Wounded Dragon and Gaia
This video is also of importance to this thread - an exploration of Gaia's Karma...
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For these folowing lines I'm sending you a happy sisterly hug: "(...) women having extraordinary multi dimensional experiences and visions and then later, outside the studio, sharing the ways in which they no way can inhabit or feel the lower part of their body - the most sacred centre of the divine feminine - the gateway to the place where the unseen world/dimensions touch the physical. Where literally magic happens."
Yes, let the blood (purification and "pure pain") and milk and honey (female ejaculations of love, creativity and gratitude) take their rightful place in the World. What a flood!
I know exactly what you say about numbness in the pelvis. Women dont even feel their womb(space). We do bodywork, hours of movements, stretching, massage, internal muscle work and then maybe, maybe... They come to some feeling... Even then, it seems like there's a certain brainwash about what exactly to "look for". They look for extraverted, yang style sensations of radiance, strength.
Yes the womb energy is different, magnetic. It has gates, there is an alternative description of spiritual chakras, in the female body specifically... Energetically. Portals through dimensions.
But we're at the beginning of a long journey of feminine self discovery... In class I really concentrate a lot on body work. Here I can only read, listen, write and share.
And actually I was also wondering about the specific male portals, gates... I even had internal energetic images about it, which would now be a bit too complicated to describe here. But with my internal vision I see different energetic bodies for men and women, very clearly so, with different emphases and energy currents. So any work, energy or soul needs to be adapted.
Wohooo! It's getting exciting. Already things are moving... And so many topics opening up. I'm expecting more, actually, at least from what I know with the work with women.. it really is a Pandora's Box. Soon we'll have to do break it all up into sub-topics?
Excuse my typos, and sloppy wording, this was all typed out from my mobile, during my walk with the dog. <3
Third time lucky - the site is resisting my post ...
Thanks Reka, and don't worry, I'm not going anywhere. I'm here now. Thanks Open, you've said this to me before, a few times. In fact, that is why I am where I am; you pointed me to tantra for instance but, humbly, there is something more, something missing, somewhere I don't feel I've been clear or been heard. The devil being in the detail!.
Reka points to the enormity of what is happening to women's capacity to conceive and birth. What I am witness to is even before that - numbness from even sensation in the pelvis, in the yoni. Numbness to the point of not even inhabiting the pelvis. It's so not even about orgasms at the beginning or the end - it's far wider and longer and deeper. I been at Openhand events and talked with women having extraordinary multi dimensional experiences and visions and then later, outside the studio, sharing the ways in which they no way can inhabit or feel the lower part of their body - the most sacred centre of the divine feminine - the gateway to the place where the unseen world/dimensions touch the physical. Where literally magic happens.
I bow Open to your understanding of the karma behind much of this but I'm opening an invitation to more gateways, more language, more experience for women to begin to clear this. And yes, I know that the clearing will be in the exploration of distortions of both the masculine and the feminine but the gateway is in the experience of inhabiting a female body/mind. Of course for some men there will be memory of female existence but, while we are at this work, my posting of the discussion between Charles Eisenstein and Rex Branwyn was opening a question as to whether there was also the need for a forum for men to explore through the gateways only a male body/mind have access to. We will all meet in the everything/nothing eventually but in the meantime for those of us not quite there yet it is an invitation.
Now this, I get, is most likely work for those in women's bodies, with I think, others in women's bodies. It is so fragile it needs that cave, that tent, that protection. Before, when I saw the thread about moon time I saw the lack of light on this dimension of women's experience - we could share about moon time for two whole threads and evade sexuality! This is another different, courageous, terrifying step. A bigger taboo.
This may not be feel to be, or be for the space for such sharing and intimacy but I want to open at least the questions, the invitation and keep opening this out so that Kim's tears may continue to flow, knowing that others are with her.
Thank you for initiating this thread Reka and I am grateful Aunty Angel for your courage to be vulnerable and begin the post about sexual healing. Open your post for healing this was very helpful. This is something I have felt in the background for a while and can feel the time for me to confront this within myself is approaching. I can feel both the distortions of the divine feminine and divine masculine in myself. I can hardly write about this and have never been able to speak openly or comfortably about sexuality. There has been discomfort with it my whole life. After reading the posts above I see how much I have been out of body, avoiding, hiding, disconnected. This is all bringing up a lot of pain and tears. I trust the way to work with it will just keep unfolding.
power from underground
Hey Open, this was one beautiful sharing, wow, thank you so much!
I'd like to refer to a side sentence of yours though now: you say this energy rises up from the earth... This is very important for us because most women have lost their contact with their sub-earth chakras (chakras, as in psycho-somatic-spiritual centres of the etheric bodies) and yes, as you say many are out of bodies... And all the feminine practices (menstruation, sex, birth) that would help us ground and connect with this power are also hushed and deleted from our society.
I see this... Lots of women literally do not have the physical, spiritual strength to give birth anymore, but sadly, more and more of them don't even have the health to get pregnant at all. Infertility in the U.S. grows exponantially year by year: every 10th woman in 1995, every 5th woman in 2005 and every third woman in 2010 had some sort of a fertility difficulty, do we see the growing number? It is shocking and very telling. I work with more and more women with endometriosis, miomas, fibroids, PCOS, and the like. Female illnesses are getting number one!
So yes, there is this lower center point, which like an anchor should be able to ground women into their strengths. But partly as a reaction to the raptor masculine partly as a reaction to the supressed, tabooed ideas about what a ("proper") woman should be like she lost contact with her inherent power. And also, she lost contact with her sense of empathy about Gaia. It seems like she's losing her grip to stay on Earth, to remain open as the chanellling vessel for souls to arrive here, and as a helper and container to keep life on earth... I see a potentiality where humans can simply be wiped off from the surface of the planet simply because of this lack of anchoring capability in women.
Just to mention one common issue: the fact we women for instance do not practice our menstruation the way we should (as a time to regularly connect with the downward flow of energies into the earth, and into the sub-earth centres during that time) has far reaching consequences... I say "practice", yes! It could be a sadhana, a spiritual, physical practice. A learning period, monthly. A healing period, monthly. A connecting period, monthly.
But sexuality too is one area where we can practice this. It is very difficult to find a partner mature enough for this. Not only men but women too. Yes, I know exactly what you mean, Open, when you see women sending out invisible seductive tenticles, unaware. I see this too. And everything we are not conscious of, everything we do not own, will own us. So exploring love and sexuality, is of absolute importance in this work.
It is very flesh and blood! There is no hiding here into out of body states. So it is a hard way but it is worth it.
One more thing:
We should understand that it is not only about us: not only about a personal enlightenment, a private self-realisation story. This is a very strong aspect of feminine spirituality: as it is very communal. So it is never only about one's own spiritual unfolding but always about a collective empathic interconnectedness.
womb to womb,
Sexual healing of the raptor in the divine masculine & feminine
Such a powerful film - thanks so much for sharing
So this 'demon' we're speaking of that is devouring the Earth in the 3D is the 'raptor consciousness' and it distorts both the divine masculine and feminine. It's an ancient energy that's dwelled in the bowls of the earth, depicted as the snake in the Adam and Eve story. As I explained in Divinicus, it actually came here as a DNA 'virus', on a comet, from elsewhere in the cosmos.
And yes, where it rears its head, is often within sexuality.
Within the masculine, it's an energy that rises up from the base (literally from the earth), through the sexual organs, which then wants to take over. It literally wants to devour the divine feminine and explode into it. It's the sense of a massive release of frustration - tension caused by the resistance of the physical and therefore the welcome mastering of it.
The problem is that it's owning a purely authentic kundalini energy, which when fully expressed sexually, is immensely creative, and within orgasm, can literally propel you into higher dimensions. So to simply disown it, is to disown a most important aspect of yourself - of your soul and divine connection into the cosmos.
This is what I mean when speaking of the need to heal this 'wounded dragon'.
When it's distorted out in the world, it often makes the divine feminine retract, and go out of body, withdrawing from this density (it literally made a higher aspect of Gaia retract too, and the lower part to be suppressed into the core). The consciousness literally takes over in this density because the divine feminine has been oppressed in this way. And most challenging, is that as the soul retracts, it fragments, leaving sometimes horrendous karmic memories within the lower vehicles (that of rape, brutality and most common of all, traumatic birth experiences). It's why that karma of oppression keeps recreating itself. It's why so much healing work in this area is necessary.
- For me, to truly heal, is to penetrate all aspects of the bodymind with BOTH energies of the divine masculine AND feminine. The divine masculine provides the will and the impetus to do it. The soul then surrenders through the pain with the divine feminine, taking sovereignty once more of all those darkened inner nooks, where the raptor consciousness has hidden - yes it hides in the female body too. I've often literally felt it sending out energetic, sexual tentacles from women who were completely unconscious of it - because they were not completely in their own bodies.
So we have to confront those uncomfortable places where that energy might try to own you - either retracting in fear and denial, hiding behind a cloak of taboo, or else controlling, oppressing and exploiting. Sexual intimacy is a great healer of this energy. It's why tantra is so effective. You stay conscious in the midst of the alchemy, you stay present, you receive by giving, not by taking. You literally realign that energy inside yourself - your sexual organs encompassing an aligned heart and mind encourage the raptor energy to find a more aligned way. Simply making it wrong is to make it persist, because it thrives on such polarity.
It is for no small reason that the Eastern Goddess Quan Yin is often depicted riding a dragon. The healed dragon energy, is that of healed and aligned kundalini. When unleashed in sexual intimacy, it can literally fill the room and transport the surrounding reality, and the couple in it, to higher dimensions. True astral travel comes not from vacating the body, but deeply penetrating it with presence and awareness of the light.
I believe this is the healing many now need to undergo.
sexual healing, absolutely of high importance!
Oh Aunty Angel, please DON'T have it off!!! I was so grateful to find your post(s)! I actually mentioned it to someone in private how happy I was that with your comment you were helping to channel back the thread in the direction to where I'd be happy to see it flow, and flood (in its obvious diversity and shapes and curves and divergences -- of course).
THANK YOU for stepping into this so bravely, to show your vulnerability. <3
Yet I so much believe that together we are strong to do that. So let me read it more, let me listen to the online interview you shared, and get back. ABSOLUTELY: women sexuality is so powerful -- OMG ... I cannot even put into words! I had regressions about it too, past lives (whatever the name, I dont even care...) .
So your energy is more than welcome here! <3 Thank you, and I'll be back!
womb to womb
P.S.: Let me share a few quotes and a video before going on...:
"THERE CAN BE NO PEACE ON EARTH AS LONG AS THERE IS WAR IN LOVE." (Dieter Duhm)
So the question is: what does this mean FOR YOU (US)? Where is the "panic point" in Y/OUR life, in Y/OUR relationships, in Y/OUR solitude, Y/OUR heart? Your "womb" (even as a man)?
QUOTES from the clip below:
"There is a trauma in love.... there is a sick layer in people's souls, and on a collective level too and as soon as you touch love -- you touch a panic point."
"It's a fear of loss. It's an insecurity that the one you love will leave you. That the Home that you find in the other will not be anymore."
"It is very scary to reveal myself as a neurotic being. It triggers shame, it triggers fear as well."
"Part of the healing is to become public and recognise that what I feel as my personal need for healing is exactly the same in you, and in you, and in you... And therefore it is a cultural need.of healing. It is a larger vision of healing love which is a much bigger story."
"We have to create a society free of fear."
Evolutionary energy redeemed - sexual healing
I guess Reka I am exploring the territory of Evolutionary Energy Redeemed (Sexual healing) I posted my last comment and took the dogs for a walk in the rain in the woods. Remembering my posting I felt like emailing Open and asking him to take down my post - too much exposure, too public, too open, too at risk from the barbaric, of being misunderstood, of being leered at and made into an object, of losing my real identity. I felt shame and my throat tightened, my stomach closed and I felt sick. I've long wanted to open some further channel of exploration of sexual energy in Openhand but until now the open forum of discussion on this site felt too exposed. Still does as, my feeling rememberances show. There is so much work do to in this area. The converse is opening up to be able to feel in an aligned way how so much, no, how everything feels more right, everything is about the touch of this energy. Yesterday I felt to just lie on the earth and feel the exchange of Love, seeping from my body and into my body and the same with the wind on my face everything, everywhere and breathing and a portal. Let's do this Openhanders. lets step towards this demon. I feel like to ground the clear energy of Openhand into this exploration will be to shift something greater than we could possibly imagine.
It's weird Jen isn't it? It's
It's weird Jen isn't it? It's really hard to enclose into words this stuff. It's like, having only really been familiar with the distorted masculine, I didn't/don't know where to feel the aligned - it's like a colour I've never noticed. What I have noticed is that to encounter the fullness of the wordless expansion of the feminine, the distorted male identity within which is controlling and holding because I've always felt the (karmic) need to be able to do it alone, be sovereign, has to give way.
I've been exploring tantra in an indirected, following the path sort of a way for the last year or so and had a complete light bulb experience very recently - a sexual exchange where I recognised in the feeling of the moment that the energy of it was Love, not relationship, Love. And that I am seeing is also important; Relationship CAN be about looking for a short cut to a feeling of completion through someone out there in the mirror. It was sooo weird I'd never thought of the essence of sexual energy being about Love, because I'd been tuned to a different frequency. It was around this time I came across this conversation which to me is about re tuning to the aligned male, retrieving our focus from dissolving the distortions and opening to the question of what then remains. What is it's tone?
A space to unfold
Thank you Aunty Angel for sharing this. I feel this gap. I have to say that I feel somewhat responsible for the masculine (and the feminine) within the male to have a space to truly unfold. And yet, I do not feel safely held in that space by another in the physical.... Within I feel the coming together of these energies... I witness it and feel the activation inside... The feedback.. I watched this couple dance last night in a crowded room I was drawn to them... Just watching and feeling how they were being - each in their own fullness and each fully taking the other in... Without losing themselves... Just fully sharing and shining, and it brought tears to my eyes... And a warm glow inside. I feel another potential and a deep yearning and let that vibe within.
i didn't really touch in all that you shared, but words aren't flowing beyond this =). Thank you for bringing this in.
With love, Jen
Will this post at last? Is this the time?
Ive been feeling to post the link to this conversation for a while but couldn't find where.
Should it be on a separate Yang thread because I really would like to open this space for sharing with men in the Openhand community? I tried to post it on the Etheric moon circle a couple days ago but the system froze every time which I took as no no. ....maybe now a the space has opened here for it here.
This conversation speaks to me of the emergence of something new, a new expression of the masculine as reptilian energy is left behind. And it speaks of the exchange, the sacred sexual exchange and energy that is then once more possible as the reptilian distortions are unwound.
They start speaking about sexuality - then the conversation flows to a discussion of how the same relationship is used to work with the Earth. Holding the space, opening, watching the movement, seeing what is asking to come forth and then, as the feminine space unfolds beyond the space that is held, inviting the masculine in, once more to hold the space for the next opening. It seems to me that they are also describing is what it is to walk the path with every cell of your being alive and multidimensional, tingling, opening and expanding with receptivity at the touch of the twin flame.
In the second half of the conversation they talk about men's work - (the balance, perhaps to feminine moon circles?) about holding the space for men to become elders who then hold the space for boys as they transition to manhood. They talk about their attempts to find initiation rites that meet the ancient need of the young masculine for a rite of passage to manhood. This speaks to a howl in me for our boys and young men. It seems to me that they are the lost tribe in these times - the wounded masculine, the forgotten masculine without a vehicle for expressing itself in an aligned way: there IS a place for my pain as woman to be expressed, there is agony in the expression and hard labour, sadness,grief and loss but there is a dimension where this can be held - I'm not sure the space is manifest in the same way for our lost sons.
This is a howl for that space to open.
Thanks, Fiona. Yes, I'm feeling that it's best to have someone hold the space for me. It feels like the fierce love I hold for my children (ever ready to attack anyone who threatens them), the fear of losing them that I've had since they were born, my sense of feeling abandoned as a mother, and the anxiety and self-judgment I've experienced as a mother go way back to abduction, DNA manipulation, and traumatic birth experiences related to the Intervention. I had the most terrifying dream a while back when "they" came for me. I was paralyzed with fear and felt totally powerless and abandoned. As crazy as it sounds, watching "The X-Files" re-runs right now provides some kind of weird validation for what I'm sensing and vaguely recalling.
Powerful that you are opening up to your experiences, yes they can be horrific and scary. Movies can be quite catalytic for sure, and in my experience can be a powerful trigger for stuff. I have found having support really beneficial, there are layers I have been able to work with by myself, though working with someone brings it to another level. There is something about having someone hold the space that is truly invaluable and enables me to go deeper than I could alone.
With love and best wishes to you, Fiona
Self blame game
I resonate with what you say about how self blame could be masking other things. I recently noticed how self blame feels safer than blaming the outer world, it's been safer for me to blame myself than the world or another, particularly as an empath who has wanted to maintain harmony! Interesting what you say about how it is maintaining control too, I can see that.
As I am writing a penny is dropping about the sense of powerlessness experienced and how it would appear futile to express one's anger or emotions in such situations (infact it could be even more dangerous) and so it gets suppressed or directed inwards, and perhaps on a subtle unconscious level the projection seeps outwards as well...
With love, Fiona
The primal in man
Amazing poem Amber - just literally pouring with truth.
Yes, connecting with the primal in man will drive you into all of this experience.
Thank you Amber for this poem.
Love - oooh, it's such a great part of it!
-- just not this sentimental prison that most consider loving relationship... ; )
Thank you for your sharing!
And for the sharing of you all and I promise I'll get back to you (all) - right now I'm reading and integrating and patiently waiting for the main threads wanting to show themselves for us all here, so please, keep engaging!
I'm so very grateful for this, for it all!
re: healing towards a fully integrated soul
When i read Rekas last comment above it made me think of this poem.
If You Want to Change the World, Love a Man (2013)
If you want to change the world, love a man, really love him.
Find the one whose eyes are like blazing suns,
that make you look away the first time,
that pierce right through you,
blinding you to everything but the moment,
melting you into a puddle of soft pastel light,
even though you cringe at the color, pink.
The one who stops your thinking,
who sends your lashes fluttering
and all the blood rushing to your cheeks.
whose smile is like a flute,
who summons honey bee songs,
blossom songs and morning bird songs
with his listening.
The fallen-sky-one with the mark on his back,
where he lost his feathers from flying too close to a star.
The broken one in search of his wings,
who tells you the story of how to make fire.
If you want to change the world, love a man
beyond your fear of being burned.
Beyond unforgiveness and the walls you’ve built
to protect your sovereignity and anonymity.
Love him beyond old wounds and lies
you believed to be truth,
the hole in your heart from an absent father,
the scar on your sacred flower left by thieves.
Beyond past lives and the memory
you keep like a shrine to betrayal
when you fell to your knees in the ashes of your village,
and love became a field of bones.
Lift your darkened face to him who stands before you.
Take his hand and let him raise you to your feet.
Trust him to hold you as you tremble and weep in his arms for all that has been lost and found in this holy instant.
If you want to change the world, love a man
Beyond your faithlessness
and your secret hatred of humanity
Beyond all your judgment and self righteous projection.
The stone on your heart is as ancient
as the thought that you had to deny His existence
to know your power.
You are no less God than you ever were.
Man is no more guilty than Woman is innocent.
Love him for bearing the burden of desire in his sex
so your temple could remain whole unto itself-
for taking on the split aspect of mind
that seemed to abandon the oneness of heaven
so that you might know the joy of Its extension.
Love the ecstatic, primal root
castrated by religion as the root of all evil-
the channel of divine creative impulse-
that sparks the seeds of life, death and birth
from the womb of space and time.
Love the humble guardian and warrior
Man has been to Woman
even as he hunts her,
even in his drive towards self gratification,
which ultimately is the portal to soul union.
Love the violator who holds the mirror
to everything you have disowned within yourself-
so that all your desire, your creative impulse
may be freed
from the chains of separation, lack and guilt
and you can finally trust your Self.
If you want to change the world, love a man
in all his instinctual animal nature,
in all his hunger and devotion to beauty.
Love him beyond your vanity and pridefulness,
your gilded possessiveness and need to special-
beyond your well thought out conditions for safety
and all your concepts of how a man
should be in relationship.
Love him beyond your anger at not getting your way,
beyond your terror of not knowing or being in control.
Love him in his relentless pursuit
to penetrate the deepest sanctuaries within you,
that hold the chaos of your strongest emotions,
your carefully guarded secrets of separation
between light and dark, virgin and whore,
man and woman, spirit and form.
Love him for opening the door to sensuality,
to your primordial self that is beyond duality,
for binding you to pleasure
even as the air closes in around you,
even as you writhe with madness,
cursing your incarnation as the enemy-
even as you contract and claw,
crying out in despair, such joy it brings.
Love him for not yielding
to your resistance to surrender-
for standing in his masculine power
even as you threaten to destroy him.
If you want to change the world, love your man
for leaving you to live his purpose,
whether it’s for a day, a week, months or years.
Love him for breaking his own heart over and over-
for holding the tension and balance
of polarity and intimacy,
of distance and closeness.
Love his need for silence and solace-
for keeping some of his mystery to himself-
not that he has anything to hide,
but so you will always have surprises!
Love his evolutionary nature
that seeks new experiences,
that can never be satisfied-
for his boundless curiosity,
that if allowed to be free
might be your own liberation
Love him for shining independently
from the seat of his own majesty-
for not needing, yet choosing you
from a place of knowing his magnificence.
Love him for being your patient direction and destiny-
for returning to you
your own brightness through the dark night-
for helping you to remember
the one and only relationship you’ve ever had
and tried to forget-
for bringing you to that vulnerable, powerless
abiding place of surrender
you’ve been afraid of and waiting for all your life-
where you can finally be consumed by Love-
where you can finally be claimed by God.
In reply to re: healing towards a fully integrated soul by amber (not verified)
Thank you for sharing this Amber...I am deeply touched by it...<3.... I feel a huge upwelling of recognition that is hard to put into words. Love, Jen
Thank you for this focus, Réka. I resonate with balancing the divine masculine and divine feminine energies within ourselves and have found Open's meditation to be so helpful these past few years in that regard. I feel the truth about transcending the duality of male/female gender. I recently recognized my identification with the oppressed woman in a patriarchal society and resonated with what Open said in regard to expressing the pain without projecting it as paternal. I'm feeling releases and shifts around this.
Fiona, your post stands out for me about remembrances around traumatic birth experiences related to the Intervention. My awareness is increasingly opening up to this trauma. I'm drawn to watching sci-fi shows right now that are helping me connect the dots and uncover the trauma. It feels pretty horrific and scary, but I feel the pull to get into it so I can let it go. Not sure how to truly get into this on my own though so will consider more facilitation coaching.
What the outer mirror is inviting these days is to feel into my pain around feeling abandoned when I was raising my two children with too few family and social supports -- and a husband who was frequently absent due to the nature of his work. Abandonment has been a constant conditioned theme in my life. I have such deep empathy for mothers today who have too much responsibility on their shoulders with intensive social pressure to be the perfect mother almost solely responsible for how their children "turn out". What happened to the village that it takes to raise a child? I often felt so overwhelmed and over-stretched as a working mother of two children. These days the mirror is inviting me to become acutely aware of how I have judged myself as an inadequate mother, and I feel such sorrow and sadness about this despite loving my children to the best of my ability when I was raising them. I recognize how deeply insecure I was/am about my mothering abilities and how I have projected that outwards, particularly when my mother and other family members criticized my mothering ability when my children were young. I was mostly unconscious of my social/family conditioning back then so unconsciously passed it on to my children. I became more aware of my conditioning as they grew older and did my best not to repeat it but with little knowledge and too few skills to truly do so. Looking at the big picture, I accept that this is part of my karmic journey and the karmic journey of my children. But the pain is intense these days.
How deeply my heart goes out to mothers everywhere. That said, I'm aware that it's certainly not easy for fathers either, but it feels like the pressure to raise "well-adjusted" children still falls mostly on the shoulders of mothers. The way out of course is to release judgment about "right" and "wrong" and to view everything we experience as an opportunity to release attachment and transcend beyond. I'm gradually feeling the judgment dissolving.
These song lyrics to the Beatles' Lady Madonna run through me:
"Lady Madonna, children at your feet
Wonder how you manage to make ends meet
Who finds the money? When you pay the rent?
Did you think that money was Heaven sent?
Friday night arrives without a suitcase
Sunday morning creep in like a nun
Monday's child has learned to tie his bootlace
See how they run
Lady Madonna, baby at your breast
Wonder how you manage to feed the rest
See how they run
Lady Madonna, lying on the bed
Listen to the music playing in your head
Tuesday afternoon is never ending
Wednesday morning papers didn't come
Thursday night you stockings needed mending
See how they run
Lady Madonna, children at your feet
Wonder how you manage to make ends meet."
Thank you Fiona, that is such a heart warming story <3.
Yes I do so embrace the purpose of it all. Lately it feels like all the places that I am holding self blame are rising to the surface to be felt and honored and for me to take responsibility for my part but to release the sense of self blame/guilt, recognizing the distortion creating and drawing the experience for the evolution and liberation of soul through it.
Also starting to wonder if the self blame is masking and a way around feeling some underlying anger and blame pointed outward.... Like the self blame keeps me feeling in control and not as disempowered. Blaming the outside is of course disempowering as well but a sense of powerlessness may be hiding out underneath the self blame, unfelt and thus unconscious and inharmoniously creative. To get to the sense of sovereignty through the event it feels important to first feel the sense of powerlessness it brings up... That it may be at the hands of what feels like an imposing, unavoidable force (as Open describes above) I have certainly had the experience of regressing into these experiences on courses and that is deeply healing.... Now just feeling out for where this is still hiding out.
Story for Jen
I wanted to share a story with you about my friend's birth experience. She had a ceasearan birth with her first child which she felt very guilty about, as she had intended a fully natural birth. When her daughter was 2 and a half, she attended a workshop to share and explore her birth experience. She created a figure out of clay as a gift to her daughter, and after the workshop she went home and gave her daughter the gift and told her her birth story. At the end of which the young child looked at her mother and said "But Mummy I wanted to be lifted out." I love this story, it reminds me that we create exactly the right experiences we need at a soul level.
Past life experiences
I am one of the women Open refers to who has experienced numerous past life traumatic birth experiences related to the intervention. I also believe I have had later past life experiences as a result of the initial source karma. In most of the experiences I have recalled, the baby (sometimes not in human form) dies or is taken from me. I recall times when I am cut open and left to die. The sense of loss is immense, sometimes there has been anger to work through/be expressed too. I can say that finding my soul and power through those experiences has been possible and really healing (often I have had the assistance of Open or other facilitators - thanks dearly to each of you). I really resonate when Open says that the body is a vehicle of experience, as we are beyond that.
I found contemplating and connecting with the above (and more which I've not posted) insightful, emotive (still work to be done!!!) and I appreciate the space to share...
With blessings, Fiona
I'm so looking forward to this thread unfurling, thank you Reka. I can relate to what someone else said on another thread here, I feel like a child sitting amongst a circle of wise women during these discussions. I can't grasp half of what you are talking about, but feel very much to sit quietly, absorb and learn from you.
I recently read Body of Wisdom (recommended by Helen, thank you) and was just blown away by it, it felt like I was being reconnected to the rich humus of the female soul, a deep reminder.
Talking to friends about menstruation, purification, creativity, longing in this new light I can see how needed women's circles are.
So I'm going take a bold step and start a small circle with a few women in my area. I've never done anything like this before so there is an element of trepidation and fear. I'm so looking forward to exploring and growing in this area....the energy of the east is calling me.
Healing toward the fully integrated soul
This is a totally awesome thread - thanks so much for initiating it Reka - and thanks you Openhanders for supporting it. There'll be so much healing and empowerment to come from it. :-)
The subject of the sense of women being disempowered by the masculine energy in the past is clearly strongly present. I encounter this a great deal in the Openhand course work and in one-on-one coaching.
Frequently in my healing work, I find women regress into extremely challenging past life karma, particularly to do with the intervention and especially around birth issues - often having felt brutalised and raped. Because women were experimented on in order to birth Homo Sapiens - yes, its a huge topic, and to many will seem very 'out there'. But the story is all there written into our genes and chromosomes. (I've gone into detail in Divinicus).
I feel to offer one very important piece of advice at this early stage as the thread takes off:
- Yes, to truly heal and progress, each much dive deep into their respective karmic source pain. And this will mean looking in detail at the respective - and different - challenges of being incarnated in a female or male body. However true empowerment is empowerment of the soul. And the soul is genderless. It has a range of frequencies including both the divine masculine and the divine feminine in all. True empowerment is to unleash all of these frequencies inside oneself. Not just to favour or focus on one.
So as I've regressed women through these often horrific experiences, in the midst of their physical disempowerment (and there will always be someone or something stronger physically), I've reminded them:
- it is their choice as to whether they stay empowered or not
it is their choice to retain sovereignty of their field or not
it is their choice to fully infuse soul or to retract.
This approach requires both the surrender and empathy of the divine feminine aspect of the soul, and also, the will and commitment of the divine masculine aspect of the soul - the will to infuse into the bodymind, no matter what is happening to it.
- Of course a big part of that healing work is to fully honour and express the pain you might be feeling - to let it out. Which is why I'm so supportive of people doing that here.
So I totally honour and support the healing work that needs to be done by both genders. And I encourage looking for the empowerment that takes us into a fully integrated soul. One that is not dependent upon the body, but uses it merely as a vehicle of experience.
re: healing towards a fully integrated soul
In reply to Healing toward the fully integrated soul by Open
Thank you dear Friend, Open!
what you emphasize is really important. Never enough of encouragment, reinforcement to support it. I see too how easy it is to "go down" the easy way, the blaming way, the victimized way. The victim program (it's an illness really...) is very strong in women - paralysing them often but also, to put it out bluntly: it poisons their surroundings too. And in cunning ways.
In the video above, in a lecture situation, you say (not exact quote):
the moment you think you are a victim, the moment you blame someone else is the very same moment when you disempower yourself.
Definitely a motto for this forum here, I hope!
You mention birth. Yes, it is one very provocative situation in today's world to bring up (karmic) issues that otherwise might be escaped, or overlooked. This is why I was drawn to work there, this is why there are so many women today whose birth experience is traumatic, or at best "quickly to be forgotten."
But in fact there is plenty of trauma in plenty of other situations as well. Meaning plenty of situations to confront and heal these issues.
And one of the reasons why I would so very-very welcome the participation of men in this forum topic is because one of the many possible healing (= full of conflict) situations is the one where feminine and masculine, men and women interact on the most basic level: relationships, love, sex, marriage. There is so much going on there.
This definitely should not be a space to air empty frustration and point fingers at men (inside or outside). In order to become (embody) the radiant masculine energy that men in their true essence are their feminine too needs to be healed. And this does not (should not) mean they become effeminate, actually, I found it is the opposite. So, I'd like to emphasize also that not only men need to heal their wounded dragon, but actually in order to do that men need to heal their internal feminine, also. And very often the reason why their feminine is distorted is a result of the effect of women in their lives who carry distorted feminine energies in themselves. And are we ladies here also to step fully into the karma and the responsibility of that? : )
And finally, one other very important point in your comment, Open: the androgynous nature of the soul. Let me too stand by your words and emphasis: we are Soul before anything else. And to express it through the filters of a polarised reality we need to clear the (masculine, feminine) lenses that distort its shine.
So please guys, step in here, please encourage and inspire other men to come here.
Please accept our loving embrace as you bravely face your inner confrontations just as we long and pray for your support in our confrontations with aspects of our selves.
We both need it. And definitely, Gaia needs it, the World needs it.
P.S.: And Helen, Fiona, Katie, Jen, Jolucy, thank you so much for you words, and ALREADY you bring up topics that are so important! Jen: the guilt you mention, woagh! Such a big issue, we will get back to that, I'm sure and thank you so much to so bravely and openly throwing it into our "sharing basket" already!
Instant inner response to engage
Thank you Reka for opening this space! I feel a huge responding within. Around 4 years ago a woman came into my life who opened up my awareness of the divine feminine... It was incredibly hard for me to digest... I had accepted so much of the status quo with regard to childbirth, healthcare, moon cycle, relating, that I felt like I was constantly on fire in her presence - much of that was quite positive in its overall effect...I felt/ feel so much guilt for what I have accepted, where I have given my power away, where I have lacked any true knowing that I could trust from within. It came in through this woman on maybe an over energized destructive quality ... There was an underlying anger that made the delivery overly harsh for me. ( this is an interesting statement to me). But it was a huge wake up call too.
This struck such a strong chord with me:
": I work as a doula, I accompany women to hospitals for their births, and what I see there is simply tragic. Women are literally abused, and raped. Maybe not in the traditional sense, but with medical equipment, they are induced, sedated, raped with metal utensils, they are robbed of their own personal will, and inherent power, robbed of their femininity, and connection to their own goddess inside."
This was me, every time...but like I said I hold such a sense of guilt for not being in my own power, for not trusting myself or at the time actually for being completely ignorant. Every time I would go in with the intention to give birth naturally and every time I was induced or or as the intensity increased I couldn't find the pathway through and those around me didn't know how to support any other way than having an epidural which would cut off my ability to feel the natural urge to push - there was a disconnect from the lower body....The whole birthing experience was cold and impersonal and actually almost hateful feeling. I remember one doctor upon my pressing to give the baby more time responded "do you want your baby to die inside you?" Or when a male doctor reached inside to check my progress with such an aggressiveness that it hurt me and he said "it's going to hurt a lot more when that baby comes out" ... I just felt so weak and powerless and yet my dreams since then about birth are always me in a tribal setting with other woman empowering me, telling me it's time, that I am ready to give birth and I feel so connected to nature to my own nature, to the Earth, I feel so supported.... Juxtapose that with the birth of my children and with my own physical birth (stuck many hours in the birth canal and pulled out with forceps) and it is a stark conflict. Of course this is all here for me as guiding lights to retuning to inner completeness... It all reflects the personal karma and as you say Reka the larger stories/ archetypes/patterns as well.
There is so much more I can explore and will - I so appreciate this space. I feel an enormous gratitude for you opening it... For fully putting this out here...I will engage completely as I explore this. Thank you, thank you, thank you! <3 with love, Jen
Thank you Reka. I'd like to be able to put some words around the feelings and journey through this, I don't think it's possible for me. Did I read somewhere that you mentioned it's like an 'ancient story playing out', this is how it feels to me. I feel like I'm moving through a script that's eons old and it's unbearable at times. And has pushed me to move in ways I didn't think would be necessary. I don't know what other to say - it's deep deep stuff...and thank you.
Thank you Reka
Thank you for initiating this thread! As a fellow doula I resonate with what you share here - it saddens me greatly to see women give their power away around birth, which in it's rightful place can be a hugely empowering event and initiation. To me it is indicative of the many ways in which people give their power away to systems within the matrix. Thank you for the wonderful and inspiring work that you do and the teaching you share.
I really appreciate your welcoming of men to the thread and your posting of the video. Often with feminine explorations I sense a pushing away of the masculine, often a sublte blaming and identification with being the victim is evident, yet it is vital to embrace this masculine aspect of ourselves and life if we are to heal.
With love and gratitude, Fiona
How exciting, Réka
I have just discovered your new forum topic and find it wonderful! Just that for now, no questions yet, but I'm really looking forward to the explorations. Thank you so much for your energy, wisdom, knowledge, generosity and love!
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