Unwinding Inner Identities as an 'Engine' for Enlightenment

Submitted by Open on Mon, 06/10/2013 - 09:54

Due to disruptive nature of society, it's probably the case that with most, the lower self is separated from higher spiritual awareness at a pretty early age. Whether it be the programmed and conditioning behaviours of our parents, excito-toxins in our food or the electro-smog of modern day gadgetry, effectively the soul is fragmented into the bodymind and a barrier inserted to higher dimensional beingness. Our divine birth right is truncated. Most hardly notice the downgrading effect. That is until one day, we're reunited with multi-dimensionality, realise the profound blessing and embark on a path of realignment, reunification and at-one-ment with the divine. How might we catalyse this reharmonisation?...

Nothing can replace inner completeness

It would seem that society has become the perfect vehicle for down-grading human beingness. From the pollutants and plain poisons intoxicating our food, to heavy metal chemtrails that rain onto our earth or the electrosmog that pervades our airwaves, it would seem the perfect environment has been created to disconnect people from God, and addict them to subservient lifetsyles governed essentially by fear, the sense of lack or the desire for material abundance.

It's an odd paradox, because you don't even realise what's happened and how you've been limited, until you wake up one day and rediscover the divine blessing that's been denied you.

When this happens, there will come the point of realisation that nothing in the external world can replace the sense of fulfillment and completeness that you get from going within. Not that we shouldn't fully enjoy the external world of course, but most importantly, realise that it is the reflection of inner beingness playing itself out experientially. The world is meant as a mirror to the glorious nature of what we can be inside when we let go.

Inner filters that limit life's experience

When the full oppulence of this realisation finally lands, spiritual aspirants will often then embark on the path of inner purification: the cleansing of the mental, emotional and physical bodies so that lost fragments of soul gold may be reclaimed and reconnected with the core stream of beingness inside. Increasingly you sense you've tapped into the flow from the source and it feels heavenly. What is it that we actually need to cleanse and purify?

Inner identities are complex networks of conditioned behaviours that are distortions of true soulful impulses.

Remember the first time you fell in love: the heavenly joy of divine union, made manifest in the physical; the intoxicating sensuality, filling ones consciousness like the scent of a spring rose. But then the relationship breaks down, and in the desperate searching to understand why, all manner of negative emotions can be activated. Blame and judgment perhaps, denial or questions of self worth. If the energy is not processed and released, then a distorting veil is added to our subconscious, from which fixed neural pathways take shape in the brain. Next time the potential for a loving relationship develops, we project onto the possible partner a veil of our own fear, neediness and limitation. The relationship has a heavy burden to bear even before it begins to grow. How can we solve this problem?

Self realisation of the soul

Ideally what should be happening is the firing of a soul impulse, temporarily reflected through neural connections which then infuse the body with mirroring neural peptides. The self realised soul is able to be fully immersed in the experience and quickly release it as the experience has fulfilled its purpose, knowing its inherent completeness beyond attachment and identification.

But if fragments of soul - where self realisation fails - 'break off' and get lost in the eddy current of identification, then all manner of fixed neural pathways develop. It might take only a word, a picture or a thought to fire up the web of activity and you're suddenly consumed by negative neural peptides that infuse your bodily cells, sucking you deeper into the drama. It's how most people in society live their daily lives, constantly relying on soft drugs (like alcohol, processed sugar, caffeine and nicotine) either to suppress of temporarily boost. The key to the purification process though - assuming we really want to be fee - is to confront our internal retractions - our pain - as it is happening. In so doing, we can truly break the cycles once and for all.

The effects of pain and fear are illusionary, held in place only by our identification with them. Imagine jumping under a cold shower. If you're unused to it, you'll likely 'retract' inwardly, spontaneously contract the muscles, shorten the breath and jump out as quickly as possible! What this does, is simply to cement in your consciousness the idea that it is cold, unpleasant and something to be avoided. The roots of identification, limitation and therefore disempowerment of the soul have begun to take hold. But if instead, you decided to confront the limitation, you might stand under the water and soften into it. You might become intimately engaged with the inner feelings, relax into them and not judge them as 'good' or 'bad'. That way you can penetrate the coldness and find something else beyond the mind's limited judgment. You might find vivacity and aliveness for example. Now you are liberating yourself from the disempowerment; you are cleansing the negative energy you've built up and what's more important, breaking the fixed neural pathways of conditioned behaviours. You're actually breaking down the identities.

A direct confrontation of life's limitations

My shower example is a deeper metaphor for the multitude of internal emotions and consequent reactions to daily events. Without knowing it, most people are projecting these distorting lenses into every interaction and relationship with the outer world that they have. No wonder lives have become so dysfunctional. It doesn't have to be this way! Some simple and basic steps can help break the cycles. But we have to be committed to the process. Just dipping ones toes in the water will not suffice. It has to be a full-on confrontation - you have to be 'all-in'. Here's how...

  1. First recognise and accept the limitation of the inner identities, by watching the daily patterns that disempower you and lower your energy. So become the Observer of yourself and your emotions in all daily activities.
  2. If you witness yourself reacting to an event, contracting down with negative feelings, thoughts and emotions, stop. Go deeply into the feelings, working to understand what need for an outcome you think you have of the situation. The soul has no need of any particular result. Soften your attachment by remembering your completeness inside.
  3. If you really don't have the time, it's not safe or wise to deal with this density in the moment it arises, then contain the energy, make a mental note about it, but then come back to it later that day; invoke the energy once more by recalling the incident and immersing yourself back into it. See the visions and feel the feelings once more.
  4. As you allow yourself to feel the energy of the situation, we must work to become as one with this density; because 'the One' (in you) has the capacity to be awesomely okay with it. So the key is to find a way of fully expressing the pain of the contraction: whether it be a sense of worthlessness, sadness, guilt or anger for example. Find some music that most speaks to you of this energy; move and express to it. In this way, you're honouring your pain, becoming one with it - steadily you lose identification with it.
  5. Ask yourself does this identity - this concealed filter - serve your life? Assuming you feel no (!), then work to let go of the attachment that created it - the need for the situation to be a certain way; or resistance of how it truly is. Stop trying to control. Remember, what you're really looking for, is the completeness within. Sit quietly, meditate on the situation, feel the contractions, but then as you recognise you're ready to let go, get the sense that you're opening a door through the density - through the pain - into the completeness of pure presence. Sense yourself transcending through the density.
  6. Now that you've become 'the One', it's time to unravel and cleanse away the tightened density of the old identity. This can be done in meditation, through breathing, deep consciousness movement, dancing to music, exercise or walking in the countryside connecting through the five senses. In so doing, you release endorphins that block the cells take up of negative neuro peptides.
  7. Once the denser energy has been released, let breath open a wider internal space, then watch for the arising of an authentic soulful pull - the sense of expressive 'rightness'.
  8. Now begin to express this 'Right Action' as a natural affect of your authentic beingness, thus breaking the old patterning and establishing a more highly evolved consciousness.


It's a powerful approach we apply on our Courses. The inner identities we formed especially in our childhood and teenager years soften and break down. We don't lose the natural inherent qualities of the child and teenager, instead the distortions are peeled away, lower and higher selves are integrated as one and we - as the "Seer" - step out of the limiting dynamic. We're now free to be more authentic in daily life. Resultantly, our lives become increasingly harmonious and the inner world is seamlessly reflected into the outer. Life becomes more joyful - even our sadness becomes manageable without lingering into distortion.

So purifying and integrating inner identities is paramount to spiritual progression. And it's something we need to fully confront as the identities activate. Integral awareness then dissolves the separated self into the light of pure beingness. It's a powerful prescription for evolutionary success. It's covered in detail in the book 5GATEWAYS.

In loving support
(Publishers - please publish with links intact and the Openhand brief biog. Thankyou <3)

About Openhand Openhand is a unique approach to spiritual evolution: integrating enlightened wisdom of spiritual masters through the ages, it is a way of tapping into the Benevolent Guiding Consciousness of the Universe and aligning with it in your life. It helps you unveil your True Self, remove karmic blockages and unfold your Divine Destiny. It leads to authentic, resilient and truly successful living. Join us...Openhandweb, Openhand fb, Openhand TV

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I am completely at-one –ment with this article. I’m in divine union with everything at the moment- and not just the bliss ! Now I get it. Where was I thinking that unity in oneness was only about the bliss…. But we can’t get it until we experience it, we can’t know it as a theoretical concept- it ha s to be felt and fully experienced and it comes when it comes, as it comes when the soul is ready , open and fully surrendered when the filter has been removed.
It’s right where I am. Thank-you for this fine tuned insightful article and for all the ascension work you do- you are truly God ‘’sent’’ beyond a shadow of doubt. We are all so blessed to know you.

I can honestly say I am integrating, I know I am because I feel it, the release, I feel different more in unification with my higher God self , the one who is infinite (and I feel the infinity) uninhibited, expanded and in more of a state of equilibrium (no longer fighting my negative thoughts, but seeing through it rapidly and finding the light and feeling the light), and not gonna let anything or anyone try to knock me down this time, because I have work to do. There’s no stop in me this time. The chains are released and beginning to feel I can express more of my own divine individuality. I don’t seem bothered by peoples comments , filters or opinions. I just have no judgement anymore and feel when it’s their stuff or my truth. I even see the humour in it. I feel stronger. How liberating. I feel fully but am totally unattached. Infact ,I have to sometimes question is this real ? is this really happening ? Also my son seems different, he seems more normal, more emotionally tuned and whole, he sees right through things and people. He’s finding his strength.

It all feels very much about atonement and reconcilliation between God and self involving forgiveness of the ‘’original ‘sin’. It’s unbelievable how the original cause can get so distorted as it spirals downwards- Behind it a very real grusome satanic beast like creature . It’s real. Deep down we always new it was very real.

I am here but not of the world, I can accept the density from my travels in the fourth density,I’ve come back but feel beyond duality experiencing the expanded self through various situations (of very very low density), I would never have believed would happen and in it tasks waiting to be activated…..it’s like I am able to confront the moment without fear, without judgement and I feel my expanded self (I have to get use to this feeling)

It began happening when I felt thrust into the fourth dimension into such a low density,I saw the colective human consciousness for what it was, I was stuck in it, I was neither this nor that, just an oberserver, like eternal infinite consciousness, but I was dissolving into it, feeling it’s burden and pain). At first I thought I ‘d been cast out and dissolved back into source which kind of what happened, I was almost dysfunctional in this third realm. But thankfully , by divine grace I have come out of it, and more able to finally accept this very very dense third dimension .

At the same time some purifcation and cleansing was happening at a collective level and I felt I had an invitation in it but before I have had to look at myself. I see this as an ongoing continual process
So when we purify our physical body, emotions ,mental body and remember who we really are in our identity body (we are the christs), then we will have that light flowing through us in unificataion with the divine.

This purification and cleansing process I feel is so paramount……I don’t see any other way or solution.

There is a chapter in the Bible in Revelations 20;1

‘’Then I saw an angel coming down from heaven, holding in his hand the key to othe bottomless pit and a great chain. 2 And he seized the dragon, that ancient serpent, who is the devil and Satan, and bound him for a thousand ears, 3 and threw him into othe pit, and shut it and sealed it over him, so that he might not deceive the nations any longer, until the thousand years were ended. After that he must be released for a little while.’’

This speaks about the day of atonement. The day when humanity and the nations eyes will be fully opened to the truth and awakened and satan will be bound to a bottomless pit.

“”The veil has been lifted “” ……all is transparent. The deception has been lifted and God and self have become ‘’one’’.

I feel this happening and will happen at a full ‘’collective consciousness level’’ in ‘’the not too distant future’’.

I have been invited to work with the violet frequency what I discovered was the seventh ray (I don’t know much about the rays but sychronistically it is about the
“”Ï AM presence are One’’ – the unification process……

I felt to write a little about it as part of my own integration process and understanding , and maybe to scatter some violet rays through the ether, as it fits in with part of this ascension process.
The violet flame is about transmutation, an alchemical term meaning to create positive change, and involves unification of the divine masculine and divine feminine aspects. It connects the God self to pure beingness, like when Jesus says ‘’Ï and the father are one’’, transcending the egoic identity

“”Ï AM -Presence and One”” , in this sense the energy and light will flow from who we are in the spiritual realm- down into the lower third dense dimension.

It seems many people are called to the openhand, to go through this process of integration, to be able to do the work they are called to do, to heal self first before…… In your words

So purifying and integrating inner identities is paramount to spiritual progression. And it's something we need to fully confront as the identities activate. Integral awareness then dissolves the separated self into the light of pure beingness.

Here we find completeness and reintegration, that ‘’nothing in the external world can replace the sense of fulfillment and completeness that you get from going within’’

“”It's an odd paradox, because you don't even realise what's happened and how you've been limited,
until you wake up one day and rediscover the divine blessing that's been denied you.””

This is so true. Satan, the beast, the alien creature , – collective and individual implants are very real. Call it whatever you like. It’s there and will do everything to stop us from ascending.
It’s all about forgiveness, reconciliation and the power of love- truly a divine source from ‘’above’’, purging the soul.

Love is -the power we all have inside of us, when we fully unite with the divine if only at a collective level the world could make it their goal. It would be a very different place to live in..
I guess only we can make that happen in our time that we have. To open eyes.
And I still fell I have a long way to go, this feels like the beginning of the end for me.


I was re- reading this article and asked myself the question do I always put love as my highest truth/ethic.when I fall back into a lower consciousness state ?. Of course not as an emotive truth but as an objective truth. And what is the subjetive part of my feeling in it.I think the soul can honestly aim and is wanting it to be this way, but when we fall back into our separated lower self (and it seems it is possible to fall in and out of this unification state in different dimensions),that sometimes for example anger might cloud the highest love ethic for example when we experience or perceive injustice….. The first reaction is to feel emotively (when in the lower state) and then to unify it with the higher which seems to come a few hours later….. When we are in the unification state in expanded consciousness it all seems to be magically there, we know exactly what to do and how to do it. There is a sense of instant knowing without question .Putting love as the highest ethic ckmes very naturally. So, I figured it’s a skill when in the lower state, some people are very good at it and when confronted can handle things very well, so it’s seems to have something to do with how we process information at at what speed…….and with the ability to see through our own filters and distortions and find the truth ( which to me is the highest love ethic).
I still think it’s about how we say it, how we get our truth across, again in our separated self, it’s much more challenging because we hit the immediate emotive barrier i.e our distortions, our anger or pain, frustration. It is these , these places where I tend to fly off elsewhere, so I keep telling myself come back, come back, feel your feet on mother earth and meet your other self, unify and feel that uprising of authenticity and ’’ right action into place’’, stand in your core truth and value and don’t let the enemy knock you down because of their difficulty in accepting it.

So I am learning to hold the space without judgement, to let and feel the unravelling and to then speak my truth. My son is also learning how to speak his truth. Everything mirrors in his behaviour………it’s interesting how this works and how we are just one vast consciousness of energetic vibration

So, I am still working at unification in this realm, because what I realised is it’s happening in another realm and then might vanish for a few hours, but it is integrating because I can feel it happening. It is like I am continually on a roller coaster of experiences in different states and dimensions…but it does feel like it is all coming together
I just want to find my true state of authenticity. It's like part of feels like I am on step 20, the other switches back to step 3. Sometimes it meets.

This article is in perfect timing for me...recently the noise and inter-sibling conflicts of my children have stirred up intense anxiety within me...I notice resistance to the noise and conflict that I see on the outside...my breath feels tight and my head begins to hurt...I also notice that my children are insistent on my attention and approval in ways I do not observe them with others...it has caused me to notice my own need to be special or to have attention or approval from others...I am (as of today!) noticing this urge and relaxing around it...I realize their behavior is just a reflection of my own patterns. In the past I have alleviated these inner symptoms by imposing all manner of reward/consequence systems...but now I am letting go of these outward means...I am still providing structure and guidance but I am decidedly looking within and asking why do I feel this anxiety? What part of me is controlling and why and what am I afraid of here? Letting go of old control mechanisms leaves me feeling quite vulnerable and raw with the anxiety. I feel that my present condition reflects the way I experienced many of the family experieces I had as a child...and these physiological symptoms are deepset patterns from this early life or another. There's this thought that keeps crossing the mind "I am tired of being scared!" Who is saying that though?? Is it just the ego? I feel truly over feeling nervous and it's not just with the kids - I just am so painfully aware that I am constantly not feeling like enough- it's a constantly running program in my mind- I am so tired of it - but who is tired of it??!...I find that chanting helps so much...brings up those good feelings, regulates my breathing and brings me out of that old pattern and I am able to connect to that warm steady place within. I am now ready to ask how to be in this moment...I am open to guidance and I am tired of "my way"...I feel this enormous urge to shudder and shatter like an earthquake all the holding, fear, nervousness.

High Jenny - thanks for the powerful sharing (and Tess too!).

Yes kids are our greatest gurus!

You said...

    "There's this thought that keeps crossing the mind "I am tired of being scared!" Who is saying that though?? Is it just the ego? I feel truly over feeling nervous and it's not just with the kids - I just am so painfully aware that I am constantly not feeling like enough- it's a constantly running program in my mind- I am so tired of it - but who is tired of it??!"

It's not your ego - it's your soul coming through in this situation. There's a huge misconception in spiritual circles right now: that if there is a question in the mind, then it's the ego and we should 'get rid of it'. It leads to denial of the moment. The 'questioning' is a natural aspect of the soul. Here at Openhand it's what we call the "Ray 3" of the Seven Rays of Divine Impulse. To question "what is my authentic reality right now" is highly constructive, right and aligned - it's an integral part of your 'soul ray harmonic'.

It's when this 'questioning' becomes the 'questioner' that the problem starts. In other words, when ego owns the question and creates an eddy current of identity around it.

When the soul comes into this dynamic, sometimes we'll feel tired. Often when people deeply meditate, they go to sleep. Why? Because the soul has literally 'had enough' of the ego's shenanigans and what's more important, the ego is beginning to losen its grip.

So are you tired of being fearful? Good! Keep going!

Keep pushing, keep exploring, keep testing until finally the ego gives in, unravels and you can accept things as they are.

Be careful with your chanting though. It is of course a great way to clear energy and balance your field (as with many forms of meditation that generate endorphins). The thing is, you need to "penetrate the pain". If you distance yourself from it, then you can't fully process it. You have to go right into the heart of it until you tire of it completely. Then you can finally let go of it.

So distancing yourself from the pain simply delays the time when you can dissipate it completely.

I should add a proviso for all reading: to liberate yourself from the pain by penetrating it in this way is extremely catalytic and positive. You can clear the most challenging and horrendous karma in just a few hours. But if you find yourself continually stewing in the density, then you've possibly pushed too far, and need to balance by unleashing some joyful endorphins to lift your spirits - hence the chanting, walking in nature or appropriate meditation.

Keep going guys, you're doing great work!


Thank you Chris for your insightful comment. It's clear that some of the concepts/methods I have learned (or the filter through which I have learned them) over the last 5-6 years with regard to spiritual growth have created another layer of patterns of behavior that serve to keep me in the bubble...reading back over my comment and yours I can see that there is still an urge within me to find an escape route from the pain. It's a very helpful reminder for me to stay with the discomfort - to go into it even more deeply to fully process it rather than "cure it" by finding a better feeling with meditation/chanting etc - though it has it's place. Funny enough, I had a dream a few nights ago in which a one eyed man with red underwear was wanting me to come closer to him and I was just trying to get some food out of his house and leave...once I left, I thought I was out and had escaped from this creature but as I walked further away I ran into a translucent barrier...I was still in there with the one-eyed man - I may have gotten some nourishment from the food he had but i didn't stay long enough to really be free. It all seems to be in line. Thank you so much for the illumination!!

A couple of years ago I went through a process of a complete change in my everyday life, like what I eat, what I wear, etc. And I felt very connected to earth, uplifted, light...

And then something happened, and following the pull I was brought to dip back in the denseness and dirt of modern living, as I, in parallel, was dipping into my own inner dense world. I believed I was abandoned by God (funny).

Then I found I have become attached to the 'purity', the sensation of connection, lightness, and it was very painful for me to let it go, especially that I thought that I am just hopelessly falling out of the flow and being sucked in denseness.

Now I can see that there was no other possible way for me, and that I tortured myself in vain with trying to be pure and clear and to confine myself to what I thought was the way to purify myself and bring myself closer to God. It was another attachment, distortion, that I was hunting for something all the time, run away from this place, and couldn't help myself, even though I was aware of all this.

For me, I guess, the path was to do the opposite, to walk through a total opposite of what is pure, to go into everything that is wrong, injust, disgusting and filthy in my eyes.

It was like this until I reached the highest peak of frustration, but also of acceptance. I was ready to stay in this dirt forever. And then things began to move for me, but also, in a completely unexpected, not-by-the-book way.

Today I can say I have no idea how purification is to be done, but I know that it has everything to do with accepting the truth as it is, being aware, and then following the pull, even if it takes in a completely opposite direction from what looks right.

Looking like it's right and feeling right are different things. Feeling right can also bring me to do things I would never do. So for the question is not so about the purity of my actions, but rather the realness of my actions and experiences.

Sadly, I found that if I am attached to, let's say, not to hurt any living creature, I will surely be brought to hurt or kill one, to blow the identity formed around it.

So for me it is not that simple, and eventually is all about blowing any ideas, ideals, any beliefs, any kind of control, planning, moralities, even my nobleness... Everything is totally peeled off. I can cry, I can fight, I can try to resist or to make things the way I imagine, but eventually it just causes more suffering and wastes time.

The way I see it the first thing for me is to lose any idea of how this purification will go, and to focus all inner strength on refining the sense of rightness, but without being attached to getting it all right. There are always more things I get wrong than right, and then I learned from that. What's important is the inner loyalty, the readiness to do what's right...

The second one is to find more and more softness. It often felt to me like finally going down on my knees in front of the universe, letting my pride go and opening for WHATEVER I am experiencing, which can be the most horrible things I couldn't even imagine I have inside me. Softness.

And the last one - letting go the understanding. I got used to be clueless 99.9% of the time, and even learned to enjoy it in some funny way. I have no clue, really. I just know what I feel or see now, and that is what I need to feel and see to find something I am to find in this moment. All the rest is irrelevant. Truth in itself stopped bothering me, and I now find it funny that I desperately tried to understand and know things, because, well, I can never know! hahaha


And Chris was true when he said that things will get easier. I experience more pain and deal with more horrors. But it is nothing in comparison with the suffering of resistance, fighting and trying to understand things that can't be understood, and this attempts to manipulate, avoid... God, THIS is suffering! All the rest is not easy at all, but can be dealt with. So, the last tip for me was to let go the war with God, to just lay my weapons down. This moment when I felt like completely ready to stop fighting was probably one of the most important moments of my evolution. And I am still working on my hatred for this life and inacceptance of all this reality and my existence in it. A monster... But hey, even with all that, without fighting - it's a totaly different experience :)

I am happy and feel very lucky, even here, in this unperfect, not-so-pure place I am at. I am under God's wing. I can't ask for more...

I am reminded of the biblical verse that paraphrasing says, that which you thought was done in secret shall be shouted from the housetops! There shall be no secret thing that will not be revealed for all to be uplifted.

We are in those times of greater self illumination and actualization, for ourselves and other selves to identify their places of darkness and of LIGHT. We are evolving, changing, becoming the utmost for our own self in the midst of the Universal Self who is also evolving and becoming through us, It and us.

Thanks Jenny

Whenever Tom does something like tells me or Sarah to shut up, I feel this huge “how dare you, theres no respect for that other persons way of being at all. This wanton urge to surpress the other.”

So "a childs behavior is a reflection of our own patterns."

So his anger is my anger, his frustration is mirroring my frustration. I try to block this by saying he shouldn't do this, that his behaviour isn't kind. "I impose consequence/reward situations" around those areas I get tight.
This has to do with my upbringing and that I was always shut down when my behavior was seen to be undesirable by my parents/family/school. Conditioned patterns formed around these situations until what was left was an eddy current. These eddy currents still linger in many places and hold conditiond patterns.

So if I want to break down these currents, I shall soften into these moments. Where Toms behavior seems to shut me down or tighten me up, not responding from a fixed, “Hey! Don't do that” (all that does is pass on the conditioning to him) I'm breaking down these patterns and not surprising his expression.

I still feel the need to provide structure. It's hard because he has a large portion of life outside of our home, that being school, spending 4/5 days with his dad, or visiting the grandparents. During which time he has scarfed junk food and indulged addictions to TV or video games, or been through an education system that feels quite dense. When he comes back, it's like he's an addict on withdrawal.
I feel a huge resistance to this, "That's not a healthy way to be." But it doesn't feel like I can impose that on him, because that would just as much of a distortion.

I realise I can be myself, and fully explore my being and work through my distortions. This is the greatest service I can give to Tom.

Lot's more to work through. Deeper, soften, open.


Thanks for this article, Open. On reviewing the simple and basic steps you outline, I realize I've been missing a few key pieces in the process for releasing distortions and conditioned behaviours. With appreciation, Catherine

Am I supposed to do them all in order the same day, or is it more a working progress?? Ask because I read the article a week ago or something like that, and have used them but I find the last 3 steps very hard to accomplish. Should I just practice more? or is it possible am doing it wrong..?

It's work in progress Jannik - it becomes a constant exploration and unfolding.

It is not easy to touch - and then be in - presence. So you just have to keep working at it until it becomes second nature.

Open :-)

All these memories and subtle feelings are arising…some of it stimulated by the “Moon Circle” on another thread, some of it by some dance classes I have been going to and some by perceived criticisms or feeling of abandonment stimulated by those around me. There is a sense of a small female child and an older male child inside - two separate identities that are affecting the way that expression can or does flow through. I feel a shutting down of this smaller female child - there is a sense of blame and guilt that is wrapped up with her…and this is starting to be felt. I have dreamt of the boy many times…he is maybe 9 or 10 - in my dreams I am either seeking to unify with him or I see him out in the woods by the water and he is emaciated and uncared for. The boy feels like the distorted masculine energy that has protected me from feeling there is something wrong with me that has caused rejection and abandonment. The boy though is more blaming…feels more like a victim of circumstances and wants to control things and be hard so that nothing touches the deeper feeling of the little girl.

I can recall the earlier years of my childhood after my father left…I became hard and tough and unreachable…my father would call and I would be silent or say the meanest things possible…all to put off the energy of I am fine, you can’t hurt me, you don’t matter, I don’t need you, I am unaffected by you. There was a lot of rage…tearing out insulation from the inside of my bedroom walls, stuffing toilets full of all my clothes…but I don’t ever remember crying except once when I begged my parents to somehow put it back together.

About 8 years ago I read a book called “Come Back to Me” that touched this energy inside me and I cried rivers of pain as I felt into being this small child and what that was like. Yet, it’s coming up now differently, more subtly, I see it distorting expression…I see a vision of a way of being…get a taste of it but then I feel as if I am this little girl or little boy and it feels like that energy can’t flow in the way I sense it or see it is possible…it’s like putting a little girl in a pair of heels…she can play around in them but it’s not natural and it’s not appropriate…that’s how it feels to be in a woman’s body right now. When I feel blamed or at fault - there is a huge blocking energy in my throat - feels like there is wool stuffed inside my throat and all the energy in my body seems to go to my head and my body feel empty and disintegrated. There is such intensity that it seems I am popping out of the lower body entirely. Lots more to go and I trust life will keep giving me opportunities to feel into it more..to become as One with the feeling - the guilt and blame, the shame and rejection…but just felt good to share and to express what is going on with this. If you feel to mirror anything to me - i am open to that. Thank you for the space to share. With love, Jen

beautiful exploration of childhood identities, thank you Jen, and it made me think of a book so very important to me fromm about 20 years ago by a most amazing Canadian Jungian analyst Marion Woodman (oh, how i love the woman!!), entitled Leaving My Father's House...
somehow (nothing concrete) just an intuitive thought that I should mention it to you <3

Thank you Reka! It's perfect that you mention that as I had put some of her audio work in my Amazon cart... Not quite sure if I was going to get them or not! I looked up this book and know I have pulled this one up before. I have long been drawn to the exploration of symbols, dream, myth, fairy tales and how they speak to us and illuminate the unconscious aspects of ourselves. thank you for dropping this in =)! With love, Jen