The oneness moments today, where I was the world and the world was me were truly touching. And each expression naturally unfolded into the next and a new state emerged to be then transformed again. Perfection.

I’ve noticed these moments of oneness eradicate blame, resistance and holding on to experiences. They just don’t make any sense anymore. At this moment, they don’t even exist. I have also realized today that instead of trying to direct, control or contain this energy that is flowing through me now, I just need to let it be. Maybe not even think about it.

The pain of coming into being in the human body is tainted with a divine homesickness, of losing this oneness we came from. Even the short moments of reconnection created very powerful states in me that seemed to reverse years of conditioning imprints. They revealed sparkling potential that allows form to manifest and the gentle humming of the mysterious organizing force that generates my reality. Was this humming coming from me?

I wonder what tomorrow will bring…

I’m very happy I opened up on this forum and the feedback loop keeps flowing through post-backs and personal emails and messages. Thank you Open, Mark, Reka and others for providing powerful feedback loops in these strange times. Thank you for holding the space and holding me up.


Your help in those days will never be forgotten... <3
Love to you ALL. :)

Yes Mark, I do remember the times, our meetings during the most active phases of your kundalini crisis when I could only hold you in my arms to ground it.

I'm glad you're doing so much better now, working your way through so many of those questions that such an evolutionary energy brings up in our lives. Last time I saw you was really nice! : )

And Margaret, it does get easier, in fact after a while it's not even overwhelming anymore but (shall I say?) a way of life? : ) In my feeling this very authentic need for containment comes as much from the (firstly), firey yang experience of strong energy running through our system, as (also) from the cool, yin experience of ever growing internal space which might present itself as "losing" (parts of) the self. Definitely this is part of the main reason for such a process to take place, so hurray! You're on the right track <3 In the end it is like coming out from the womb, and being born again.

I'm holding you, too, in my etheric arms! Your need for containment is very natural, and stems from a deep well of wisdom, inside you! If you can get some physical arms to help the process, even better : ) Your story is beautiful! You'll find your way to allow the internal space to open up because the final containment comes as much from surrendering to that as finding the "golden thread" to lead you through it into a wider more infinite space of yourself where there can no more be fears about limits, or limitations.

Hi Margaret,

Although I have much less experience in this matter than Réka or Open I am open to any discussion about the subject to share my personal insights. (The process is still ongoing for me, too. :) ) I was btw going to write to you, for the first time in my life - now I know why. Márk

Dear Open,
In my weak moment I was hoping for someone to hold me, but instead you are holding the space for me. And it is so much more powerful! Thank you for this. The space around me is now more expanded and I have more room to manoeuvre and ... breathe. Joy is sipping into my heart. The anxiety was really closing on me lately, but it lifted, like a cloud. I shared bits and pieces of my experience with different people and only opened up on this forum. I will contact someone that I know that had already crossed this gateway.

I have to get going in few minutes, but wanted to share a story that provides me with courage lately. It also makes me cry. Perhaps others will find it inspiring too. It is called "Crossing the Dragon's gate" and it is so incredibly fitting to what's happening to me. Now I also see it is a powerful reflection of crossing the 3rd gateway.

"Beneath the serene quiet of the water lilies a young carp senses a calling . . . swelling up in her heart like the swirling waters at the base of a great waterfall, Somehow summoned to go beyond the barrier of crashing water and veiled mist The churning waters of the waterfall’s bottom matches that of the young carp’s desires.

Finally with a burst of enthusiasm the carp launches herself up the wall of rushing water cresting the first falls with a surge of effort only to be met with relentless rushing water. Persevering from one cataract to the next the carp makes it to the summit’s last falls. Regrouping her energies in a pocket of scouring effervescence every essence of strength, courage, and spirit is consumed in the launching over the fall’s summit.

And the dragon’s gate accepts her efforts. The transforming gate of fire reveals the birth of a new Dragon born of the seed of desire planted in the heart of a small carp that once hid in the shallows."


My Dear Margaret - you are not alone! You are never alone!

Let the energy be your protector now, and those that you recognise speak from the energy be your friends and mirrors.

I doubt very much whether it's a brain disorder. I've worked with many who've felt that way at this stage on the path. I feel like you're accelerating through Gateway 3 - into Transfiguration.

In this place, there will be two strongly competing influences going on inside - and inside your head. There'll be the old reality, which will have systems of behaviour you're used to - the old Margaret. And you also building a new, multidimensional landscape - the "movie". Except this new "movie" is more real than reality!

This multi-dimensional movie is mostly perceived in a physical way through the right side of the brain. And it does take time to integrate left and right as the Transfiguration kicks in. It tends to highlight the separation in both sides. And it takes time to break up the old neural pathways and reconnect new channels.

The Asian man that you see is important at this stage. He's either figurative of your higher self speaking to you, or else an important guide that reflects aspects of your higher self. And the dragon will almost certainly relate to the unleashing and flow of kundalini.

So don't worry - you're not going crazy! Far from it. You're awakening to a new you beyond imagination by the ego - the kind of thing great movies are made of.

Just one final word of advice - be discerning about who you share these experiences with in your vicinity. The majority will not 'get it'. Even most 'awakened' people are only partially awake and struggle with the impact of full blown kundalini. Look for a buddy to share with as you progress through this transition. Someone aware of such matters who you can communicate with on a regular basis - even daily.

I felt kundalini activating in you on the level 3 course last year and recently on the facilitator gathering here at the centre. Remember, I'm available to facilitate all in the facilitator network - of which you're of course now a part.

This is awesome! Totally awesome! So keep working with it. Keep pushing through. Follow the synchronicities. Keep integrating the shifts and experiences. Before long you'll be living the movie - and it will be breath-taking.

Open *OK*

Thank you for your reply, Reka. So lovely to see a feedback in a reality that’s a complete chaos. What a lovely song :-) Thank you. I recognize Juliette Binoche in the video. I'd like to watch the full movie.

I find the Openhand forum very soothing recently as my life feels surreal and I simply don’t possess the vocabulary to express well what’s going on even to myself. I find similarities in other’s experiences that are described so vividly by many here and this connection feels encouraging. It’s going to sound anticlimactic, but I recently feel like my perception could be explained by a brain disorder. I feel like, having been to 4 Openhand gatherings, “I should know better”, but it had intensified so much lately and I’m not handling it very well. I think I’m just going to spill it out as it comes to me, for the sake of clearing my heart:

My reality at this moment in few short points:

- The pleasant part: I recognize myself in the world: in the cloud patterns, the sound of my harp, impatient waitress, the prairies horizon, the tea. It feels like I exist as an inhabitant of this body, but also as the external.

- Ancient distortions want to be held by my presence, but sometimes it’s just too many at the time and I feel like I’m just about to crash. Perhaps I should just explore crashing first... I don't want to be "brave" or "strong" anymore. Crashing sounds interesting, actually... although it is such a scary thought and I just want someone strong to hold me. Not gonna happen. I'm in this all alone. I feel an urge to disappear.

- Speaking of disappearing… some friends that I loved dearly suddenly are not there anymore. I had no time to process the loss as new people are entering my life and say things like “I was waiting for you to contact me. It seems it is the right time for you now to begin this lesson”.… Am I in a movie?! Is this for real?!

- I see dragons everywhere. I’ve been participating in a dragon (of course) qigong workshop and we are practicing for 5h a day. During the practice when I close my eyes I keep seeing a face of an Asian man. It’s always the same man, very friendly and looking at me intensely. He looks so familiar, but I’ve never seen him before!

- Looks like I’m also not quite in control of my body… in the evening during Aikido classes my body wants to change the techniques and adds, for example, an arm movement that really helps with a throw, but it troubles me that I’m unable to stop it (I am aware of the need to control my environment).

- Also, a new travel came up suddenly. I will be going to Asia in 3 days. This trip just materialized this week and felt totally impossible for a multitude of reasons. All obstacles just disappeared.

- Seemingly insignificant tasks and situations carry strong meanings: I just plugged my phone to a charger and had another revelation about my own energy circuits running from and to me. I have this urge to focus all my energy on things and people that provide feedback loop and eliminate those that don't.

This is all so strange that I sometimes feel like just giving up and feasting on cookies (sugar gets me desensitized), but then my reality feels like a movie and I really want to know what will happen next! The curiosity beats pretty much anything and gets me in trouble sometimes.

So, I’m riding this chaotic thunderstorm up and down on the back of the dragon, except I am the storm and the dragon is rising within me. It doesn’t even make logical sense, but it’s quite close representation of how it feels to be me at this very moment. And I am E X H A U S T E D.

Love to all Openhanders. Thank you for being.


Dear Reka,
Your post just totally lit me up and I have to comment on it right away and without even thinking about it much. When you talk about Kali, I feel her fire erupting inside my being. I have this recurring dream of magma flowing through my veins and then it spreads and that wakes me up. It is such a strange and exhilarating feeling. I deeply and intimately know this pointy energy and the destroyer at times.

I often wondered, how can there be so much lightning-like fire in a female and thought I was all wrong. I set a goal last year to “become more feminine, more watery” to discover that I already am that, while being this fiery creature at the same time. How is this possible?! I became very puzzled. I feel you’ve just provided an important piece of the puzzle, Reka. Together with the archetypes and distorted and pure feminine (and masculine), it finally feels right-er and I breathe with a relief. With this comes a sense that I can let go even more, express more and direct my fire with more acceptance. It just occurred to me, acceptance is a water quality and I feel now that water and fire can coexist together without choking one another, without it being "either or" kind of choice.

I do not know much about the archetypes, but I recognize expressing some that you mentioned. They come out more fully recently as my self judgement weakens. Sometimes I feel an action to be utterly skewed, and yet it so wants to be enacted. The expression may be an exaggerated distorted behaviour or a really right one (this usually feels like time slows and I'm in the moment).

The urge to express reminds me of my labours when I was pushing my babies out. During a contraction you just can't not to push and it is so painful, but at the same time the push provides such a relief. Perhaps us females are now invited to give birth to something where each push is an expression of either the distorted or the pure energy? Maybe it doesn't even matter what we're expressing as long as we're enacting what wants to come through? Perhaps it has something to do with the mystery of transmutation and clearing? I certainly feel this arising inside of me.

And into the fire
I'm reunited
Into the fire
I am the spark
Into the fire
I yearn for comfort

Open the doors that lead on in to Eden
Don't want no cheap disguise
I follow the signs marked back to the beginning
No more compromise

I will stare into the sun until its light doesn't blind me
I will walk into the fire until its heat doesn't burn me
And I will feed the fire


In reply to by Margaret

Oh dear Margaret what wonderful sharing! I'm so happy for you! I salute the follow spirit in you! I don't have much time to write now but I did want to comment back quickly, and thank your words maybe with this song -

I can feel full moon's energies building up, and I'm expecting a complex one somehow, this time, meaning it might be intricate and tangled, with no black and white feelings...

May we in the complexity of the full moon DARE TO LOVE...

"You will find me there among the brave ones
the ones that I can never overcome
I want to be someone you can lay your weight upon
someone who's saves you someone who holds on

I will fail to take the easy way out
I will tell the truth one more time
even though it hurts even though I stay in the sheets we have on
I will take a step on the densest darkest ground

daring to love
oh love
la la la la la la la la la la laa
and come alive
la la la la la la la la la la laa

I was watching a music video this morning, a not yet seen powerful version of an Ellie Goulding song that means a lot to me. It's a simple modern day song but to me such a deep expression of ancient energies: combining very beautiful (though difficult) feminine karmic threads... both light and dark aspects of what we women specifically tend to confront in our lives...

The original version of the song is about love, a total self-offering and self-opening ("I left my house / Left my clothes / Door wide open / Heaven knows / You're so worth it, you are!! (…) / But I wish I could feel it all for you / I wish I could be it all for you / If I could erase the pain / Maybe you'd feel the same / I'd do it all for you / I would, I would, I would! …"). Expressing to me the melting of at least two (of many) double-faced archetypes: the Lover and the Mother.

Actually, some moons ago I did have a big breakthrough in reconciling the (sacred or not so sacred) prostitute energy with the mother energy... They are often thought of as opposing, but in fact the Whore in Her Full Light Power is actually very similar to the Sustaining, Nourishing Mother Energy, they resonate in each other's depths... A True Whore, as long as in her Sacred Priestess nature, compassionate, self sacrificing, self opening, a channel for the masculine to ascend, cannot possibly do anything else as to offer her body, her womb and breasts, just like a supportive, embracing, containing, self-offering mother does. It is compulsive and pure. (Of course both the lover and the mother have their dark sides... a Lover can be a cheap whore, a seductress, a hungry ghost, and a mother can be possessive, devouring, driven by a suction-vacuum energy...)

These energies want to come out clean in the present world. To shred the distortions, the shadow. It is a very important part of Feminine Sacred Healing work of today. They desperately want to be expressed, but often they cannot because there is so much suppression, taboo and dirt, guilt, pornography, judgement, etc, etc, brought into them by the world we live in. When the Sacred Priestess opens herself, it's almost always a very difficult situation in today's world as the majority of people forgot, actually, probably never have been shown, the untainted flow of these energies. And the evolutionary work they do.

And this is where Kali comes into play. Oh, isn't she just so pissed off! Now, Kalí too has her shadow and light energy, she can destroy (HAS to destroy from time to time) and she can heal with a piercing power energy that brings one through this mess, this laziness, this distortion, this mud... It's not against anyone else, it is the Sword that cuts the crap, inside and out.

And in this new version of this video... Ellie Goulding lets out her sadness, frustration, desperation, her impatience at how things are sooo slow to change. In the last minute of the song she really sings her heart out... She really lets out her special brew of Kalí. She is still soft(ish) but like a volcano.... It's a song she's been singing for almost 10 years. I can empathise with how she is angry. Impatient. How she stepped into her Kalí, and not to become destructive but to (as she says) "erase the pain". – She sings:

"It's time to come clean
And make sense of everything
It's time that we found out who we are..."

Helen talks about Self Love, I feel it is about self-respect... a stepping into the channel, standing into the energy of who we really are... Catherine and Katie join up with Kalí, and feel the strength and the noble anger... And oh, just how much these are all so interrelated.

We don't have to be channels for it all, not always... But for the times we are, for the times when we choose to step into it, here are the words of a modern day Tantrika, her passionate cry out to the (both internalised and externally present) masculine:

It's time to find out Who We Are.
I wish I could feel it all for you
I wish I could do it all for you!
If I could,
I would do it for you... I would do it for you... I would do it all for you.

<3 R

Connecting with you Catherine. I have in my darkest hours had the image of Kali come to me, then through me...normally when I truly thought I had nothing left. Kali in essence is the 'all loving mother'. If I gaze on the traditional images I can gather strength too - these weeks for me have been very tiring, today again I feel like I have led belts strapped to me and such pain in the heart. I'm working between softening and striking through. I can feel the underlying shift though - lets keep moving through xx

In reply to by Kd1

Hi Katie,

I connect deeply to your words about Kali and how she has given you strength as the 'all loving mother' during your darkest hours. It's my son's birthday today so I'm remembering how I felt when I first held him in my arms. An immeasurable love so pure and tender... like the soft feathers of a white dove gently cradling her young. a towering mother bear on its hind legs, protecting her baby cubs. A love that melts my heart and breaks it. When I feel the embers dying, it's this kind of love that sets my heart ablaze, once again.

Striking the right balance between soft and fierce, surrendered acceptance and purpose, has never come easy. I appreciate the reminder to keep at it.

Much Love,


Sometimes, at special moments, life humbles me.
It's so multilayered. And it's such an old, even ancient, story. This life, and else...
This letter from you Helen just did it. I'm totally k.o.-ed.
On my knees.
Life humbles me...

Loving you.

(maybe, in time, more in pm)

Dear Réka,

Yes, I hold you in my arms and cherish you as you are. I always wanted to have a daughter and what a wonderful, strong, brave soul daughter, sister, teacher, priestess you are. We are not limited by this physicality.

We not only need to love ourselves but each other. Do you remember the dream of the woman who danced? The man said people would be afraid of her being natural, when all the veils had fallen, they are afraid of Nature. They are afraid of your strength, of the Wild Woman in you.


Dearest Helen,
Honestly... I'd very happily go and hide a little in the etheric embrace of that deep, motherly energy that you, knowingly or not omit, like a flower its scent, a beautiful attractiveness, a velvety magnetism which to me feels so much more than radiance..
What power in the softness you have! I hope you know that.

Your comment about all men disappearing from a space where I (or my energy) appears is a great "button pusher", and I thank you for bringing it up.

Though this yin vacuum, a strange gravitational force continuously changing the field around me has been very deep part of the exploration of these past weeks -- it's more than a momentary story, actually... It's been a theme in my life... A strong one. It feels like a strength I continuously need to monitor, learn to live with so as not to become "too much" for others. It's like if I only open up my deep self, if I only behave naturally and I am who I am -- there's stunned silence around and it is a heavy karma to live with. So normally, I hide. In my real life I live quite like a hermit.

But it's humbling, deeply touching when a Sister soul is able to see --- its light as much as its dark, and challenges.

You're in my heart!

I wrote that I trusted in the female wisdom, and that women haven't taken revenge. But that isn't all. We have directed our aggression and anger against ourselves and have identified ourselves with the aggressor. The destructivity of this shows itself in self hate, in guilt complexes, in depression, and in always putting oneself on the back seat.

The feminist movement of the last century was fired by anger and the attempt to become a better man. At the end of the 19th century there were 'scientific' debates on whether women could be considered as being human, and still today the Arabs say: "I have two children and one girl" and so on. Women had been dehumanised and so to be human was equalled to being a man. There was no female concept, and all feminine qualities, like surrender, empathy, making a home, caring for other, having children, being compassionate, being helpful, were looked down on, especially by feminists.

Réka posted a video of her Yoga teacher who said that going inside was the biggest revolution. I agree completely and want to add that loving ourselves, our bodies, respecting ourselves, putting ourselves first (yes! I mean it!) is not only revolutionary but of highest importance for humanity and its evolution. Now!

With love,

Dear Réka,

I was fascinated by your journey into the depths of your new moon and moon days and the richness you shared with us. You have become such a presence in OH again, as our sisters too. So much so, that hardly any guys have been posting recently (apart from Open, of course)! Would be nice to hear and see you again, guys! : )

I am deeply grateful, also for this video, that awakened me some time ago to the importance of my being here as a woman at this time of our spiritual evolution. It resonated deeply with me. I trust in the female wisdom, even if there is an abyss of anger to be processed. After all, the feminine has suffered so much and hasn't taken revenge, killed and murdered, as the masculine has done and still does.

With love,

Thank you, Réka. I'm part of it all, man/woman, all the wounding. My heart opens and expands and goes beyond the duality....

xx Catherine

Thank you for sharing Reka, this speaks to me and is helpful to how I feel. I like that he refers to 'Kali' it's an energy I have come to know and sometimes gets overlooked in the feminine stereotype but it can break through so much here if we are open to it. much love kx

In reply to by Kd1


I felt a sudden flash of empowered Kali energy when I watched this much welcomed video that Réka posted. Thank you for helping me recognize that. Indeed, Kali can help us breakthrough to the other side. I'm feeling a shift. More "stuff" to come. Bring it on.

x Catherine

Slowly coming out of the depth of the learning curve I've immersed into in the last days (weeks) following New Moon... Heavy, yet beautiful experiences, insights and visions.

Let me be womanly and no explaining, intuitive and simple here at this Moon Circle -- I'd rather just leave this clip without any more comments, if you don't mind -- if you have time, a call to do so: watch it, if not, don't... :)


Love to my fellow sisters of the moon.

Yesterday on the new moon I went to one of the watershed preserves that take in water from Lake Okeechobee. I walked out along the edge of the marshes, was greeted by butterflies (thank you Trinity) and the music of the shore reeds in the wind. I lay in some marsh grass listening to the ducks, watching the herons and egrets. Water and sun: so much light, and for me a reminder of lightness, the antidote to density.

In my meditation I became a reed in the water, a duck swam around me, brushing her wing against me, I felt my roots, minerals and nutrients drawing up into me, the wind speaking, I moved without resistance, the water always whispering: we are one.

Reka, thank you for posting Trinity's article and the ensuing discussion on moontime. It was compelling, confronting, and something I wish I had read 40 years ago.

love, tigger