Attachment, Romance, and Energy Exchange: How to Release Bonds with Possessive Partners we are no longer physically with

How do we release energetic bonds with others who we are no longer physically with? How does one exert sovereignty to overcome an energetically possessive partner? How do we limit the obtainment of the other's feelings, memories, and sensations which they transmit, so that they are forced to confront their reality, rather than us processing life for them?

We act with love and acceptance, as the stable beacon for others, while still capable of feeling the ominous energetic weight of an inconsistent other, as they slowly transform with much splendour, while continuing to hold us back. But what if it is too much, and we have to cut the tie, despite their energetic persistence to maintain it?

We can focus our thoughts and allow energy to pass through us, but energy is still being sent which affects us and our reality. We can migrate to others of higher vibration and return to our vibration, but eventually in the midst of the night, we can be recalibrated to theirs.

I have had prior loving, well-balanced, secure, relationships which encompass trust; whereas my three-and-half year former romantic partner impacts one's sovereignty, as any potential romantic partner is onset with deafening negative energy; while any interest which does not align with hers, including any thought that does not include a future with her, leads to suppression. So I think about boundaries, attachment, bonds, healing, letting go, vampirism, will power, and sovereignty, and how one is able to exert primary influence over their own reality.

Have others had similar experiences? How did or do you manage?


This topic has been vaguely touched upon in other Openhand forum threads: Combating psychic attack and Relationship connections.

As a personal background, I had a brief relationship with a woman with a history of deep trauma who is still unconsciously fighting to be in my body these three-and-half years later despite physically moving on and severing all physical communication. Her spirit still seeks me in bed, whereupon the merge, pulls energy from me (or other times she feels she needs it). I still feel the arise of her nervous system when she awakes or notices that I am not in my bed; I have obtained her memories, smells, tastes, nerves, and sexual actions; her reality effects my blood pressure and my sleep; while my intuition has been shifted to include her interests. But in all, it is a seismic burden for me, which after reading countless books, and speaking with people across all modalities, I still have been unable to address. All of this, of course in this case, started well /after/ we separated, once she physically moved on and I emotionally separated, as she pounded me with energy which I physically could not pass enough through and thereby was forced to let in.

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Hi Tom,

It's good to hear that the New York gathering is an option for you. This will give you an opportunity to dig deeper into what is really going on and unravel from there. Whatever you wish to bring out for exploration during the retreat will be addressed as there is always lots of individual work that Open does. 

There is still a fair bit of preoccupation with the other person that I notice in your post, which may be pulling some of her energy into your world. But there is much more depth to your situation than what's going on on the surface. You might want to consider working directly via Skype with one of the Openhand facilitators. If you feel like it, take a look and see if there is anyone that you find suitable. I am on that list, but all of us are capable of working with you and the key is to follow your core instinct in that regard.

As far as I remember, the link I sent you was to an article on strategies the opposing consciousness employs to create supernatural depleting bonds between couples. It's worthwhile reading.

With love,


Hi Margaret & Open,

Not much has changed.  I felt when she became pregnant, with the fetus attached to me feeling that I was the father.  I tried pulling their energy out, and relocate to her partner, which seems to have been successful, although I am now less energetically aware (I needed to check out).  I also successfully pulled out some of the other energies which attached to me, which were related to her, but her energy I have been unable too, just like the many healers in which I have visited.

Intuition used to direct me to her, and to moving where she is in California, but that has now shifted (I threw intuition under the bus during this experience for it was so at odd with physicality).  It was confusing for her unconscious emotions were far off from her physical actions.  I have not physically heard from her in over four years, but we are still quite empathetically linked.  Thereby there is no face-to-face healing possible, for she fled, and blocked all contact. 

In terms of working at the higher soul level, unless I am mistaken, that is where the conflict lays.  That her soul is in conflict with her physical ego; that her soul stills wants to be together (just not now).  I, or other healers, have been unable to shift any of this, and thus everything has been stuck.  Immense physical work has had no effect, although energy incoming (reiki) appears to help both her, and her partner, for their vibrations have greatly changed (at least it feels like).  Accepting her merging with me during the night, -- embracing it, -- also seems to help, rather than obtain her anxiety if I deny or dispute the bond.

As for inquiring, digging, or unravelling, I really do not believe that I know how to.  I am considering attending our New York City event in September, -- would any of this be covered there?  Chicago was a bit far when you were last in North America (as well as the Canada visit), while New York is drive-able.

Margaret also thank you for the link you PM'd me some time ago.  It was a bit much for me, but the thought was appreciated.  I have read considerably, and talked with many, but I still feel as though I am missing some significant piece.

All in all, this has been a bit much.  And I would love to know what I am doing (or not doing, or have done) for this to occur especially in this intensity.

It is just really sad.



Hi Skytom,

It's a complex situation indeed, clearly with lots of karmic history. As challenging as these are, the inquiry ultimately leads to soul infusion and greater sovereignty, whilst at the same time, enabling you to be sensitive and empathic to other people's challenges - it's where the boundaries get blurred that soul fragmentation happens. It's important to work to see this not as a negative thing however, rather the potential for the forging of the soul.

Clearly you have ancient connections to ex and her family. In which case, simply trying to pull away may well be counterproductive - because energy remains in the connections. The important thing would be to honour the pull of the mainstream of your soul - what is the 'right' thing to do now in terms of alignment?

In following the mainstream of the soul, you'll start to pull on 'karmic tethering' that binds into the connections. The trauma will come to the surface progressively and invite you to work through it. So it's important not to strategise - "I should do this or that". Rather to go with the flow and work with what comes up.

It sounds to me as if some face-to-face healing with your ex may be necessary, assuming she is open to it. That may well speed things along. If she's not open to it, you can still reclaim those lost fragments by working at the higher soul level. It's just deeper and more involved. Working with a facilitator in this case may well help things along.

Keep inquiring, keep digging, keep unravelling. Work to see it less as an inconvenience and more as the potential for evolutionary growth.

Best wishes

Open Heart


Thank you for the openness in your sharing. Last night, after tuning into what you were saying in your posts and writing mine I experienced a more tangible manifestation of that energy. It felt like a collective of individual human energies sharing a common thread. There was something "inhumane" about those individuals... like centuries of dehumanizing practices, maybe abuse rituals. My heart goes out to you, Tom. This is an interesting experience your soul chose to have in this lifetime.

As compelling and complex as it may sometimes appear, the story is just a story. Yours feels to me like a labyrinth filled with strange objects. Almost as if someone designed it for a soul to wonder around, get lost in its strangeness and disorienting qualities. If you focused, simplified and try catching an essence of the story, I wonder what would it be about for you? I'm guessing this energy wants you disoriented and spread in many directions. 

There is an Openhand event in Chicago in April, I think. A good opportunity for an intense exploration, if it feels right for you. 

With love,




Per Margaret's question, I feel great if I am away from this energy, for the sparse time that I can orientate to another, or call in enough energy to momentarily have her energy cleared from my orbit.  There is a lot which is chaotic and distorting with regard to the energy which surrounds her, incurring thought forms that I failed to previously have, or have when she is cleared.  The karma of murder, incest, rape, and blunder runs deep in her family line; which she herself and her sister were also victims.  Then there is perhaps the karma between our families: according to a few different people, who stories align in either locations or situations; her ancestors killed some of my ancestors, and one of her ancestors was romantically involved with one of my ancestors.

I have recently taken to resolving some of the entities that I sense which are around, -- which appears to be that of the spirits of which the family murdered.  And then pulling out that distorting thought form energy from self and from her (like how an energy worker pulls with physical hands), which thus far, in the past few days, has seemed to do the trick.  I do not know where I am sending that energy, or what karma I am incurring, for I am certainly do not seem to be transmuting those energies.

If I orientate to self or other, then body closes tighter (any gains through practices, bodywork, or other is lost), while if allow her energetically in, then body tension calms; if I state that I will move out to California, then my body opens, but that allows more of her traumas and emotions in of not just her, but I believe her and her entire family.  It also allows a distorting energy which I would otherwise call "love", which seems to align our intuition and psychic future.

Some have said the strength of this is related not to her, but to the possessing power which is accompanying her family, as much as she is fuel for that entity, so am I through this attachment.

That said, positive incoming energy from others helps to also repel my former girlfriend's incoming energies (if people like what I say in front of a conference, or on the television).  My body is much too stuck now, to generate enough in order to buffer, and any that I create, seems to be psychically transmitted to her and her family for healing (she does feel emotionally more stable, and less an energetic drain, with a higher energetic vibration).  Regardless, whatever positive loving energy I end up obtaining, I also lose.

As for Open's earlier comments with regard to soul fragments, -- I have met with several somatic therapists, trauma therapists, and other bodily treatment modalities; engaged in breathwork, various bodywork, and energy healings.  Whatever glue is here is quite deep, according to the awareness of everyone that I have interfaced with.  But I am doing the best that I can.

I suppose that I see attachment always as mutual.  For if one person or a concert of people is hanging on strong, then the other needs equal the strength in order to degrade and release the bond.  This enmeshment is new for me, and I could write at length at what occurred which perhaps lead to it; which mind you was over one year after the breakup of a three-month relationship (an intense amount of incoming energy which I could not off-load).

I presume what Open means by holding space, is by radiating light, allowing the energies and thought forms to pass through one.  I feel that I have done this as best that I can.  As for the letting go, I do not know what the hold up is from my side, for I feel that it is more incoming from hers, and I lack the strength to permanently sever.  (For the record, she also was the one to terminate the relationship, mostly out of fear of intimacy, and terminated all physical contact.)

I also feel souls entering my field, but no one else has ever stuck, or certainly ever energetically follows me in bed.  That said, no one else also carries the trauma load which she has carried, for I historically have always have avoided such individuals.  This was the one time in which I allowed some one in, that I knew that I should not have, for I was naively thinking as I grew older that all have issues and all are eager to personally confront to resolve.

I agree that every soul is seeking full sovereignty, but I suppose now I see it that energetic sovereignty is not guaranteed.  It feels like to me, that my former girlfriend is seeking me so strongly in order to help.  Despite our brief relationship, it was clear to me that it was the most intimate she had been with a person before, and among a highly-privileged but avoidant, shallow, and blame-ridden social structure of family and friends; perhaps the soul sees energetically latching on as a way out.

With regard to where I go unconscious, that is where perhaps I have a hang-up that I am only recently growing to understand.  Maybe it is less about me, and more regard the great range of thoughts and emotions which cycle within individuals throughout a day, as well as the wide separation between their conscious thoughts and actions, and their unconscious intentions and dreams.  Still a lot more to learn in regard to here, and I feel that I require greater experience in order to see.

All and all thank you both, and everyone for contributing to a more loving universe.



Hi, --

Open, Thank you for checking in.  I trust that perhaps you read this a couple weeks back, and perhaps tried something?

And thank you Margaret for also weighing in.

"All much improved.  I am trusting intuition again, keeping a positive spirit, and radiating warmth were I see fit.  I see that I love this woman and she loves me, and I am going to move out to California in trust that love will reappear in my life, for that is what intuition advises so."

Or battling that incoming energy, with immense tension to prefrontal cortex, third eye, and tension in the body, and what I want to logically say: "All relatively similar here."  And then I am entirely energetically blocked from writing any more.

If I am obedient to energy, it leads to her; if I oppose then immense tension in my body.  But I do not believe that it is my energy.  The energy around her and that family is very strong, -- to the point that I have seen it make seemingly strong people complacent puppets; or my friends reiterate statements in similar tone, word choice, and sentence structure to my former girlfriend with statements of fact that were outside of their direct knowledge; or impact nature enough during clearings to transform calm sunny days immediately into a localized front of stormy gusty and dark until the clearing is stopped, which then immediately sees the sky clear.

I will write more once energy lifts.



Hi Tom,

Thank you so much for sharing your journey so honestly. It stirred something within me. What I’m going to write is just my perspective and what I’m seeing through my unique personal lens. It might resonate with you or not. I just feel like putting it out there, perhaps to get more clarity on the subject myself, or perhaps there is someone else that needs to read it. All I know is that it has to come out unfiltered. Ok. Here we go:


When I’m reading your words, I’m feeling a hypnotic energy that weaves through your story. It feels like a haze that is a bit intoxicating and numbing. Kind of like OC interference or something in the realm of addiction. You have disconnected from this lady physically and severed the contact, but energetically you are still enmeshed, still pulled into her world. There is a sense of bondage and entrapment there. You are not finding the solution in books and conversations with others. I feel you carry lots of wisdom, but