Wounded Dragon and Gaia

This video is also of importance to this thread - an exploration of Gaia's Karma...


I have just discovered your new forum topic and find it wonderful! Just that for now, no questions yet, but I'm really looking forward to the explorations. Thank you so much for your energy, wisdom, knowledge, generosity and love!


Hi Reka,

Thank you for initiating this thread! As a fellow doula I resonate with what you share here - it saddens me greatly to see women give their power away around birth, which in it's rightful place can be a hugely empowering event and initiation. To me it is indicative of the many ways in which people give their power away to systems within the matrix. Thank you for the wonderful and inspiring work that you do and the teaching you share.

I really appreciate your welcoming of men to the thread and your posting of the video. Often with feminine explorations I sense a pushing away of the masculine, often a sublte blaming and identification with being the victim is evident, yet it is vital to embrace this masculine aspect of ourselves and life if we are to heal.

With love and gratitude, Fiona

Thank you Reka. I'd like to be able to put some words around the feelings and journey through this, I don't think it's possible for me. Did I read somewhere that you mentioned it's like an 'ancient story playing out', this is how it feels to me. I feel like I'm moving through a script that's eons old and it's unbearable at times. And has pushed me to move in ways I didn't think would be necessary. I don't know what other to say - it's deep deep stuff...and thank you.

Thank you Reka for opening this space! I feel a huge responding within. Around 4 years ago a woman came into my life who opened up my awareness of the divine feminine... It was incredibly hard for me to digest... I had accepted so much of the status quo with regard to childbirth, healthcare, moon cycle, relating, that I felt like I was constantly on fire in her presence - much of that was quite positive in its overall effect...I felt/ feel so much guilt for what I have accepted, where I have given my power away, where I have lacked any true knowing that I could trust from within. It came in through this woman on maybe an over energized destructive quality ... There was an underlying anger that made the delivery overly harsh for me. ( this is an interesting statement to me). But it was a huge wake up call too.

This struck such a strong chord with me:
": I work as a doula, I accompany women to hospitals for their births, and what I see there is simply tragic. Women are literally abused, and raped. Maybe not in the traditional sense, but with medical equipment, they are induced, sedated, raped with metal utensils, they are robbed of their own personal will, and inherent power, robbed of their femininity, and connection to their own goddess inside."

This was me, every time...but like I said I hold such a sense of guilt for not being in my own power, for not trusting myself or at the time actually for being completely ignorant. Every time I would go in with the intention to give birth naturally and every time I was induced or or as the intensity increased I couldn't find the pathway through and those around me didn't know how to support any other way than having an epidural which would cut off my ability to feel the natural urge to push - there was a disconnect from the lower body....The whole birthing experience was cold and impersonal and actually almost hateful feeling. I remember one doctor upon my pressing to give the baby more time responded "do you want your baby to die inside you?" Or when a male doctor reached inside to check my progress with such an aggressiveness that it hurt me and he said "it's going to hurt a lot more when that baby comes out" ... I just felt so weak and powerless and yet my dreams since then about birth are always me in a tribal setting with other woman empowering me, telling me it's time, that I am ready to give birth and I feel so connected to nature to my own nature, to the Earth, I feel so supported.... Juxtapose that with the birth of my children and with my own physical birth (stuck many hours in the birth canal and pulled out with forceps) and it is a stark conflict. Of course this is all here for me as guiding lights to retuning to inner completeness... It all reflects the personal karma and as you say Reka the larger stories/ archetypes/patterns as well.

There is so much more I can explore and will - I so appreciate this space. I feel an enormous gratitude for you opening it... For fully putting this out here...I will engage completely as I explore this. Thank you, thank you, thank you! <3 with love, Jen

This is a totally awesome thread - thanks so much for initiating it Reka - and thanks you Openhanders for supporting it. There'll be so much healing and empowerment to come from it. :-)

The subject of the sense of women being disempowered by the masculine energy in the past is clearly strongly present. I encounter this a great deal in the Openhand course work and in one-on-one coaching.

Frequently in my healing work, I find women regress into extremely challenging past life karma, particularly to do with the intervention and especially around birth issues - often having felt brutalised and raped. Because women were experimented on in order to birth Homo Sapiens - yes, its a huge topic, and to many will seem very 'out there'. But the story is all there written into our genes and chromosomes. (I've gone into detail in Divinicus).

I feel to offer one very important piece of advice at this early stage as the thread takes off:

    Yes, to truly heal and progress, each much dive deep into their respective karmic source pain. And this will mean looking in detail at the respective - and different - challenges of being incarnated in a female or male body. However true empowerment is empowerment of the soul. And the soul is genderless. It has a range of frequencies including both the divine masculine and the divine feminine in all. True empowerment is to unleash all of these frequencies inside oneself. Not just to favour or focus on one.

So as I've regressed women through these often horrific experiences, in the midst of their physical disempowerment (and there will always be someone or something stronger physically), I've reminded them:

    it is their choice as to whether they stay empowered or not
    it is their choice to retain sovereignty of their field or not
    it is their choice to fully infuse soul or to retract.

This approach requires both the surrender and empathy of the divine feminine aspect of the soul, and also, the will and commitment of the divine masculine aspect of the soul - the will to infuse into the bodymind, no matter what is happening to it.

    Of course a big part of that healing work is to fully honour and express the pain you might be feeling - to let it out. Which is why I'm so supportive of people doing that here.

So I totally honour and support the healing work that needs to be done by both genders. And I encourage looking for the empowerment that takes us into a fully integrated soul. One that is not dependent upon the body, but uses it merely as a vehicle of experience.


Open *give_rose*

I'm so looking forward to this thread unfurling, thank you Reka. I can relate to what someone else said on another thread here, I feel like a child sitting amongst a circle of wise women during these discussions. I can't grasp half of what you are talking about, but feel very much to sit quietly, absorb and learn from you.
I recently read Body of Wisdom (recommended by Helen, thank you) and was just blown away by it, it felt like I was being reconnected to the rich humus of the female soul, a deep reminder.
Talking to friends about menstruation, purification, creativity, longing in this new light I can see how needed women's circles are.
So I'm going take a bold step and start a small circle with a few women in my area. I've never done anything like this before so there is an element of trepidation and fear. I'm so looking forward to exploring and growing in this area....the energy of the east is calling me.

In reply to by Open

Thank you dear Friend, Open!

what you emphasize is really important. Never enough of encouragment, reinforcement to support it. I see too how easy it is to "go down" the easy way, the blaming way, the victimized way. The victim program (it's an illness really...) is very strong in women - paralysing them often but also, to put it out bluntly: it poisons their surroundings too. And in cunning ways.

In the video above, in a lecture situation, you say (not exact quote):

the moment you think you are a victim, the moment you blame someone else is the very same moment when you disempower yourself.

Definitely a motto for this forum here, I hope!

You mention birth. Yes, it is one very provocative situation in today's world to bring up (karmic) issues that otherwise might be escaped, or overlooked. This is why I was drawn to work there, this is why there are so many women today whose birth experience is traumatic, or at best "quickly to be forgotten."

But in fact there is plenty of trauma in plenty of other situations as well. Meaning plenty of situations to confront and heal these issues.

And one of the reasons why I would so very-very welcome the participation of men in this forum topic is because one of the many possible healing (= full of conflict) situations is the one where feminine and masculine, men and women interact on the most basic level: relationships, love, sex, marriage. There is so much going on there.

This definitely should not be a space to air empty frustration and point fingers at men (inside or outside). In order to become (embody) the radiant masculine energy that men in their true essence are their feminine too needs to be healed. And this does not (should not) mean they become effeminate, actually, I found it is the opposite. So, I'd like to emphasize also that not only men need to heal their wounded dragon, but actually in order to do that men need to heal their internal feminine, also. And very often the reason why their feminine is distorted is a result of the effect of women in their lives who carry distorted feminine energies in themselves. And are we ladies here also to step fully into the karma and the responsibility of that? : )

And finally, one other very important point in your comment, Open: the androgynous nature of the soul. Let me too stand by your words and emphasis: we are Soul before anything else. And to express it through the filters of a polarised reality we need to clear the (masculine, feminine) lenses that distort its shine.

So please guys, step in here, please encourage and inspire other men to come here.

Please accept our loving embrace as you bravely face your inner confrontations just as we long and pray for your support in our confrontations with aspects of our selves.

We both need it. And definitely, Gaia needs it, the World needs it.

P.S.: And Helen, Fiona, Katie, Jen, Jolucy, thank you so much for you words, and ALREADY you bring up topics that are so important! Jen: the guilt you mention, woagh! Such a big issue, we will get back to that, I'm sure and thank you so much to so bravely and openly throwing it into our "sharing basket" already!


I am one of the women Open refers to who has experienced numerous past life traumatic birth experiences related to the intervention. I also believe I have had later past life experiences as a result of the initial source karma. In most of the experiences I have recalled, the baby (sometimes not in human form) dies or is taken from me. I recall times when I am cut open and left to die. The sense of loss is immense, sometimes there has been anger to work through/be expressed too. I can say that finding my soul and power through those experiences has been possible and really healing (often I have had the assistance of Open or other facilitators - thanks dearly to each of you). I really resonate when Open says that the body is a vehicle of experience, as we are beyond that.

I found contemplating and connecting with the above (and more which I've not posted) insightful, emotive (still work to be done!!!) and I appreciate the space to share...

With blessings, Fiona

Hi Jen,

I wanted to share a story with you about my friend's birth experience. She had a ceasearan birth with her first child which she felt very guilty about, as she had intended a fully natural birth. When her daughter was 2 and a half, she attended a workshop to share and explore her birth experience. She created a figure out of clay as a gift to her daughter, and after the workshop she went home and gave her daughter the gift and told her her birth story. At the end of which the young child looked at her mother and said "But Mummy I wanted to be lifted out." I love this story, it reminds me that we create exactly the right experiences we need at a soul level.

Love Fiona

Thank you Fiona, that is such a heart warming story <3.

Yes I do so embrace the purpose of it all. Lately it feels like all the places that I am holding self blame are rising to the surface to be felt and honored and for me to take responsibility for my part but to release the sense of self blame/guilt, recognizing the distortion creating and drawing the experience for the evolution and liberation of soul through it.

Also starting to wonder if the self blame is masking and a way around feeling some underlying anger and blame pointed outward.... Like the self blame keeps me feeling in control and not as disempowered. Blaming the outside is of course disempowering as well but a sense of powerlessness may be hiding out underneath the self blame, unfelt and thus unconscious and inharmoniously creative. To get to the sense of sovereignty through the event it feels important to first feel the sense of powerlessness it brings up... That it may be at the hands of what feels like an imposing, unavoidable force (as Open describes above) I have certainly had the experience of regressing into these experiences on courses and that is deeply healing.... Now just feeling out for where this is still hiding out.

With love,

Thank you for this focus, Réka. I resonate with balancing the divine masculine and divine feminine energies within ourselves and have found Open's meditation to be so helpful these past few years in that regard. I feel the truth about transcending the duality of male/female gender. I recently recognized my identification with the oppressed woman in a patriarchal society and resonated with what Open said in regard to expressing the pain without projecting it as paternal. I'm feeling releases and shifts around this.

Fiona, your post stands out for me about remembrances around traumatic birth experiences related to the Intervention. My awareness is increasingly opening up to this trauma. I'm drawn to watching sci-fi shows right now that are helping me connect the dots and uncover the trauma. It feels pretty horrific and scary, but I feel the pull to get into it so I can let it go. Not sure how to truly get into this on my own though so will consider more facilitation coaching.

What the outer mirror is inviting these days is to feel into my pain around feeling abandoned when I was raising my two children with too few family and social supports -- and a husband who was frequently absent due to the nature of his work. Abandonment has been a constant conditioned theme in my life. I have such deep empathy for mothers today who have too much responsibility on their shoulders with intensive social pressure to be the perfect mother almost solely responsible for how their children "turn out". What happened to the village that it takes to raise a child? I often felt so overwhelmed and over-stretched as a working mother of two children. These days the mirror is inviting me to become acutely aware of how I have judged myself as an inadequate mother, and I feel such sorrow and sadness about this despite loving my children to the best of my ability when I was raising them. I recognize how deeply insecure I was/am about my mothering abilities and how I have projected that outwards, particularly when my mother and other family members criticized my mothering ability when my children were young. I was mostly unconscious of my social/family conditioning back then so unconsciously passed it on to my children. I became more aware of my conditioning as they grew older and did my best not to repeat it but with little knowledge and too few skills to truly do so. Looking at the big picture, I accept that this is part of my karmic journey and the karmic journey of my children. But the pain is intense these days.

How deeply my heart goes out to mothers everywhere. That said, I'm aware that it's certainly not easy for fathers either, but it feels like the pressure to raise "well-adjusted" children still falls mostly on the shoulders of mothers. The way out of course is to release judgment about "right" and "wrong" and to view everything we experience as an opportunity to release attachment and transcend beyond. I'm gradually feeling the judgment dissolving.

These song lyrics to the Beatles' Lady Madonna run through me:

"Lady Madonna, children at your feet
Wonder how you manage to make ends meet
Who finds the money? When you pay the rent?
Did you think that money was Heaven sent?
Friday night arrives without a suitcase
Sunday morning creep in like a nun
Monday's child has learned to tie his bootlace
See how they run

Lady Madonna, baby at your breast
Wonder how you manage to feed the rest

See how they run

Lady Madonna, lying on the bed
Listen to the music playing in your head

Tuesday afternoon is never ending
Wednesday morning papers didn't come
Thursday night you stockings needed mending
See how they run

Lady Madonna, children at your feet
Wonder how you manage to make ends meet."

x Catherine


When i read Rekas last comment above it made me think of this poem.

If You Want to Change the World, Love a Man (2013)

If you want to change the world, love a man, really love him.
Find the one whose eyes are like blazing suns,
that make you look away the first time,
that pierce right through you,
blinding you to everything but the moment,
melting you into a puddle of soft pastel light,
even though you cringe at the color, pink.

The one who stops your thinking,
who sends your lashes fluttering
and all the blood rushing to your cheeks.
The slow-to-speak-one,
whose smile is like a flute,
who summons honey bee songs,
blossom songs and morning bird songs
with his listening.

The fallen-sky-one with the mark on his back,
where he lost his feathers from flying too close to a star.

The broken one in search of his wings,
who tells you the story of how to make fire.

If you want to change the world, love a man
beyond your fear of being burned.

Beyond unforgiveness and the walls you’ve built
to protect your sovereignity and anonymity.

Love him beyond old wounds and lies
you believed to be truth,
the hole in your heart from an absent father,
the scar on your sacred flower left by thieves.

Beyond past lives and the memory
you keep like a shrine to betrayal
when you fell to your knees in the ashes of your village,
and love became a field of bones.

Lift your darkened face to him who stands before you.
Take his hand and let him raise you to your feet.

Trust him to hold you as you tremble and weep in his arms for all that has been lost and found in this holy instant.

If you want to change the world, love a man
Beyond your faithlessness
and your secret hatred of humanity
Beyond all your judgment and self righteous projection.

The stone on your heart is as ancient
as the thought that you had to deny His existence
to know your power.

You are no less God than you ever were.
Man is no more guilty than Woman is innocent.

Love him for bearing the burden of desire in his sex
so your temple could remain whole unto itself-
for taking on the split aspect of mind
that seemed to abandon the oneness of heaven
so that you might know the joy of Its extension.

Love the ecstatic, primal root
castrated by religion as the root of all evil-
the channel of divine creative impulse-
that sparks the seeds of life, death and birth
from the womb of space and time.

Love the humble guardian and warrior
Man has been to Woman
even as he hunts her,
even in his drive towards self gratification,
which ultimately is the portal to soul union.

Love the violator who holds the mirror
to everything you have disowned within yourself-
so that all your desire, your creative impulse
may be freed
from the chains of separation, lack and guilt
and you can finally trust your Self.

If you want to change the world, love a man
in all his instinctual animal nature,
in all his hunger and devotion to beauty.

Love him beyond your vanity and pridefulness,
your gilded possessiveness and need to special-
beyond your well thought out conditions for safety
and all your concepts of how a man
should be in relationship.

Love him beyond your anger at not getting your way,
beyond your terror of not knowing or being in control.

Love him in his relentless pursuit
to penetrate the deepest sanctuaries within you,
that hold the chaos of your strongest emotions,
your carefully guarded secrets of separation
between light and dark, virgin and whore,
man and woman, spirit and form.

Love him for opening the door to sensuality,
to your primordial self that is beyond duality,
for binding you to pleasure
even as the air closes in around you,
even as you writhe with madness,
cursing your incarnation as the enemy-
even as you contract and claw,
crying out in despair, such joy it brings.

Love him for not yielding
to your resistance to surrender-
for standing in his masculine power
even as you threaten to destroy him.

If you want to change the world, love your man
for leaving you to live his purpose,
whether it’s for a day, a week, months or years.

Love him for breaking his own heart over and over-
for holding the tension and balance
of polarity and intimacy,
of distance and closeness.

Love his need for silence and solace-
for keeping some of his mystery to himself-
not that he has anything to hide,
but so you will always have surprises!

Love his evolutionary nature
that seeks new experiences,
that can never be satisfied-
for his boundless curiosity,
that if allowed to be free
might be your own liberation
from complacency.

Love him for shining independently
from the seat of his own majesty-
for not needing, yet choosing you
from a place of knowing his magnificence.

Love him for being your patient direction and destiny-
for returning to you
your own brightness through the dark night-
for helping you to remember
the one and only relationship you’ve ever had
and tried to forget-
for bringing you to that vulnerable, powerless
abiding place of surrender
you’ve been afraid of and waiting for all your life-
where you can finally be consumed by Love-
where you can finally be claimed by God.

-lisa citore

Thank you Amber for this poem.

Love - oooh, it's such a great part of it!
-- just not this sentimental prison that most consider loving relationship... ; )

Thank you for your sharing!

And for the sharing of you all and I promise I'll get back to you (all) - right now I'm reading and integrating and patiently waiting for the main threads wanting to show themselves for us all here, so please, keep engaging!

I'm so very grateful for this, for it all!


Amazing poem Amber - just literally pouring with truth.

Yes, connecting with the primal in man will drive you into all of this experience.


Hi Jen,

I resonate with what you say about how self blame could be masking other things. I recently noticed how self blame feels safer than blaming the outer world, it's been safer for me to blame myself than the world or another, particularly as an empath who has wanted to maintain harmony! Interesting what you say about how it is maintaining control too, I can see that.

As I am writing a penny is dropping about the sense of powerlessness experienced and how it would appear futile to express one's anger or emotions in such situations (infact it could be even more dangerous) and so it gets suppressed or directed inwards, and perhaps on a subtle unconscious level the projection seeps outwards as well...

With love, Fiona

Hi Catherine,

Powerful that you are opening up to your experiences, yes they can be horrific and scary. Movies can be quite catalytic for sure, and in my experience can be a powerful trigger for stuff. I have found having support really beneficial, there are layers I have been able to work with by myself, though working with someone brings it to another level. There is something about having someone hold the space that is truly invaluable and enables me to go deeper than I could alone.

With love and best wishes to you, Fiona

Thanks, Fiona. Yes, I'm feeling that it's best to have someone hold the space for me. It feels like the fierce love I hold for my children (ever ready to attack anyone who threatens them), the fear of losing them that I've had since they were born, my sense of feeling abandoned as a mother, and the anxiety and self-judgment I've experienced as a mother go way back to abduction, DNA manipulation, and traumatic birth experiences related to the Intervention. I had the most terrifying dream a while back when "they" came for me. I was paralyzed with fear and felt totally powerless and abandoned. As crazy as it sounds, watching "The X-Files" re-runs right now provides some kind of weird validation for what I'm sensing and vaguely recalling.


Ive been feeling to post the link to this conversation for a while but couldn't find where.
Should it be on a separate Yang thread because I really would like to open this space for sharing with men in the Openhand community? I tried to post it on the Etheric moon circle a couple days ago but the system froze every time which I took as no no. ....maybe now a the space has opened here for it here.
This conversation speaks to me of the emergence of something new, a new expression of the masculine as reptilian energy is left behind. And it speaks of the exchange, the sacred sexual exchange and energy that is then once more possible as the reptilian distortions are unwound.
They start speaking about sexuality - then the conversation flows to a discussion of how the same relationship is used to work with the Earth. Holding the space, opening, watching the movement, seeing what is asking to come forth and then, as the feminine space unfolds beyond the space that is held, inviting the masculine in, once more to hold the space for the next opening. It seems to me that they are also describing is what it is to walk the path with every cell of your being alive and multidimensional, tingling, opening and expanding with receptivity at the touch of the twin flame.
In the second half of the conversation they talk about men's work - (the balance, perhaps to feminine moon circles?) about holding the space for men to become elders who then hold the space for boys as they transition to manhood. They talk about their attempts to find initiation rites that meet the ancient need of the young masculine for a rite of passage to manhood. This speaks to a howl in me for our boys and young men. It seems to me that they are the lost tribe in these times - the wounded masculine, the forgotten masculine without a vehicle for expressing itself in an aligned way: there IS a place for my pain as woman to be expressed, there is agony in the expression and hard labour, sadness,grief and loss but there is a dimension where this can be held - I'm not sure the space is manifest in the same way for our lost sons.
This is a howl for that space to open.

In reply to by amber (not verified)

Thank you for sharing this Amber...I am deeply touched by it...<3.... I feel a huge upwelling of recognition that is hard to put into words. Love, Jen

Thank you Aunty Angel for sharing this. I feel this gap. I have to say that I feel somewhat responsible for the masculine (and the feminine) within the male to have a space to truly unfold. And yet, I do not feel safely held in that space by another in the physical.... Within I feel the coming together of these energies... I witness it and feel the activation inside... The feedback.. I watched this couple dance last night in a crowded room I was drawn to them... Just watching and feeling how they were being - each in their own fullness and each fully taking the other in... Without losing themselves... Just fully sharing and shining, and it brought tears to my eyes... And a warm glow inside. I feel another potential and a deep yearning and let that vibe within.

i didn't really touch in all that you shared, but words aren't flowing beyond this =). Thank you for bringing this in.
With love, Jen

It's weird Jen isn't it? It's really hard to enclose into words this stuff. It's like, having only really been familiar with the distorted masculine, I didn't/don't know where to feel the aligned - it's like a colour I've never noticed. What I have noticed is that to encounter the fullness of the wordless expansion of the feminine, the distorted male identity within which is controlling and holding because I've always felt the (karmic) need to be able to do it alone, be sovereign, has to give way.
I've been exploring tantra in an indirected, following the path sort of a way for the last year or so and had a complete light bulb experience very recently - a sexual exchange where I recognised in the feeling of the moment that the energy of it was Love, not relationship, Love. And that I am seeing is also important; Relationship CAN be about looking for a short cut to a feeling of completion through someone out there in the mirror. It was sooo weird I'd never thought of the essence of sexual energy being about Love, because I'd been tuned to a different frequency. It was around this time I came across this conversation which to me is about re tuning to the aligned male, retrieving our focus from dissolving the distortions and opening to the question of what then remains. What is it's tone?

I guess Reka I am exploring the territory of Evolutionary Energy Redeemed (Sexual healing) I posted my last comment and took the dogs for a walk in the rain in the woods. Remembering my posting I felt like emailing Open and asking him to take down my post - too much exposure, too public, too open, too at risk from the barbaric, of being misunderstood, of being leered at and made into an object, of losing my real identity. I felt shame and my throat tightened, my stomach closed and I felt sick. I've long wanted to open some further channel of exploration of sexual energy in Openhand but until now the open forum of discussion on this site felt too exposed. Still does as, my feeling rememberances show. There is so much work do to in this area. The converse is opening up to be able to feel in an aligned way how so much, no, how everything feels more right, everything is about the touch of this energy. Yesterday I felt to just lie on the earth and feel the exchange of Love, seeping from my body and into my body and the same with the wind on my face everything, everywhere and breathing and a portal. Let's do this Openhanders. lets step towards this demon. I feel like to ground the clear energy of Openhand into this exploration will be to shift something greater than we could possibly imagine.

Oh Aunty Angel, please DON'T have it off!!! I was so grateful to find your post(s)! I actually mentioned it to someone in private how happy I was that with your comment you were helping to channel back the thread in the direction to where I'd be happy to see it flow, and flood (in its obvious diversity and shapes and curves and divergences -- of course).

THANK YOU for stepping into this so bravely, to show your vulnerability. <3

Yet I so much believe that together we are strong to do that. So let me read it more, let me listen to the online interview you shared, and get back. ABSOLUTELY: women sexuality is so powerful -- OMG ... I cannot even put into words! I had regressions about it too, past lives (whatever the name, I dont even care...) .

So your energy is more than welcome here! <3 Thank you, and I'll be back!
womb to womb
P.S.: Let me share a few quotes and a video before going on...:


So the question is: what does this mean FOR YOU (US)? Where is the "panic point" in Y/OUR life, in Y/OUR relationships, in Y/OUR solitude, Y/OUR heart? Your "womb" (even as a man)?

QUOTES from the clip below:

"There is a trauma in love.... there is a sick layer in people's souls, and on a collective level too and as soon as you touch love -- you touch a panic point."
"It's a fear of loss. It's an insecurity that the one you love will leave you. That the Home that you find in the other will not be anymore."
"It is very scary to reveal myself as a neurotic being. It triggers shame, it triggers fear as well."
"Part of the healing is to become public and recognise that what I feel as my personal need for healing is exactly the same in you, and in you, and in you... And therefore it is a cultural need.of healing. It is a larger vision of healing love which is a much bigger story."
"We have to create a society free of fear."


Such a powerful film - thanks so much for sharing

So this 'demon' we're speaking of that is devouring the Earth in the 3D is the 'raptor consciousness' and it distorts both the divine masculine and feminine. It's an ancient energy that's dwelled in the bowls of the earth, depicted as the snake in the Adam and Eve story. As I explained in Divinicus, it actually came here as a DNA 'virus', on a comet, from elsewhere in the cosmos.

And yes, where it rears its head, is often within sexuality.

Within the masculine, it's an energy that rises up from the base (literally from the earth), through the sexual organs, which then wants to take over. It literally wants to devour the divine feminine and explode into it. It's the sense of a massive release of frustration - tension caused by the resistance of the physical and therefore the welcome mastering of it.

The problem is that it's owning a purely authentic kundalini energy, which when fully expressed sexually, is immensely creative, and within orgasm, can literally propel you into higher dimensions. So to simply disown it, is to disown a most important aspect of yourself - of your soul and divine connection into the cosmos.

This is what I mean when speaking of the need to heal this 'wounded dragon'.

When it's distorted out in the world, it often makes the divine feminine retract, and go out of body, withdrawing from this density (it literally made a higher aspect of Gaia retract too, and the lower part to be suppressed into the core). The consciousness literally takes over in this density because the divine feminine has been oppressed in this way. And most challenging, is that as the soul retracts, it fragments, leaving sometimes horrendous karmic memories within the lower vehicles (that of rape, brutality and most common of all, traumatic birth experiences). It's why that karma of oppression keeps recreating itself. It's why so much healing work in this area is necessary.

    For me, to truly heal, is to penetrate all aspects of the bodymind with BOTH energies of the divine masculine AND feminine. The divine masculine provides the will and the impetus to do it. The soul then surrenders through the pain with the divine feminine, taking sovereignty once more of all those darkened inner nooks, where the raptor consciousness has hidden - yes it hides in the female body too. I've often literally felt it sending out energetic, sexual tentacles from women who were completely unconscious of it - because they were not completely in their own bodies.

So we have to confront those uncomfortable places where that energy might try to own you - either retracting in fear and denial, hiding behind a cloak of taboo, or else controlling, oppressing and exploiting. Sexual intimacy is a great healer of this energy. It's why tantra is so effective. You stay conscious in the midst of the alchemy, you stay present, you receive by giving, not by taking. You literally realign that energy inside yourself - your sexual organs encompassing an aligned heart and mind encourage the raptor energy to find a more aligned way. Simply making it wrong is to make it persist, because it thrives on such polarity.

It is for no small reason that the Eastern Goddess Quan Yin is often depicted riding a dragon. The healed dragon energy, is that of healed and aligned kundalini. When unleashed in sexual intimacy, it can literally fill the room and transport the surrounding reality, and the couple in it, to higher dimensions. True astral travel comes not from vacating the body, but deeply penetrating it with presence and awareness of the light.

I believe this is the healing many now need to undergo.


Open *give_rose*

Hey Open, this was one beautiful sharing, wow, thank you so much!

I'd like to refer to a side sentence of yours though now: you say this energy rises up from the earth... This is very important for us because most women have lost their contact with their sub-earth chakras (chakras, as in psycho-somatic-spiritual centres of the etheric bodies) and yes, as you say many are out of bodies... And all the feminine practices (menstruation, sex, birth) that would help us ground and connect with this power are also hushed and deleted from our society.

I see this... Lots of women literally do not have the physical, spiritual strength to give birth anymore, but sadly, more and more of them don't even have the health to get pregnant at all. Infertility in the U.S. grows exponantially year by year: every 10th woman in 1995, every 5th woman in 2005 and every third woman in 2010 had some sort of a fertility difficulty, do we see the growing number? It is shocking and very telling. I work with more and more women with endometriosis, miomas, fibroids, PCOS, and the like. Female illnesses are getting number one!

So yes, there is this lower center point, which like an anchor should be able to ground women into their strengths. But partly as a reaction to the raptor masculine partly as a reaction to the supressed, tabooed ideas about what a ("proper") woman should be like she lost contact with her inherent power. And also, she lost contact with her sense of empathy about Gaia. It seems like she's losing her grip to stay on Earth, to remain open as the chanellling vessel for souls to arrive here, and as a helper and container to keep life on earth... I see a potentiality where humans can simply be wiped off from the surface of the planet simply because of this lack of anchoring capability in women.

Just to mention one common issue: the fact we women for instance do not practice our menstruation the way we should (as a time to regularly connect with the downward flow of energies into the earth, and into the sub-earth centres during that time) has far reaching consequences... I say "practice", yes! It could be a sadhana, a spiritual, physical practice. A learning period, monthly. A healing period, monthly. A connecting period, monthly.

But sexuality too is one area where we can practice this. It is very difficult to find a partner mature enough for this. Not only men but women too. Yes, I know exactly what you mean, Open, when you see women sending out invisible seductive tenticles, unaware. I see this too. And everything we are not conscious of, everything we do not own, will own us. So exploring love and sexuality, is of absolute importance in this work.

It is very flesh and blood! There is no hiding here into out of body states. So it is a hard way but it is worth it.

One more thing:

We should understand that it is not only about us: not only about a personal enlightenment, a private self-realisation story. This is a very strong aspect of feminine spirituality: as it is very communal. So it is never only about one's own spiritual unfolding but always about a collective empathic interconnectedness.

womb to womb,

Thank you for initiating this thread Reka and I am grateful Aunty Angel for your courage to be vulnerable and begin the post about sexual healing. Open your post for healing this was very helpful. This is something I have felt in the background for a while and can feel the time for me to confront this within myself is approaching. I can feel both the distortions of the divine feminine and divine masculine in myself. I can hardly write about this and have never been able to speak openly or comfortably about sexuality. There has been discomfort with it my whole life. After reading the posts above I see how much I have been out of body, avoiding, hiding, disconnected. This is all bringing up a lot of pain and tears. I trust the way to work with it will just keep unfolding.

Thanks Reka, and don't worry, I'm not going anywhere. I'm here now. Thanks Open, you've said this to me before, a few times. In fact, that is why I am where I am; you pointed me to tantra for instance but, humbly, there is something more, something missing, somewhere I don't feel I've been clear or been heard. The devil being in the detail!.
Reka points to the enormity of what is happening to women's capacity to conceive and birth. What I am witness to is even before that - numbness from even sensation in the pelvis, in the yoni. Numbness to the point of not even inhabiting the pelvis. It's so not even about orgasms at the beginning or the end - it's far wider and longer and deeper. I been at Openhand events and talked with women having extraordinary multi dimensional experiences and visions and then later, outside the studio, sharing the ways in which they no way can inhabit or feel the lower part of their body - the most sacred centre of the divine feminine - the gateway to the place where the unseen world/dimensions touch the physical. Where literally magic happens.
I bow Open to your understanding of the karma behind much of this but I'm opening an invitation to more gateways, more language, more experience for women to begin to clear this. And yes, I know that the clearing will be in the exploration of distortions of both the masculine and the feminine but the gateway is in the experience of inhabiting a female body/mind. Of course for some men there will be memory of female existence but, while we are at this work, my posting of the discussion between Charles Eisenstein and Rex Branwyn was opening a question as to whether there was also the need for a forum for men to explore through the gateways only a male body/mind have access to. We will all meet in the everything/nothing eventually but in the meantime for those of us not quite there yet it is an invitation.
Now this, I get, is most likely work for those in women's bodies, with I think, others in women's bodies. It is so fragile it needs that cave, that tent, that protection. Before, when I saw the thread about moon time I saw the lack of light on this dimension of women's experience - we could share about moon time for two whole threads and evade sexuality! This is another different, courageous, terrifying step. A bigger taboo.
This may not be feel to be, or be for the space for such sharing and intimacy but I want to open at least the questions, the invitation and keep opening this out so that Kim's tears may continue to flow, knowing that others are with her.

Aunty Angel
For these folowing lines I'm sending you a happy sisterly hug: "(...) women having extraordinary multi dimensional experiences and visions and then later, outside the studio, sharing the ways in which they no way can inhabit or feel the lower part of their body - the most sacred centre of the divine feminine - the gateway to the place where the unseen world/dimensions touch the physical. Where literally magic happens."

Yes, let the blood (purification and "pure pain") and milk and honey (female ejaculations of love, creativity and gratitude) take their rightful place in the World. What a flood!

I know exactly what you say about numbness in the pelvis. Women dont even feel their womb(space). We do bodywork, hours of movements, stretching, massage, internal muscle work and then maybe, maybe... They come to some feeling... Even then, it seems like there's a certain brainwash about what exactly to "look for". They look for extraverted, yang style sensations of radiance, strength.

Yes the womb energy is different, magnetic. It has gates, there is an alternative description of spiritual chakras, in the female body specifically... Energetically. Portals through dimensions.

But we're at the beginning of a long journey of feminine self discovery... In class I really concentrate a lot on body work. Here I can only read, listen, write and share.

And actually I was also wondering about the specific male portals, gates... I even had internal energetic images about it, which would now be a bit too complicated to describe here. But with my internal vision I see different energetic bodies for men and women, very clearly so, with different emphases and energy currents. So any work, energy or soul needs to be adapted.

Wohooo! It's getting exciting. Already things are moving... And so many topics opening up. I'm expecting more, actually, at least from what I know with the work with women.. it really is a Pandora's Box. Soon we'll have to do break it all up into sub-topics?

Excuse my typos, and sloppy wording, this was all typed out from my mobile, during my walk with the dog. <3


Hi Aunt Angel,

Of course there may well be plenty that I - as a man - am not seeing of the female challenges. Although I'm not in a female body, I have been, and have the benefit of being able to recall many past life experiences. That said, yes, I totally embrace that as women, you'll be needing your own unique exploration.

Your post causes me to clarify though, that the Openhand energy is populated in equal measure by both the divine masculine and the divine feminine through the dimensions. It was never just about one man. And that energy is working to unveil this awareness in as many people as possible. But just to be clear, the energy is multifaceted and multidimensional - it is not limited within the confines of one body - that's only the surface level visible expression of it.

    In that work, especially in the last two or three years, many women have come through it and expressed the numbness in the womb area of which you speak. And so much of it is to do with the intervention. Homo Sapiens is a hybrid species, birthed in pretty ghastly circumstances, that probably has a big impact in the karmic imprint of all women - especially the sense of numbness in the womb area.

The Openhand higher dimensional team, helps me see and feel the karmic imprint in people irrespective of gender. And also helps me activate that awareness in other people - you'll notice that many of the Openhand Facilitators are women. We're working with it through the 9step process (and SEER on the facilitator program), and when this karmic source pain has come up, we've never failed to process it out.

That's why we're working so hard currently to build this awareness within the facilitator group. But one has to be careful, so as not to overstretch understandably skeptical minds. The development of this process will have to take its time.

So thanks for taking it that way. Gently though!
And do come and get more involved with the facilitator work - my sense tells me you're perfectly cut out for it.

Open :-)

I feel very excited by this stirring up of mud. Already, I see, how a number of taboo topics are coming out into the open - both in feminine topics but also about intervention. I was hoping this, but would have never dared to expect it so early in the life of this forum.

Welcome all, and congratulations to all shredding skins and sharing vulnerability.

In my work I too encounter the fear about alien intervention. Even if I only "mildly mention" the word, it shuts down whatever small opening has started in the work. So I have become increasingly cautious about it. Also, I believe we are given to explore and work in different areas. And I have learnt a number of techniques, also trained as an ayurvedic counsellor, simply because I realised that I really have to provide different ways for women to help them work their ways through with these issues.

There are some who only need information about how to live their feminine cycles more consciously, some will explore sexuality, some want to look at philosophy, mystic teachings, some will delve into karma, and only very few face intervention.

I learnt to respect where everyone is. I also respect the catalysing push from time to time. But mostly women need space, and safety, and wisdom, and they are coming out so slowly... Like from a shell... and then straight back again... All this combined with their lunar nature anyway... it is quite a specific method of working together.

There is a reason though why I asked Open to have a thread here (we consulted before because I knew this is going to be a wasp nest and will create a smaller scale landslide...) I trust this is for the benefit of all.

And the reason is that I really believe Openhand approach combined with feminine approach totally interact. I feel grounded in what I stand for and I welcome what Openhand offers because I profited so immensely from it.

So thank you all this is already a treasure house.

Thanks for that Reka. Yes, another aspect of the work is encouraging facilitators to choose their words very carefully when working with people. One can go a long way simply discussing blockages and density. It isn't necessary to get into all of the intervention detail - just the influences that people carry forwards. But increasingly, people do become aware of this kind of karmic imagery.

I greatly welcome your approach and depth of intuition. It feels like a beautiful exploration and way of working. Clearly you're helping many - that's fantastic, and utterly necessary.

Open *give_rose*

Wow. It really is full moon isn't it? I have been in full flood!
For now I am retreating to my cave lest I again loose touch with my body In this whirl of words.

Thank you so much Réka, this is such an inspiring thread. Jane, it's tremendous that you have brought up this topic, thank you! Open, too, you have already written a lot about this, but there are always new and deep insights.

I am now no longer young, and can now see how cut off I was from my body, my sexuality and the earth. I now realise that I used to be frigid and at the same time very seductive, and unaware of both. I thought that was the way to be (I mean seductive) and that it was the only way I could be seen and acknowledged by men.

The more I have changed my focus from looking outside of myself for love etc., the more I have learned to love myself, to see myself, to be comfortable in my own company, the more I can let go and surrender, also in sexual intimacy. And the less afraid I am of opening myself to love and to the danger of being hurt by loss of the loved one(s).

When I see young as well as older women today who undergo all sorts of torture to be better, more attractive, more in, at last accepted, they are probably as frozen as I was once, driven and desperate.

I am not sure whether to put this here but it feels relevant to what I posted earlier, working with the masculine and feminine distortions. Today right after I wrote on here I was on my way to meet Jen and was rear ended pretty hard by a blue Porsche. I was feeling very discombobulated as the lady that hit me got out and was talking very fast and just kept saying there was no damage to either car. Just a bird that got stuck and killed in her grate (which she referred to as a canary). It didn't look like there was any damage on the surface but I kept saying that it seemed impossible for there not to be as hard as she hit me. She proclaimed that it wasn't very hard and just wanted to leave. Having the car checked out it had internal damage that needs to be fixed that could not be seen from the outside. This reminds me of the dream I had last week of fighting raptors hiding in my trunk. Her energy felt like distorted masculine railroading over the feminine. I feel it is pointing to the internal damage that is hiding underneath for me. I am one of those who cannot feel my womb and don't really even feel comfortable using the word. I feel there is much darkness for me around this to come up, be felt, and processed. Thanks again for the space here.

I can relate to this topic.
The suppression of the feminine from this culture we live in has put me in some interesting scenarios.
I am a heterosexual male but I wear nail polish, dress quite feminine 'apparantly' and cover my face in bright eyeliner when conducting ceremonies, because I love it and it feels right.
I am not afraid to do this around others but their reaction is often one of shock, borderline aggressive and in the least confused.
I honour and worship the feminine aspect within me and am proud to be able to show it.
Heres to returning the balance between these two sacred aspects within us all.

Thanks for expressing that Zac - it's hard for me to imagine, that a true healer, is not expressing both the divine masculine and feminine in their work.


I sense that this thread has kicked off quite a degree of birthing karma - that's what I was feeling through the field last night. So if it's inspired some tough times, my heart goes out to you. Know that benevolence is always with you.

You can empower yourself through this - soften into the pain and the numbness (which is also pain). It will likely feel challenging. Go right into the heart of it, express it outwards, scream even when that feels right.

    And right in the heart of it, know this.... that you are NOT this experience. It does NOT have to define you. Open the doorway through the experience into the presence of the One. Just witness it. When you know you can completely accept it, breathe the softness of the divine feminine, feather light, through your entire bodily field and take ownership of it once more. With this breath, dissolve the density away.

Know that you are not alone. You are never alone. You're being held in a loving embrace. Your pain is recognised. And you are seen beyond it...

Big etheric hug


Hi Open,

I've certainly been processing some birthing karma these past few days. I appreciate your words of support and the song which brought tearful release.

With love and gratitude, Fiona

Thank you Aunty Angel... Letting your light shine and your truths vibrate has profoundly lifted a veil for me. I've had some intense moments recently where words have streamed through my consciousness, concepts meld and ancient truths bubble up. It's the concepts that don't fit into "the mold" that lead me up through the density. It's comforting to know others are beyond the conditioning..so much gratitude.

Thank you Reka... So much here.
I feel your passion. The divine feminine expressing through the birth process is beautiful.To balance it a tad, I feel to be on the other end of the spectrum helping others with the process of death and passing through. Traumatic for many, painful for many when leaving this physical form which resembles a birth in many ways as for some it's up through the cosmos so this plane is actually another portal to pass through with death the birth canal. In birth, the soul comes into form. I see the intricate yet simple process of a soul coming into physical form then the moment in time when leaving physical form creates tense moments of destabilizing instability as well. To be a presence, to witness, to facilitate in those moments brings much to say the least. What a blessing you are!!!

I've always viewed pregnancy and all the womanly stuff as a very happy time. Giving life is amazing and through the womb of woman... Wow!
Now I see birth and death as two experiences mirroring one another..transcendental

On some level, I wonder where the line is between authentic experience and absorbing some one else's truths. So that arises for me, if I don't feel any repressed notions is that a reflection to soften or for continual acceptance?

Open... the intervention, is a part of my knowing so I feel a curiosity for exposure to others experiences. I've been experiencing intense "downloads" with words streaming into my consciousness like Nibriu, Lemurian, vision of a crop circle that portrays an important message. I'm heading back to Kauai in the morning. Just feel pulled there, then pulled to explore one of Kauai’s most sacred sites – The Blue Room said by some to be the “womb of Mother Earth"which came to me last night as well as a Hindu Temple where the lingam crystal ( can be a phallus symbol) which is often represented alongside the yoni (Sanskrit word, literally "origin" or "source" or "womb"), a symbol of the goddess or of Shakti, female creative energy.The union of lingam and yoni represents the "indivisible two-in-oneness of male and female, the passive space and active time from which all life originates".
Ive not studied any of this...so I'm feeling much right now as it all seems to be pulsating below me as well as above me.Yet inside it all a stillness(even as I feel light headed and a tingling in my fingertips)

Much love... Kim I'm thinking of you.. Sending positive vibes your way

Last night (full moon? all the vibes in the ethers?) I had quite vivid dreams. Without too much details, my night was about the conflict between the two major private figures for the archetypes for the feminine and masculine in me: my mother and my father.

Long ago an astrologer told me that in my birth chart there is a rare and totally important opposition of the Sun and Moon. Now, I know nothing about astrology but even I know that the Moon represents the feminine and the Sun stands for the masculine. And yes of course: literally from the moment of my conception this theme defined my life.

And just exactly what theme am I involved in right now too? : )

And in re: how Open too tuned into the ethers last night feeling the birthing karma being (as he put it) "kicked off":

What is being birthed here (I mean not only here at OHweb but the world right now) is a totally new image of men and women through a total dissolution of old roles. I really feel all this is because we need to shred, collectively, the false images of what it is to be a man and woman. Reading the thread I feel that our (all of our) responses here are still defined by old paradigm ideas about genders. Of course, I know very well (major part of my work is exactly about the fact) that we are defined by our bodies, its strengths and vulnerabilities, but I also know that right now in the world we are asked to step beyond very deeply rooted ideas about how these strengths and vulnerabilities help or block us.

Helen speaks about her generation's implanted idea (a programming) about how a "real woman" should be suppressive (frigid) in order to be expressive (seductive)... Aunty Angel from another generation talks about how feminine ("real woman" again) is about getting in contact with a sexual power, and literally of goddess qualities. Many of you express this from the side of trauma, of pain and powerlessness.

In order to be able to let a new paradigm be born through us (collectively) * first we really need to shred the old role models totally, * then immerse and experience both polarities in their pure essence, * and then finally die into them (so to speak), allow them to flow through us and create a different brew of balance between the feminine and masculine in us.

I'm not asking any less than to regress back to the time of creation point ; ) -- I am joking but true, the more we are able to do that the more clearly we can see beyond these distorting veils that overcast the original Yin and Yang essence in us.

What is the Authentic (undistorted) Feminine, really? The Primordial Yin factor of Creation?

It is a deep and brave, often confrontational exploration. Often not so much with the ideas of the outside world but the preconception carried within. What do I think makes me a woman, men?

As many people as many answers. Zac above talks about how he experiments with expressing his feminine through his male body, in his own way. And I hear the same need to express the feminine in Aunty Angel's (and other's) deep urge to really go into the thick of specifically feminine topics. All the pain that Jen, Fiona, Kim and Trin talk about have such an essential part in it, too!
(I hope we will go into all of this. I can hardly wait to talk about "blood and milk and honey"... Pain and trauma, strength and nourishment, desire and creation.... And I hope men will NOT be frightened away from these "just because" they don't menstruate! Oh, just how this would be a better world if they started to : D -- it might not be a crazy idea in the future, just like "immaculate conception" {self-conceiving} is not off the rocker for me.)

Now obviously this is a very long journey -- and this thread is only 3 days old!!! Clearly, we are only scraping the surface of this all. Nevertheless, this is the general idea. To heal. To purify - not from "sin" but from misconceptions.

And I can tell you it does come with a sense of losing self. It's a dying and rebirthing process.

I've been working with feminine topics for long, so often women come to me with a certain expectation, even projection about what I should be like, look like, speak like. And then they are surprised. Because I do not fit these at all. I am trans-identity - more and more. In my quest for the Authentic Feminine I lost aspects of the feminine and regained others. This is the same for all of us, maybe it is only a question of the degree of freedom one allows herself to let go and embrace faces unknown before.

But I also know that what really makes me able to do this work is the never ending process of cleaning both the feminine and the masculine in me. In order to be able to express their strength, I have had to carry this heavy karmic thread in my life, pushing me to go into the extremes, experiencing them at times as very painful, irreconcilable opposites.

This is really so much, I'm not sure I'm being entirely coherent here but again, I am just going ahead, sentence by sentence, if you allow me. Because I really think there is a change coming.

In the new paradigm, as much as I see it, women will carry many of the qualities than men and men will carry many feminine qualities. I mean qualities, not simply roles. We can already see this in the world it is already taking place - it is still in a labouring phase, so there is lots of pain an suffering and confusion about it in us all. Just an example: right now in Hungary there is a rather a heated gender discussion going on in the public, involving political activism too. I'm not so interested in that but I am interested in helping to leave behind victimized states of minds - for both men and women. What happens in the birth room, to a woman is only a metaphor for what is going on out in the world - for both men and women.

So as a doula I learnt that what labouring needs the most: it is patience, love, containment, safety, encouragement, freedom of self-expression, and in the end a total letting go of "what was", of a previous identity (e.g. for a woman with a first baby, in the concrete birthing situation, it is mostly about the fear of letting go the personality of the maiden before stepping into the identity of the mother).

I think right now we are asked to leave our identities behind. But not through suppressing them - on the contrary: first through delving into the depth of each polarity with as much free experimentation as possible and proceed towards a dissolution, a death and rebirth in and into the continuous interplay of those yin and yang primordial powers in and through us all.

Sorry, had to use a German word to express my .... wordlessness. I've read this thread twice, just now I caught up with the last two days, then I started from the beginning again and now I'm going to bed! Tomorrow I might have another look and hope I won't have to catch up with too much. ; )

It is mind blowing, enormous, phantastic, gigantic, what's going on here.

Thank you, thank you, thank you!

With love,

(And I hope I'll be able to understand more with time!)

I was called in to do a consult on a German stallion with food sensitivities at a quarantine station two days ago. Quarantine stations are where imported stallions and mares are quarantined for 30 days for testing on CEM, a venereal disease. Mares and stallions are cultured, then the stallions are required to live cover 2 test mares.

When I got to the facility, I felt like I had walked into the equine version of barracks. After the consult the quarantine manager offered to show me around. As we came around a corner to another barracks-type barn I could feel a real darkness/sadness. It was coming from the test mare barn.

When I walked inside the mares were all at the back of their stalls. The sadness, the resignation was palpable. The manager explained that some of the test mares had had ovariectomies so that they couldn't conceive, and that others after the stallion had live covered them, and conception occurred, had the embryos pinched off. They mares were cycled with hormones to drive them into season. Immediately I saw in my mind the arm of a veterinarian entering the vulva with an instrument and working arm and instrument into the vagina and then to the uterus. I saw the twitch around the mare's nose, and force being applied to keep her from kicking in the stocks.

I stopped in front of a black mare's stall, her head hung down, in listless resignation. She moved her head to look at me and said, "they won't let us keep our babies."

The manager droned on about what a good life the mares had, 6 months in florida, then 6 months in Kentucky or North Carolina. I asked about turn out. Was told they each get 1 hour in a sand paddock every other day. Barracks in deed.

The last stall held a pinto pony mare. Like all the others she hugged the back wall of her stall. As the manager walked out into the bright sunlight, I stayed at the stall, and lowered my head and shoulders to "horse speak" that I was not a predator. Then she showed me a red bay stallion mounting her in the stocks. She didn't want him, she didn't want anything to do with him.

I walked out into the parking lot, and looked over at little pond and what do I see....a three foot alligator sunning himself on the opposite bank. It felt like a perverse synchronicity.

I drove down the road like a bat out of hell, but of course the mares were still with me. That horrible feeling of confinement, of being held prisoner, of heartless stainless steel instruments being thrust into the womb, the tear-less sadness from the mares' eyes.

I sob but no tears come. I sob big heavy, gut wrenching sounds, but no water. Yesterday a spider lady twirled down from the ceiling waving her delicate legs, the message of The Weaver, the message of create, create, create.

Show me.

And then I got a tug to go to the ocean. Take the dogs to the dog beach. When I got to the beach, I discovered that the area I was walking in was full of Portuguese Man o war. I like jelly fish a lot, I find them beautiful. But here were hundreds dead or dying. It was kind of like walking through a galaxy of white/blue planets, and then I saw them as embryonic sacs, their long tentacles like umbilical cords.

I waded into the cool ocean, the dogs bouncing around me, chasing each other, freedom beyond leashes and dog parks. FREEDOM. Unbridled, unrestrained, wild. Not cooped up in the squares of humanity.

In the wind and waves I finally felt the release.

humbly, tigger

Oh Tigger, this is beyond words!! Heart wrenching... Thank you for sharing!

This sticks out: "I sob but no tears come. I sob big heavy, gut wrenching sounds, but no water."

Today a pregnant woman came to see me for consultation. With her second child. Her first birth was violated... Though she reached full dilation in very good tempo, the doctors lost patience at that point, forced her to push instead of waiting for the bearing down reflex, then forced her to lie on her back, tied her feet up, and when the baby (frightened) did not engage properly, they pushed her out, pressing full force on her belly, using suction, resulting in tearing her pelvic floor up and all the way up both ways her side vaginal muscles, broke her coccyx, she couldn't sit for two months and had no sex with her husband for a year.

She's expecting in a month. It took me four hours (two hours yoga, bodywork and another two hours of listening, hugging) to get with her to the point when her pain got released into tears at last...

Otherwise for the past three years she's been like a bottomless pit of silent dry pain...

This is where we're starting from.

Thank you for your story and empathy for the animals, makes me feel I'm not alone in situations like this.

Wow Tigger and Reka, this is really evoking powerful emotions; I've been here and witnessed this kind of ignorant barbarity so many times before. I can ride them because sadly it's become common place.

As a catalyst, I ride a fine blade edge in such situations, between acceptance at one level, and most definitely not accepting at another - to the point of inner rage - like a tornado tearing through and from me, ripping it all up.

I'm out on Dartmoor at the moment, finishing the final chapters for "Breakthrough"; it's a windswept, pretty much untouched, wonderland of powerfully strong energy, held by ancient, underlying granite. I'd just been writing about similar abhorrent human ignorance, igniting a fire in my belly; usually as I drive across the moor it's slow and gentle, but this time was not so. It's like a tornado of energy swept me up and threw me along the road; many times the wheels were not touching the ground, as the car raced around bends and over dips.

    And I especially noticed the many wild ponies, such primal energy, stomping the ground, living free and untouched, filling my veins with the same sense of ancient power.

I feel change coming. Strongly. And such injustice - while acceptable at the absolute level of the One - is most definitely NOT acceptable at the relative level of a soul yearning for change.

Stories like this we need to keep sharing. They're healing, but they also inspire a deep and irrepressible urgency for the higher dimensional shift.

All love and empathy

Open *OK*

Thanks also for sharing that Tigger, and expressing it so well.
I spent alot of this life helping humans but now I've turned towards the animals.
You've really added fuel to that fire which burns within me.

I feel that a empathetic human was there may have aided those so abused creatures in the healing process.
Your a real warrior.
Thanks again.

I feel the tornado too, it's not only in Dartmoor : )

yes, me too, to me it feels like as if my brain antennae were totally overwhelmed channeling data, info, I'm grounding as much as I can but the collective is like an angry beehive... Wherever I look the issue pops up, I mean it really is universal, feminine, masculine, whether its animals or humans, these are categories beyond...

Even in my dreams, during the day I just pass out for shorter periods of unconscious "sleeps" partly because there is a lot right now to "digest" but also because its all just being downloaded images, pictures. Tiring is the experiencing of all those strong emotions that fill the "air".

Its comparable to how mobile microwave pollution in the air affects us, only in a topical, thematical, energetic way...

We've been swimming in this toxic "mindset", collectively for long...

There are days when i feel I'm drowning. So far the tornado seems to mostly be stirring mud.

It will clear. Sometimes. This life or another...

Reka, thank you for sharing the story of the pregnant woman you consulted with. It affected me very deeply. I had no idea of the barbarity that woman experienced exists in delivery rooms. I really related to your description: "for the past three years she's been like a bottomless pit of silent dry pain..."

Trinity, the mares were mirrors for me. Ever since the Etheric Moon circle began on Openhand and the subsequent threads and personal revelations/explorations lots of stuff has come up for me. Feelings I've buried, pain I've hidden all stemming from some pivotal life-altering events: having my womb taken from me at age 24, marrying an abuser, because I felt I was damaged goods and no "good" man would want me. I felt so trapped, like the mares. Then on a business trip to the Dominican Republic, I was raped at the hotel. I didn't tell the authorities, I didn't call the police. I didn't tell Anyone for a very long time.

Open, we had tornado warnings yesterday, a welcomed piece of synchronicity on the wind. I watched one storm come, grabbed the dogs, went to the dog park where there is at least some semblance of "open space". The dog park was empty. I stood in the grass and let the wind blow through me, huge gusts ripping palm fronds off the trees, and I just felt this deep, driving need to blow it all clean. And I got this image of you roaring across the moor, the wind inside like a hurricane.

Zac, it warms my heart to know that you are helping the four-leggeds and the winged-ones. I just got an image of an elephant as I was writing this. Do you have some connection to elephants? Maybe an elephant is trying to contact you?

Reka, I feel overwhelmed by the density, angry beehive, yes I feel that too, and this sense of being in goulash (only its not very tasty :-)

love, tigger

Tigger I felt all of your post about the horses. I am humbled. That place is so hard to stay with and not , as Trinity says, flip out into denial or numbness. . But I felt what a spark in the dark your presence was for them. I hope that in the mirror you also feel that presence in the dark. I bow my head and shoulders to you x