Wounded Dragon and Gaia

This video is also of importance to this thread - an exploration of Gaia's Karma...

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Hi Margaret, you said you felt angry with Gaia - in what way do you think you are angry? Could it be because you had to come here because of what's going on?



Just got back from my track walk, in the fields muddy up to my thighs, my white dog turned black, both of us soaked in the marshes, and we saw 14 deers and one rabbit.

I consider this a successful morning. : )

And I agree Amber, we are on the same /similar track, I did not mean first step as not part of the always beyond, or as smtg we need to leave behind. Our progress, especially in feminine topics, maybe all topics are never hierarchical, I just meant that what I see is that some/most women first encounter the Mother in the form of their personal mother and it is one first, yet ongoing work to heal that relationship (however good it is) and through that healing more and more layers (to be healed) come up to the surface like peels of an onion.

And as far as mothering, as in bringing, and anchoring life on earth at a time of this culture we live in is also one very important aspect, and smtg where distorted aspects of the patriarchal have made quite a bit of damage.

Oh. Sorry, I feel spaced out, it shows in my wording, sorry if I'm not precisely expressing, but spring air and space here has this effect on me, which now I accept blissfully - thankfully.

Love to you all!


Hi Reka, enjoy your rest :)

the last comment brought up this for me and i just really wanted to say:

Perhaps addressing the personal mother wound isn't the first step. Perhaps it simultaneously reaches through to other times and spaces... to "beyond"

In fact perhaps the human experience as it is, would be the most effective way of addressing and having impact on "beyond".

it would certainly give reason as to why we are here, in form...as opposed to operating only in "beyond" without form..

i guess there may be various angles that we can access and address the feminine / masculine dynamic in its various states of balance...

but to me it seems that the mother wound seems such a human place to explore it from..

always open to learn more tho :D


I am very grateful for these past comments in the last few days, thank you all for opening up towards your deep and honest self.

I am out of town on a personal retreat (in part to rest from work) so let me now just hold out my arms towards you all instead of answering to what you wrote (I could to you all! Jen <3, Jolucy <3, Margaret <3 ), and Open how I welcome an old energy in you coming to the surface in recent times, always friends but this warms my heart.

There's been quite a shift in the feminine collective and in general, in the field, during this special time around Equinox Full Moon Lunar Eclipse, and both in visible and invisible layers a dance took place. A restructuring, a smoothing, a healing. Your comments here all reflect, mirror that and I'm so very grateful that you expressed it, such a feedback to hard working little "elves" that we are in the Work.

Gosh, so much to reflect upon, Margaret your lava image (it WILL even out, just like the upper regions, also your back of the head, an ancient wound from female initiation practices, or Amber, yes it's a great article thank you for sharing, it's really good to take it beyond personal mothers, though of course it's one step that comes before all the rest). I could say more to you all but let me rest now (I allow myself to rest now in your company) and enjoy the slowly resurrecting energies around after such shift in the work in the past weeks, days.

Happy Easter to you all, with love ,



I float this thought as a response to some of the explorations here...

    Is not the healing that both women and men need to do, reflected in proximity to the other? Is it not that what we both need to recover, is found by dancing with the complement, not separate from?

Something distorts me - in which case I have two choices: step away from the distortion (in which case do I really heal it?); or, step into the distortion and work to realign within it.



Thanks for sharing the article Amber - very insightful *OK*

This stood out for me...

    The mother wound includes the pain of:

    - Comparison: not feeling good enough
    - Shame: consistent background sense that there is something wrong with you
    - Attenuation: Feeling you must remain small in order to be loved
    - Persistent sense of guilt for wanting more than you currently have

    The mother wound can manifest as:

    - Not being your full self because you don’t want to threaten others
    - Having a high tolerance for poor treatment from others
    - Emotional care-taking
    - Feeling competitive with other women
    - Self-sabotage
    - Being overly rigid and dominating
    - Conditions such as eating disorders, depression and addictions

    In our patriarchal, male-dominated culture women are conditioned to think of themselves as “less-than” and not deserving or worthy. This feeling of “less-than” has been internalized and passed down through countless generations of women.(full article Womb of Light)

I witness this dynamic so frequently in the Openhand work. There's lots of healing to be done yes. But what I also find so marvelous, is the empowerment by women that I do see. And it especially happens (a touch ironically) within healing.

Take a look at the Openhand Facilitator Network, the majority are women, and they're all empowering themselves to find their greatness and serve the collective in some way (just as I know you are too Amber).

I witness that you can be the matriarch of a family, or in a relationship, but stand in your own empowered ground too, with your own direction and purpose. I'm not saying it's easy, because I witness that energy being pulled in many different directions - but it is most definitely possible to centre one's energies within oneself too, even with the responsibility.

I say this as a patriarchal kind of energy - but one that's learned that neither does it serve the patriarch for the matriarch to be disempowered. Although as a (distorted) patriarch, it feels good to have others support what you do, and your mission, energetically that also over burdens you if you're also carrying other people's energies to some degree.

Let each find strength on their own feet, within their own endeavours, and then dance in mutual support.

Open *OK*


I think I run out of tears. I had so much anger towards Gaia for allowing the suffering of the earthlings from the beginning of times, for abandoning us. I felt rotten for blaming her, but really had to let it all out without any obstructions. Man, was I ever livid! When that was done and I calmed down I felt a large round gate at my root chakra opening wide and up slowly came hot red tangible energy and something like lava came out of my mouth and eyes. It wasn't unpleasant, just strange. My consciousness felt much sturdier and broader. Did my consciousness reconfigure itself so I could process this huge anger towards Gaia or/and my mother? I felt suffering of the earthlings again, even the tiny ones. Then, there were more images and feelings. It was exhausting and I had to lie down on the basement floor… I felt held. I thought maybe it was Gaia holding me and perhaps she is nice after all.

Many here on the Openhand site admit to a deep connection with Gaia. I do feel a connection too sometimes, but never directly, usually through a tree or an animal. She scares and angers me at times and I often don’t want to have much to do with her, which is a bit comical since I was born here and need plants to survive. Nevertheless, these are my feelings. I will continue exploring this connection by expressing more... perhaps at the tree in the garden tomorrow. I feel a bit of a trepidation when I think about the possibility of rejection by the "earthy folks" for being different, but this is the truth and I will not sugarcoat it.

I also processed the sword and a possible energy blockage in the Atlas bone. Sometimes these things feel like just a vivid imagination, so I’m not even sure what happened tonight.

Dear Zac, Jen and Amber. Thank you for your encouragement and links. I really like the wave analogy, Zac, it felt very vivid to me. You have such an uplifting energy and I'm happy we connected here. Jen, when you mentioned experiencing violence for just being it unlocked so much anger in me and a realization of the futility of a fight. That is new to me, so yay!

Good night.



Dear M. - Reading your post, I felt to reply right away but I don't really have any specific words...just letting you know I see you and honor the bravery in confronting how it feels to be here as part of this space and what it brings up for you. It sounds to me like your last paragraph aptly describes what is coming up for you...my word! all that has been experienced (for us all), all the violence and rejection - for being. Sometimes perhaps it was more grossly brutal, more overtly suppressive, but I feel this still now, it is still here - I experience it every time I step out and share an uncommon voice or way of being. The only way is through ...feeling it and breaking through it...you will come through the other side. Connecting through the ether M. Thank you for sharing. Much love, Jen


Hey Margaret.
I just want to say I love your comment. Not because what your experiencing, but because of your honesty and courage to say it. I find it inspirational!
I also love at the end how you 'I'm just guna sit with all these feelings.'
What a warrior you are!
As I'm sure you know and is often said, we are not our experiences rarther something else moving through them.
The density your penetrating is a mark of the strength of the wave which I see you as.
Know this.
Your not alone.
For behind the wave you are is a whole ocean.
You got this. I know it!
Respect to you.


I’m outside of this circle watching the interactions and feeling an unease growing in my chest. I feel repelled by this forum, but there is also a strong pull to explore this unease. This is not personal as I like all of you here individually, but the idea of a female circle on the Openhand site feels murky and unsafe. I wonder if there is something on a very primeval level that I’m rejecting about being a female as I feel this unease towards Gaia. All this is puzzling me … as I love sharing deep intimacy with a man, I’m very aware and connected to my body and let it express; All 3 births of my children were primal experiences followed by months of affection and nursing; I feel compassion and tenderness towards all life, sometimes I feel I am all life... And yet, there is something basic that I seem to be rejecting… or perhaps my belief of what is the feminine is distorted? :-(

This unease started with my mother (in this life at least) and spilled on to Gaia. As a child I saw my mother as a synonym for violence, domination, chaos, pain (physical and emotional) and rejection. I witnessed the masculine (my father) as submissive and always devoted to the one and only female in his life. He’s never held me or had me on his lap. If he showed me small signs of affection, my mother would “punish” him, and I felt he eventually began despise and reject me. All this intensified in my teens when I was physically becoming a woman. I have never been sexually molested nor had any negative or excessive experiences in the intimate relationships. So, what is it about the feminine that’s been scaring me all these years? Or perhaps it is about the masculine? I really can’t see… :-(

I realize some may be surprised with my honesty here, but I feel like expressing fully and I’m not embarrassed by any of this at all. Maybe I’m hoping that someone here can read this and, if they feel like it, provide a feedback that could help me see an aspect I’m not seeing now. I forgave my parents and mainly feel compassion towards them. I actually stopped calling them “mom” and “dad” when I was about seven. It was probably easier to cope with the rejection this way plus they never felt like my parents anyways. To me it is mainly about healing my relationship with Gaia, who I love and respect, but still with so much fear. I'm just beginning to see myself as an "earthling". I spent so many nights looking up at the sky, begging and crying to be taken away from here, taken home, away from Gaia. It feels so heavy to live here and I wanted to give up few times. I seem to expand in an interesting way since the last Glastonbury visit and I found my home inside of me. Now, I would really like to make peace with Gaia and process the anger and fear I have for her.

I’m about to post this now and feel a heavy unease creeping up. If I post here, this will put me in the women’s circle. Oh my GOD, I can already feel the fear of rejection, pain and violence coming at me. I can feel the punishment for stepping up, for being the feminine! The base of my skull is killing me, like there is a deep wound there... (I'm feeling the horror of that first sword hit that didn't manage to kill me!! Now, nausea is coming up). I'm going to sit with all the feelings that just rolled up.

It’s time to heal this. I’m posting in 3… 2… 1…




Hi Jolucy,

How wonderful and exciting, thank you for sharing. Such circles and safely held spaces (for men or women) can be so invaluable. I wish ye wonderous unfoldings and insights as ye journey together.

Love, Fiona


Not react! : ))) I wonder what that's supposed to tell us!


It's lovely to hear that the inspiration is bearing fruit, Jolucy! : ) what a wonderful way of finding other women for the circle, so intuitive and very yinny! React!
Love, Helen


Over the last few months I've taken time to notice the people who have entered my life. People by chance who I've struck up conversation with, have met on the bus, bumped into again and again, our paths crossing. And then delving into the idea of the sacred feminine, sacred circles.
Naturally I wanted to form my own circle and in it would be these wonderful women. This week we held our first ever circle. No of us had been to one before so there was a mix of nerves, anticipation and excitement.
We kept it loose and it went so well. It felt so special and unique to be with a group of women who were not making small talk, catching up, talking about work, steering a conversation or even getting to know each other. It seemed such a natural and loving situation to be in.
It feels like we are all about to go on a roadtrip with each other, that we are going to go deep, laugh hard, cry rivers of tears and become changed women.
I'm so grateful that this thread has given this opportunity to me <3


My dear friend Jason had terrible migraines starting at age 8. He would wake up with them and by 7:30 or so be vomiting. By 9 or so he would feel better and be outside playing. After a year of doctoring with little relief his parents took him to a chiropractor. After adjusting his back he asked was to see Jason's teeth. After looking he said you grind your teeth in your sleep that is the cause of the migraines. He recommended sleeping with an athletic mouth guard. Jason chewed through it on the first night!!! They bought a better one like boxers use and it pretty much ended the migraines. I think it was being caused by childhood stress. I believe meditation breathing before bed may have helped. My heart goes out to you and your son!!!! Eddie

In reply to by treebrother


Hello Eddie, I appreciate your suggestion and yes this is something we are exploring with of course the constant exploration with him of how to work with the intensity with which he responds to that which bothers him... He's very sensitive and can also feel and build a lot of tension....working with it all as best as I am able ... While working with what it causes within me/what within is helping to create it/what it is reflecting. This exploration for me is about the tension of distorted aspects of masculine and feminine and coming into aligned ways of expressing these energies in their fullness. Much love, Jen


Hello Everyone,

Lately there has been an exploration within me of what feels like the "cast aside mother and child"...it seems this may be the right place to share about that. Within my personal story, my youngest son has been feeling chronic migraines for the last 2 weeks...he has been in incredible pain and as his mother it has been like sitting on top of a never ending fire...in which the only answer is to surrender all need and expectation for answers, for an end to it, for more outside support, for others to understand - it has caused a new level of openness within me to let go of the attachments I have had to all the "my, my, my" related to space and time as it just requires me to be there and respond in the moment.

Through this I have also experienced a deep, raw rage as I confront the ways that the school and the doctors encourage us to just send him to school even though he is in pain - because "he can't keep just missing school and he must learn to "cope"and just keep going". I find very little suport of the fact that perhaps this child is struggling to fit into a system that doesn't serve him ...I have felt so isolated and yearned for the "other mothers" to be here...all the woman of my tribe...the network of strength and wisdom. I yearn so deeply for a time of tribal togetherness...though it seems it's something more for me to transcend and connect to the tribe through the ether. Through this I have felt just how separated the "father" is from the "mother and child". It has been an ongoing pattern within my personal life and surely is reflective of larger story.

I am finding this all also points to my and our as a society's need for the feeling to go away, for it to either be fixed, distracted from or somehow suppressed allowing the machine to just keep going, no matter how it feels. There has been truth in places I have not expected as initially there was a conflict between the ways of the mother and the father (personal - but also collective)...the father in this circumstance allowing the child space to feel his own pain without our constant presence...this has challenged me greatly...though I can also see how this has been my own need for external support and that if handled delicately, the child can attune more to his own inner strength when the mother/father is not constantly providing it from outside.

Qualities of patience and persistence are the keys that are opening doors within myself and those around me to new ways of perceiving ...working WITh the father ...honoring the truth and beauty within that expression. Also, expressing the rage that has arisen as I have felt the mother being suppressed, quieted - and reclaiming and trusting the mother within in balance with the father within....just realizing that the more you feel and follow what feels truly right inside the outside world feels like the most ridiculous set up - and it is not something to put any weight or trust in.

Thank you for the space to share <3


The video, Ode to Great Mother, is soft and soothing, strong and powerful, all at once: a harmonious blend of surrender and will and a beautiful testament to how we illuminate darkness through love and compassion. A most fitting celebration of International Women's Day.

x Cathy


I agree... I've been also thinking of sharing other links... In fact I've just read an article on a young Indian woman raped and then burnt yesterday, then other articles about gender inequality present in salaries, in Hungary it's still up to an average of 15 percent... I'm pondering about "equality", with a sinking feeling in the stomach, looking at pictures of Syrian refugee mothers losing their milk, and giving bottles to babies (and they are the more lucky ones)... I'm thinking of women not being allowed to breastfeed publicly, or even show photographs of it because most media considers it pornographic, while showing half naked young chicks on the front covers is okay...

It's not hard to dig up a list of what should be looked at on such a day... It's enough simply to open the eye, and notice...

So here's a more fierce woman's day sharing... A Manifesto by Sabine Lichtenfels (Tamera)


"We women want violence to disappear from the face of the earth. We want that peace enters into the relationships between peoples, to nature, and in love. All that is young should have a chance to grow and blossom freely. This is our political will.
We care about everything that lives. Everything with skin and fur, we care for and protect like a mother. (...)

Women’s peace-power is a power to act in the world which is deeply anchored in erotic joy, in connectedness with all beings, and in global compassion. (...)

We commit to following the path of our female strength, and of a new love for men. For too long we have tried to emulate men, and in this way we reduced ourselves to the level of pseudo-emancipated marionettes of male culture. A new women’s movement will begin when we understand this insanity and end it. (...)

We give thanks to all men who refuse to serve war and commit to working towards a just world.
We reach out to men: Let’s work together to develop social systems dedicated to solidarity, compassion, and trust."


On second thoughts, I feel like honouring the dark side of the great mother too, today. I feel that energy stronger and woman's day is after all to commemorate the fight of women for equal rights. It may also be the approaching new moon with its load of karma, plenty of energy building up there!


Thank you dearest Réka and your dear friend for this beautiful video to celebrate woman's day. The healing power of love, of beauty, of kindness, of laughter, compassion and joy. The great mother is everywhere. Let us celebrate!

With love,


Let us celebrate the girl, the mother, the WOMAN in us - with this video by my Turkish beekeeper, woman activist Sister: Filiz Telek
<3 Réka

"How can I see the Blessed Mother? How can I be near the Blessed Mother? And I would say this to you, from all of my years of devotion to Her, I would say that ANYWHERE you see COMPASSION. Anywhere you see a person damned to HELP someone who is HURTING. Anywhere you see utter JOY! Anywhere you see people SAVOURING life. Anyhwhere you see people who are MERCIFUL, PRAYERFUL, FUNNY, people who make us laugh: you see there the Holy Mother."


Ode to Great Mother from Sacred Resonance on Vimeo.


Yes I do know an elephant 'of sorts' Tigger.
And yes it was time for me to connect with him again and receive his help.
You've really catalysed some progress for me.
From the depths of my soul, I thank you.
With love zac aka Sparkles


Thank you Trinity, Auntyangel, Helen, and Jan for such loving support. It feels like being hugged by many feathers.

I wonder if I have been a pirate in a past life...I am so good at burying things :-)

Jan, the synchronicity of The Force is pretty amazing...I had been asked to choreograph a quadrille of 6 Grand Prix dressage riders for a charity benefit for breast cancer research. Three Grand Prix quadrille teams compete at this special event in March, along with a puissance jumping competition, thus tying the equestrian community together for one night. My choice of music for the quadrille: music from Star Wars and The Force Awakens. The other 2 quadrille teams are using Katy Perry music, Lady Gaga, some Donna Summer both themed around Women Power. I just couldn't deny the pull of the Jedi.

With the opening of buried wounds comes many gifts and the insights have been flowing in an amazing stream of awareness and clarity. Sometimes it is simply strands that tickle an awakening a-ha and then hours or days before the remnant folds into me. Lightness is returning, a good roll in the grass, and the deep breaths of forgiveness.

Thank you all for your wings and your paws,



All of the animals here send blessings your way to help strengthen you on your Journey, Tigger. The Force is strong with this one, they are saying... :)

Much love,
Jan xo


Tigger I felt all of your post about the horses. I am humbled. That place is so hard to stay with and not , as Trinity says, flip out into denial or numbness. . But I felt what a spark in the dark your presence was for them. I hope that in the mirror you also feel that presence in the dark. I bow my head and shoulders to you x


Reka, thank you for sharing the story of the pregnant woman you consulted with. It affected me very deeply. I had no idea of the barbarity that woman experienced exists in delivery rooms. I really related to your description: "for the past three years she's been like a bottomless pit of silent dry pain..."

Trinity, the mares were mirrors for me. Ever since the Etheric Moon circle began on Openhand and the subsequent threads and personal revelations/explorations lots of stuff has come up for me. Feelings I've buried, pain I've hidden all stemming from some pivotal life-altering events: having my womb taken from me at age 24, marrying an abuser, because I felt I was damaged goods and no "good" man would want me. I felt so trapped, like the mares. Then on a business trip to the Dominican Republic, I was raped at the hotel. I didn't tell the authorities, I didn't call the police. I didn't tell Anyone for a very long time.

Open, we had tornado warnings yesterday, a welcomed piece of synchronicity on the wind. I watched one storm come, grabbed the dogs, went to the dog park where there is at least some semblance of "open space". The dog park was empty. I stood in the grass and let the wind blow through me, huge gusts ripping palm fronds off the trees, and I just felt this deep, driving need to blow it all clean. And I got this image of you roaring across the moor, the wind inside like a hurricane.

Zac, it warms my heart to know that you are helping the four-leggeds and the winged-ones. I just got an image of an elephant as I was writing this. Do you have some connection to elephants? Maybe an elephant is trying to contact you?

Reka, I feel overwhelmed by the density, angry beehive, yes I feel that too, and this sense of being in goulash (only its not very tasty :-)

love, tigger


I feel the tornado too, it's not only in Dartmoor : )

yes, me too, to me it feels like as if my brain antennae were totally overwhelmed channeling data, info, I'm grounding as much as I can but the collective is like an angry beehive... Wherever I look the issue pops up, I mean it really is universal, feminine, masculine, whether its animals or humans, these are categories beyond...

Even in my dreams, during the day I just pass out for shorter periods of unconscious "sleeps" partly because there is a lot right now to "digest" but also because its all just being downloaded images, pictures. Tiring is the experiencing of all those strong emotions that fill the "air".

Its comparable to how mobile microwave pollution in the air affects us, only in a topical, thematical, energetic way...

We've been swimming in this toxic "mindset", collectively for long...

There are days when i feel I'm drowning. So far the tornado seems to mostly be stirring mud.

It will clear. Sometimes. This life or another...


Thanks also for sharing that Tigger, and expressing it so well.
I spent alot of this life helping humans but now I've turned towards the animals.
You've really added fuel to that fire which burns within me.

I feel that a empathetic human was there may have aided those so abused creatures in the healing process.
Your a real warrior.
Thanks again.


Wow Tigger and Reka, this is really evoking powerful emotions; I've been here and witnessed this kind of ignorant barbarity so many times before. I can ride them because sadly it's become common place.

As a catalyst, I ride a fine blade edge in such situations, between acceptance at one level, and most definitely not accepting at another - to the point of inner rage - like a tornado tearing through and from me, ripping it all up.

I'm out on Dartmoor at the moment, finishing the final chapters for "Breakthrough"; it's a windswept, pretty much untouched, wonderland of powerfully strong energy, held by ancient, underlying granite. I'd just been writing about similar abhorrent human ignorance, igniting a fire in my belly; usually as I drive across the moor it's slow and gentle, but this time was not so. It's like a tornado of energy swept me up and threw me along the road; many times the wheels were not touching the ground, as the car raced around bends and over dips.

    And I especially noticed the many wild ponies, such primal energy, stomping the ground, living free and untouched, filling my veins with the same sense of ancient power.

I feel change coming. Strongly. And such injustice - while acceptable at the absolute level of the One - is most definitely NOT acceptable at the relative level of a soul yearning for change.

Stories like this we need to keep sharing. They're healing, but they also inspire a deep and irrepressible urgency for the higher dimensional shift.

All love and empathy

Open *OK*


Oh Tigger, this is beyond words!! Heart wrenching... Thank you for sharing!

This sticks out: "I sob but no tears come. I sob big heavy, gut wrenching sounds, but no water."

Today a pregnant woman came to see me for consultation. With her second child. Her first birth was violated... Though she reached full dilation in very good tempo, the doctors lost patience at that point, forced her to push instead of waiting for the bearing down reflex, then forced her to lie on her back, tied her feet up, and when the baby (frightened) did not engage properly, they pushed her out, pressing full force on her belly, using suction, resulting in tearing her pelvic floor up and all the way up both ways her side vaginal muscles, broke her coccyx, she couldn't sit for two months and had no sex with her husband for a year.

She's expecting in a month. It took me four hours (two hours yoga, bodywork and another two hours of listening, hugging) to get with her to the point when her pain got released into tears at last...

Otherwise for the past three years she's been like a bottomless pit of silent dry pain...

This is where we're starting from.

Thank you for your story and empathy for the animals, makes me feel I'm not alone in situations like this.


I was called in to do a consult on a German stallion with food sensitivities at a quarantine station two days ago. Quarantine stations are where imported stallions and mares are quarantined for 30 days for testing on CEM, a venereal disease. Mares and stallions are cultured, then the stallions are required to live cover 2 test mares.

When I got to the facility, I felt like I had walked into the equine version of barracks. After the consult the quarantine manager offered to show me around. As we came around a corner to another barracks-type barn I could feel a real darkness/sadness. It was coming from the test mare barn.

When I walked inside the mares were all at the back of their stalls. The sadness, the resignation was palpable. The manager explained that some of the test mares had had ovariectomies so that they couldn't conceive, and that others after the stallion had live covered them, and conception occurred, had the embryos pinched off. They mares were cycled with hormones to drive them into season. Immediately I saw in my mind the arm of a veterinarian entering the vulva with an instrument and working arm and instrument into the vagina and then to the uterus. I saw the twitch around the mare's nose, and force being applied to keep her from kicking in the stocks.

I stopped in front of a black mare's stall, her head hung down, in listless resignation. She moved her head to look at me and said, "they won't let us keep our babies."

The manager droned on about what a good life the mares had, 6 months in florida, then 6 months in Kentucky or North Carolina. I asked about turn out. Was told they each get 1 hour in a sand paddock every other day. Barracks in deed.

The last stall held a pinto pony mare. Like all the others she hugged the back wall of her stall. As the manager walked out into the bright sunlight, I stayed at the stall, and lowered my head and shoulders to "horse speak" that I was not a predator. Then she showed me a red bay stallion mounting her in the stocks. She didn't want him, she didn't want anything to do with him.

I walked out into the parking lot, and looked over at little pond and what do I see....a three foot alligator sunning himself on the opposite bank. It felt like a perverse synchronicity.

I drove down the road like a bat out of hell, but of course the mares were still with me. That horrible feeling of confinement, of being held prisoner, of heartless stainless steel instruments being thrust into the womb, the tear-less sadness from the mares' eyes.

I sob but no tears come. I sob big heavy, gut wrenching sounds, but no water. Yesterday a spider lady twirled down from the ceiling waving her delicate legs, the message of The Weaver, the message of create, create, create.

Show me.

And then I got a tug to go to the ocean. Take the dogs to the dog beach. When I got to the beach, I discovered that the area I was walking in was full of Portuguese Man o war. I like jelly fish a lot, I find them beautiful. But here were hundreds dead or dying. It was kind of like walking through a galaxy of white/blue planets, and then I saw them as embryonic sacs, their long tentacles like umbilical cords.

I waded into the cool ocean, the dogs bouncing around me, chasing each other, freedom beyond leashes and dog parks. FREEDOM. Unbridled, unrestrained, wild. Not cooped up in the squares of humanity.

In the wind and waves I finally felt the release.

humbly, tigger


Sorry, had to use a German word to express my .... wordlessness. I've read this thread twice, just now I caught up with the last two days, then I started from the beginning again and now I'm going to bed! Tomorrow I might have another look and hope I won't have to catch up with too much. ; )

It is mind blowing, enormous, phantastic, gigantic, what's going on here.

Thank you, thank you, thank you!

With love,

(And I hope I'll be able to understand more with time!)


Last night (full moon? all the vibes in the ethers?) I had quite vivid dreams. Without too much details, my night was about the conflict between the two major private figures for the archetypes for the feminine and masculine in me: my mother and my father.

Long ago an astrologer told me that in my birth chart there is a rare and totally important opposition of the Sun and Moon. Now, I know nothing about astrology but even I know that the Moon represents the feminine and the Sun stands for the masculine. And yes of course: literally from the moment of my conception this theme defined my life.

And just exactly what theme am I involved in right now too? : )

And in re: how Open too tuned into the ethers last night feeling the birthing karma being (as he put it) "kicked off":

What is being birthed here (I mean not only here at OHweb but the world right now) is a totally new image of men and women through a total dissolution of old roles. I really feel all this is because we need to shred, collectively, the false images of what it is to be a man and woman. Reading the thread I feel that our (all of our) responses here are still defined by old paradigm ideas about genders. Of course, I know very well (major part of my work is exactly about the fact) that we are defined by our bodies, its strengths and vulnerabilities, but I also know that right now in the world we are asked to step beyond very deeply rooted ideas about how these strengths and vulnerabilities help or block us.

Helen speaks about her generation's implanted idea (a programming) about how a "real woman" should be suppressive (frigid) in order to be expressive (seductive)... Aunty Angel from another generation talks about how feminine ("real woman" again) is about getting in contact with a sexual power, and literally of goddess qualities. Many of you express this from the side of trauma, of pain and powerlessness.

In order to be able to let a new paradigm be born through us (collectively) * first we really need to shred the old role models totally, * then immerse and experience both polarities in their pure essence, * and then finally die into them (so to speak), allow them to flow through us and create a different brew of balance between the feminine and masculine in us.

I'm not asking any less than to regress back to the time of creation point ; ) -- I am joking but true, the more we are able to do that the more clearly we can see beyond these distorting veils that overcast the original Yin and Yang essence in us.

What is the Authentic (undistorted) Feminine, really? The Primordial Yin factor of Creation?

It is a deep and brave, often confrontational exploration. Often not so much with the ideas of the outside world but the preconception carried within. What do I think makes me a woman, men?

As many people as many answers. Zac above talks about how he experiments with expressing his feminine through his male body, in his own way. And I hear the same need to express the feminine in Aunty Angel's (and other's) deep urge to really go into the thick of specifically feminine topics. All the pain that Jen, Fiona, Kim and Trin talk about have such an essential part in it, too!
(I hope we will go into all of this. I can hardly wait to talk about "blood and milk and honey"... Pain and trauma, strength and nourishment, desire and creation.... And I hope men will NOT be frightened away from these "just because" they don't menstruate! Oh, just how this would be a better world if they started to : D -- it might not be a crazy idea in the future, just like "immaculate conception" {self-conceiving} is not off the rocker for me.)

Now obviously this is a very long journey -- and this thread is only 3 days old!!! Clearly, we are only scraping the surface of this all. Nevertheless, this is the general idea. To heal. To purify - not from "sin" but from misconceptions.

And I can tell you it does come with a sense of losing self. It's a dying and rebirthing process.

I've been working with feminine topics for long, so often women come to me with a certain expectation, even projection about what I should be like, look like, speak like. And then they are surprised. Because I do not fit these at all. I am trans-identity - more and more. In my quest for the Authentic Feminine I lost aspects of the feminine and regained others. This is the same for all of us, maybe it is only a question of the degree of freedom one allows herself to let go and embrace faces unknown before.

But I also know that what really makes me able to do this work is the never ending process of cleaning both the feminine and the masculine in me. In order to be able to express their strength, I have had to carry this heavy karmic thread in my life, pushing me to go into the extremes, experiencing them at times as very painful, irreconcilable opposites.

This is really so much, I'm not sure I'm being entirely coherent here but again, I am just going ahead, sentence by sentence, if you allow me. Because I really think there is a change coming.

In the new paradigm, as much as I see it, women will carry many of the qualities than men and men will carry many feminine qualities. I mean qualities, not simply roles. We can already see this in the world it is already taking place - it is still in a labouring phase, so there is lots of pain an suffering and confusion about it in us all. Just an example: right now in Hungary there is a rather a heated gender discussion going on in the public, involving political activism too. I'm not so interested in that but I am interested in helping to leave behind victimized states of minds - for both men and women. What happens in the birth room, to a woman is only a metaphor for what is going on out in the world - for both men and women.

So as a doula I learnt that what labouring needs the most: it is patience, love, containment, safety, encouragement, freedom of self-expression, and in the end a total letting go of "what was", of a previous identity (e.g. for a woman with a first baby, in the concrete birthing situation, it is mostly about the fear of letting go the personality of the maiden before stepping into the identity of the mother).

I think right now we are asked to leave our identities behind. But not through suppressing them - on the contrary: first through delving into the depth of each polarity with as much free experimentation as possible and proceed towards a dissolution, a death and rebirth in and into the continuous interplay of those yin and yang primordial powers in and through us all.


Thank you Aunty Angel... Letting your light shine and your truths vibrate has profoundly lifted a veil for me. I've had some intense moments recently where words have streamed through my consciousness, concepts meld and ancient truths bubble up. It's the concepts that don't fit into "the mold" that lead me up through the density. It's comforting to know others are beyond the conditioning..so much gratitude.

Thank you Reka... So much here.
I feel your passion. The divine feminine expressing through the birth process is beautiful.To balance it a tad, I feel to be on the other end of the spectrum helping others with the process of death and passing through. Traumatic for many, painful for many when leaving this physical form which resembles a birth in many ways as for some it's up through the cosmos so this plane is actually another portal to pass through with death the birth canal. In birth, the soul comes into form. I see the intricate yet simple process of a soul coming into physical form then the moment in time when leaving physical form creates tense moments of destabilizing instability as well. To be a presence, to witness, to facilitate in those moments brings much to say the least. What a blessing you are!!!

I've always viewed pregnancy and all the womanly stuff as a very happy time. Giving life is amazing and through the womb of woman... Wow!
Now I see birth and death as two experiences mirroring one another..transcendental

On some level, I wonder where the line is between authentic experience and absorbing some one else's truths. So that arises for me, if I don't feel any repressed notions is that a reflection to soften or for continual acceptance?

Open... the intervention, is a part of my knowing so I feel a curiosity for exposure to others experiences. I've been experiencing intense "downloads" with words streaming into my consciousness like Nibriu, Lemurian, vision of a crop circle that portrays an important message. I'm heading back to Kauai in the morning. Just feel pulled there, then pulled to explore one of Kauai’s most sacred sites – The Blue Room said by some to be the “womb of Mother Earth"which came to me last night as well as a Hindu Temple where the lingam crystal ( can be a phallus symbol) which is often represented alongside the yoni (Sanskrit word, literally "origin" or "source" or "womb"), a symbol of the goddess or of Shakti, female creative energy.The union of lingam and yoni represents the "indivisible two-in-oneness of male and female, the passive space and active time from which all life originates".
Ive not studied any of this...so I'm feeling much right now as it all seems to be pulsating below me as well as above me.Yet inside it all a stillness(even as I feel light headed and a tingling in my fingertips)

Much love... Kim I'm thinking of you.. Sending positive vibes your way


Hi Open,

I've certainly been processing some birthing karma these past few days. I appreciate your words of support and the song which brought tearful release.

With love and gratitude, Fiona


I sense that this thread has kicked off quite a degree of birthing karma - that's what I was feeling through the field last night. So if it's inspired some tough times, my heart goes out to you. Know that benevolence is always with you.

You can empower yourself through this - soften into the pain and the numbness (which is also pain). It will likely feel challenging. Go right into the heart of it, express it outwards, scream even when that feels right.

    And right in the heart of it, know this.... that you are NOT this experience. It does NOT have to define you. Open the doorway through the experience into the presence of the One. Just witness it. When you know you can completely accept it, breathe the softness of the divine feminine, feather light, through your entire bodily field and take ownership of it once more. With this breath, dissolve the density away.

Know that you are not alone. You are never alone. You're being held in a loving embrace. Your pain is recognised. And you are seen beyond it...

Big etheric hug



Thanks for expressing that Zac - it's hard for me to imagine, that a true healer, is not expressing both the divine masculine and feminine in their work.



I can relate to this topic.
The suppression of the feminine from this culture we live in has put me in some interesting scenarios.
I am a heterosexual male but I wear nail polish, dress quite feminine 'apparantly' and cover my face in bright eyeliner when conducting ceremonies, because I love it and it feels right.
I am not afraid to do this around others but their reaction is often one of shock, borderline aggressive and in the least confused.
I honour and worship the feminine aspect within me and am proud to be able to show it.
Heres to returning the balance between these two sacred aspects within us all.


I am not sure whether to put this here but it feels relevant to what I posted earlier, working with the masculine and feminine distortions. Today right after I wrote on here I was on my way to meet Jen and was rear ended pretty hard by a blue Porsche. I was feeling very discombobulated as the lady that hit me got out and was talking very fast and just kept saying there was no damage to either car. Just a bird that got stuck and killed in her grate (which she referred to as a canary). It didn't look like there was any damage on the surface but I kept saying that it seemed impossible for there not to be as hard as she hit me. She proclaimed that it wasn't very hard and just wanted to leave. Having the car checked out it had internal damage that needs to be fixed that could not be seen from the outside. This reminds me of the dream I had last week of fighting raptors hiding in my trunk. Her energy felt like distorted masculine railroading over the feminine. I feel it is pointing to the internal damage that is hiding underneath for me. I am one of those who cannot feel my womb and don't really even feel comfortable using the word. I feel there is much darkness for me around this to come up, be felt, and processed. Thanks again for the space here.


Thank you so much Réka, this is such an inspiring thread. Jane, it's tremendous that you have brought up this topic, thank you! Open, too, you have already written a lot about this, but there are always new and deep insights.

I am now no longer young, and can now see how cut off I was from my body, my sexuality and the earth. I now realise that I used to be frigid and at the same time very seductive, and unaware of both. I thought that was the way to be (I mean seductive) and that it was the only way I could be seen and acknowledged by men.

The more I have changed my focus from looking outside of myself for love etc., the more I have learned to love myself, to see myself, to be comfortable in my own company, the more I can let go and surrender, also in sexual intimacy. And the less afraid I am of opening myself to love and to the danger of being hurt by loss of the loved one(s).

When I see young as well as older women today who undergo all sorts of torture to be better, more attractive, more in, at last accepted, they are probably as frozen as I was once, driven and desperate.


Wow. It really is full moon isn't it? I have been in full flood!
For now I am retreating to my cave lest I again loose touch with my body In this whirl of words.


Thanks for that Reka. Yes, another aspect of the work is encouraging facilitators to choose their words very carefully when working with people. One can go a long way simply discussing blockages and density. It isn't necessary to get into all of the intervention detail - just the influences that people carry forwards. But increasingly, people do become aware of this kind of karmic imagery.

I greatly welcome your approach and depth of intuition. It feels like a beautiful exploration and way of working. Clearly you're helping many - that's fantastic, and utterly necessary.

Open *give_rose*


I feel very excited by this stirring up of mud. Already, I see, how a number of taboo topics are coming out into the open - both in feminine topics but also about intervention. I was hoping this, but would have never dared to expect it so early in the life of this forum.

Welcome all, and congratulations to all shredding skins and sharing vulnerability.

In my work I too encounter the fear about alien intervention. Even if I only "mildly mention" the word, it shuts down whatever small opening has started in the work. So I have become increasingly cautious about it. Also, I believe we are given to explore and work in different areas. And I have learnt a number of techniques, also trained as an ayurvedic counsellor, simply because I realised that I really have to provide different ways for women to help them work their ways through with these issues.

There are some who only need information about how to live their feminine cycles more consciously, some will explore sexuality, some want to look at philosophy, mystic teachings, some will delve into karma, and only very few face intervention.

I learnt to respect where everyone is. I also respect the catalysing push from time to time. But mostly women need space, and safety, and wisdom, and they are coming out so slowly... Like from a shell... and then straight back again... All this combined with their lunar nature anyway... it is quite a specific method of working together.

There is a reason though why I asked Open to have a thread here (we consulted before because I knew this is going to be a wasp nest and will create a smaller scale landslide...) I trust this is for the benefit of all.

And the reason is that I really believe Openhand approach combined with feminine approach totally interact. I feel grounded in what I stand for and I welcome what Openhand offers because I profited so immensely from it.

So thank you all this is already a treasure house.


Hi Aunt Angel,

Of course there may well be plenty that I - as a man - am not seeing of the female challenges. Although I'm not in a female body, I have been, and have the benefit of being able to recall many past life experiences. That said, yes, I totally embrace that as women, you'll be needing your own unique exploration.

Your post causes me to clarify though, that the Openhand energy is populated in equal measure by both the divine masculine and the divine feminine through the dimensions. It was never just about one man. And that energy is working to unveil this awareness in as many people as possible. But just to be clear, the energy is multifaceted and multidimensional - it is not limited within the confines of one body - that's only the surface level visible expression of it.

    In that work, especially in the last two or three years, many women have come through it and expressed the numbness in the womb area of which you speak. And so much of it is to do with the intervention. Homo Sapiens is a hybrid species, birthed in pretty ghastly circumstances, that probably has a big impact in the karmic imprint of all women - especially the sense of numbness in the womb area.

The Openhand higher dimensional team, helps me see and feel the karmic imprint in people irrespective of gender. And also helps me activate that awareness in other people - you'll notice that many of the Openhand Facilitators are women. We're working with it through the 9step process (and SEER on the facilitator program), and when this karmic source pain has come up, we've never failed to process it out.

That's why we're working so hard currently to build this awareness within the facilitator group. But one has to be careful, so as not to overstretch understandably skeptical minds. The development of this process will have to take its time.

So thanks for taking it that way. Gently though!
And do come and get more involved with the facilitator work - my sense tells me you're perfectly cut out for it.

Open :-)