Tingling sensations down my back

For months I have had upper back pain but it is on and off. It seems to sync with stress. Recently I have had hot tingly sensations moving up and down where the pain would normally be. I usually get these sensations when I bring my awareness into reality from a place of just being. I still get the pain on and off too. I have tried using the mediations from the breakthrough course for it but no luck. I have asked 'show me'and asked benevolent guidance for help but nothing. I'm processing other stuff just fine but this leaves me feeling confused. I would love to stop the pain and the sensations. I thought I had fixed it when I processed past life karma but nope, still there. Has anyone got any insight or guidance - any help would be awesome thank you:)

Comments

Hi Etta, it's clearly karma activating. A great deal of what becomes diagnosed as 'physical pain or trauma' is actually the fourth density energy body projecting onto the physical experience. The tingling sensation actually suggests that soul is beginning to infuse in.

Let me ask you, how are you with patience?

The Breakthrough Approach is extremely effective. I think when people see me using it in the workshops and we're sweeping through karma in a matter of minutes, the thought might be that all karma is like this and that it's always this easy. It's not! Sometimes it can take weeks or months. We just have to have patience and keep working with it.

There are several things to take note of in processing karma...

  • Accept it: You have to really be able to accept it, to the degree you can live with it and not need it to go away. This requires enormous amounts of surrender.
  • Explore it deeply: Whilst 'living with it' though, doesn't at all mean to ignore it. There must be a pretty frequent feeling into it and exploring it.
  • "Show me! When we say to the universe "show me!", again, its a constant message and then inquiring and watching. One huge tip to take note of - if there's no immediate answer, if there's apparent silence, it usually means you have to go deeper into it.
  • Watch for 'spiking': Be patient with the "show me!" Watch what takes place in your daily life that 'spikes' in the field: the words that someone uses which seem to stand out with a deeper meaning; the next movie you're drawn to or writing or blog post; the next lyrics of a song that stand out. Your subconscious will be speaking to you through circumstances like these.
  • Self-realisation: Look for the self-realisation aspect. What is this inviting of you. My sense is there's something around being disabled (in a past life) - having a broken back and feeling disempowered. So take the word "disabled", lie down on the floor and feed it into your energy field - what happens?

My sense is you've only touched the surface and have got to activate deeper in. Then it will clear, soul will integrate through it and you'll evolve another solid step.

Namaste

Open

Hi Open,

Wow thank you so much. I've just done what you said lying down with the word 'disabled' and this is what happened (I think I'm starting to see energy):

Flashing colours.
Pain in abdomen left side from ribs down to hip.
Breathing deep.
Colours start to calm and flow instead of flashing.
Aching in knees and lower legs.
Soften into pain, allow it.
Kept coming back to pain in abdomen
Breathed into it
Saw faint image of large needle going into flesh.
Tried not judge just observe the colours and lie there with open mind.
When I came back and tried to sit up I got the churning in my guts/womb that I've been having the last week. Felt like I wanted to push a baby out or something that shouldn't be there. 

Now as I'm writing this the tingling is really strong in my upper back but this time I don't feel to fight it - just letting it be.

Thank you so much.  I'm going to keep working with this because I feel a shift already. 

Namaste
Etta
xXx

P.s the word 'patience' in your reply caused a spike in me. I have always struggled to have patience. I feel in my heart that this past life karma will help with this - how wonderful  :)

It doesn't surprise me. Well done for getting into it. It takes courage.

Are you ready to go deeper? When you are, just ask. Because there's quite a bit more to the experience.

Blessings

Open *OK*

I went deeper just now and this is what happened (my back is really hurting now)

Bright white light - sterile - operation room/clinic?

Image - Cord with dot on the end. Dot removed and replaced with something

Poking and prodding

A few beings there watching my belly

The energy of my love of Maddy there- maternal but painfully pulling on my heart strings. How it would feel if someone took her away or hurt her.

Image - eyes being forced open with metal claws

Strapped down

Can't move

Black out

I came round to this reality disorientated. No idea how long I'd been off as I rarely look at the time. I feel a bit weird but I do trust what I've seen. Thank you for giving me the insight to go deeper.

For future with me dealing with karma. How do you know when you've gone deep enough with one issue? For instance... could there be an even deeper layer to this one...Or would it have to be that the original stimulus (like back pain) is gone?

Etta
Xx

You'll know when you've gone deep enough, because the pain will shift and there'll be an infusion of light in some way.

For the next part, my sense is to involve an Openhand Facilitator. It's deep, and it might be wise to have someone hold the space while you explore into it. However if you truly feel you can deal with it, we could continue a bit more here. It's your call. If it gets difficult - I could then connect you up.

Open

In reply to by Etta

Hi Etta,

I felt to respond to what you're sharing here since I can relate to the images and feelings you're describing. My sense is that I did give birth and my child was taken away, abducted by beings with a nefarious purpose. I have always been a very anxious, over-protective mother in this lifetime. I feel it goes way back to this traumatic scenario where I couldn't save my baby. I am working with an Openhand coach and hope to open and trust enough to go deeper into my pain and feelings around this. Wishing you well with your deeper explorations. My heart goes out to you.

Open, you mention the way you can discern if one has shifted is by finding the light through the pain. Recently, it felt important that I could feel and see others passing through the doorway from darkness into the light with me. We stood hugging together immersed in the light. Out of respect for the sovereignty of others, it's important for me to respect the free-will of others. I felt some anxiety as to whether I'm trying to foist this on others or whether it's simply a way of seeing thru to the true essence of others. The light in me sees the light in them. Any insights you can provide would be appreciated. Thank you.

x C.

You’ve touched into something really important, Etta. Connecting the physical sensations with the emotional karmic blockages is a powerful consciousness. Our story, even beyond this lifetime, is reflected in our body, our vehicle of expression. There is profound potential in the embodied presence. It anchors us in the moment and enables the grounded experience. The body is a walking antennae and can be of so much help on the spiritual path!

You expressed trust in what you are feeling and the courage to face the pain, this is really the key. When held with consciousness the pain will eventually subside and the truth about the experience will arise.

You are asking “How will I know I went deep enough with an issue?”. The destination is not a precise point in space, yet you know when you’ve arrived. And when this happens, all may seem exactly as it should be and there will be no need to fix the issue anymore. From that place, you will see your story more clearly and love the world more deeply.

With love.

M.

Dear Cathy,

You said:
"Out of respect for the sovereignty of others, it's important for me to respect the free-will of others."

I have realized that too in respect to how I treat my children. It ties in with what Etta and Open were discussing (indirectly) earlier, the value of painful experience. As mothers we are wired to protect our children and it is so easy to become lost in this role. We may end up protecting them from the very experience that they created for themselves to learn (happened to me). Going even further, perhaps even the beings with a nefarious purpose play an important role in our evolution, by bringing to reality what we need to experience. It is up to us, what we do with the experience though.

Hugs from Calgary

M.

In reply to by Margaret

Hi M.

Thank you for stepping up and responding. You hit the nail on the head about respecting the sovereignty of our children no matter what horrors befall them. Yes, it is their own karmic journey, and they have a right to process it and transcend beyond in their own timing. I get this intellectually, but emotionally I want to go into battle to protect them like a mother bear protecting her cubs. I can't think of any greater trauma than a mother being torn asunder from her child. It feels like past traumas run so deep that the pain might melt me away like pure white snow in the hot sun. Then I will trickle away and disappear, once again, while my children reach out their arms and cry out in the dark night.

I long for the higher world "when the mother and child reunion is only a motion away."

x C.

Dear C.

I’m reading your words and feeling your anguish and longing for the world you came from, where anything is only a motion away, where love and nurturing are alive within all beings. I know that world too and I miss it sometimes, just like you.

Something tells me that perhaps it is time you went to that battle! I sense your feelings are so close to the surface, waiting to be honoured and expressed. Where would it take you, I wonder? How might you want to express this sense of loss and injustice? Yes, the hot pain might melt something away, but perhaps it wouldn’t be you being melted. Let it melt. You are not this experience. You are so much more.

Here and now in this 3D world the expression is only a motion away. How would you like to do that, dear C.?

With love, from my heart to yours.

M.

Hi M.

Yes, it's about the ego, attachment, and identity melting away. I am fearful about this process due to heavy conditioning about being super responsible for just about everything since ancient times long, long ago, and far, far away. I'm shifting this with the help of an Openhand facilitator. Together we came up with the strategy of high five-ing myself with a loud clap of my hands to snap me back to presence when I get lost and to help create new neural pathways.

I was profoundly moved in Open's book when he described what was behind Chris Bourne's car accident: letting go of all his attachments, including to his lovely children, and to life itself as he prepared to die. His experience totally blew me away. But it also provoked a lot of fear about being so vulnerable to such total and complete surrender.

Right now soulmotion to catalytic music is helping me express my pain. The vibes and lyrics to Coldplay's song "Fix You" strike the right chords deep within. I'm not looking to anyone to fix me as the lyrics go or to fix myself. But the song helps me to surrender, accept and feel into my pain, and shake its grip loose around my heart. Sometimes I curl up in a fetal position and rock back and forth to the rhythm of the music, tears streaming down.

"When you try your best, but you don't succeed
When you get what you want, but not what you need
When you feel so tired, but you can't sleep
Stuck in reverse
And the tears come streaming down your face
When you lose something you can't replace
When you love someone, but it goes to waste
Could it be worse?
Lights will guide you home
And ignite your bones..."
~Coldplay "Fix You"

Afterwards, to get the joy vibes going, I move wildly and madly to upbeat music to help re-wire my DNA.

Thanks for being in my corner, soul sister, and for challenging me to break apart so light can flow through the cracks.

With appreciation for your support,

x C.

In reply to by soulseer

"Lights will guide you home and ignite your bones" - that was my dream last night... my bones ignited with a golden light and then that light spread out through the body! It felt good and I remember being surprised :-)

I relate to lots of what you are sharing and how you are sharing it, Cathy. That is why you will find me in your corner most of the time, whether via our communication or more subtly, through the so called ether.

Letting go of the children for me was more about letting go of the attachment to the "mother" concept. Really really difficult process for me, but it happened spontaneously one day during a meditation. I see them more like souls now and my love for them is less neurotic and less limited, I feel. There is still more to let go, of course, but that is precisely why I am here. So, as they say: "onward!".

All this letting go is such a mysterious process... sometimes it just happens, just like that. It doesn't have to be difficult. I never know, until the soul takes me there into the heat of the moment. I love this mystery called life!

With love.

M.

Wow, yes, it's a big one. The 'mother' and 'father' principles within humanity. Let me ask this question...

    "How can you be The One, or empower your children to be so aswell, if people are subconsciously chained to the fixed relationship of father/mother, son/daughter and all the conditioning that such labels represent?"

Every soul is unique. Every soul can become completely integral and a flowing experience of The One. I witness so much limitation on the spiritual pathway because of these labels and the subconscious conditioning of them. It's like people bind themselves and therefore limit and disempower.

    It means you can't be authentic, you can't be real. Your actions are bound and submerged in perceived obligation or responsibility. I witness so many parents emotionally carrying the burden of their children's path, when it is only they who can walk it. And paradoxically, trying to carry that burden risks sabotaging the child's progress, because they are limited by the sense of constraint and (often) fear.

Maybe we can reflect on the fact that this density is one of the few places in the cosmos where souls are 'born' from another. In higher densities they are not. A soul is a child of the universe, and creates its own 'energy vehicle'. Whilst there may be 'special relating experiences' between particular souls - like soul families for example - there certainly are no mothers/fathers or off-spring.

Of course letting go of these labels doesn't at all have to mean we're letting go of the compassion we might feel for other souls, and providing support whilst they grow, especially if they're particularly close...

    But one of the most disempowering phenomena I've witnessed here in society is where people believe they have to act a certain way because they are mother/father. Or else children are conditioned to have to behave a certain way. No wonder there's so much rebellion when they get into teenage years.

We need some courage,
to let go of the labels
and just explore how we each feel to be,
not bounded, not limited by definition,
simply free to be, and to come from that place, in truth.
And this is the greatest gift we can ever give to another.
That will be the most priceless 'education'.

Namaste

Open

PS: This article is closely related...The Patriarch Distortion, Breaking into Enlightenment

Hi Open,
Your post provoked more thought and I would like to share what came through for me:

The greatest gift we can give to others is to set ourselves free. Literally. Yes. When we step beyond the artificially conjured limitations of labels, something magical happens. We energetically let others know that it is ok to be themselves and unwind the limitations. In my perception, the further we step away from the role expectations, the further this freedom consciousness will ripple through the field.

Many believe that to let go of a label means becoming the opposite of what it signifies. For example, if the "mother' label means being caring and nurturing by behaving certain way, breaking free from this would mean ceasing that behaviour and becoming uncaring and selfish. It is still a limited perception. We are still playing with the same set of blocks.

The questions I keep asking myself are: What do the "shoulds" and expectations (also of others) are doing to your energy? How is this working for you? Are you feeling stuck in your current role? It is truly awesome if you do, because it means you already know something is wrong with this picture.

The society sneaks many behavioural blueprints into our being since we are born. All this is constantly reinforced by the media, other people, advertisements and it puts us in a virtual, make-believe box. The moment you realize there is a box or there is more beyond, you have awakened. Now, the journey is about peeling off the labels, letting go of beliefs, perhaps finding out that there has never even been a box?

;-)

M.

Hi Open,

Wow, you must have been sensing what is happening for me through the ether ☺! This couldn’t have come at a better time time. Despite moving out of my parents house 20 years ago, I am still having a hard time trying to rid myself of the daughter label and all the conditioning that came with that label growing up. My parents definitely fit the category of those emotionally carrying the burden of their children’s path (my dad will even admit that he sometimes wishes that he could ‘fiddle with our knobs’ and tune us to his preferred channels…). Over the years I think we have come along way together and they have definitely loosened their grip, but for them I will always carry the daughter label with the associated conditioning/expectations, which for me is where the challenge lies. Even when I have detached myself from this label quite a bit, they keep on projecting it onto me and I am often finding it hard to know how to respond in way as to shake off the label. Part of the conditioning is that they always know best/better, so as soon as I try to challenge something, they are unlikely to consider my point of view, but would rather want to convince me why their point of view is right (e.g. ending nowhere unless I agree with them).

In the past, living abroad was my way of creating a physical distance away from the daughter label, but this strategy doesn’t actually dissolve it, so it is always waiting for me upon return to my country of birth, where I am living at the moment. I can feel the strong temptation to run away from it and move abroad again, but at the same time there is some determination to breakthrough the label once and for all…. In the interaction with my parents I have become aware of a lot of the patterns at play when they happen (almost like an observer), but I often still find myself getting stuck in conditioned responses, because I haven’t yet found a different way to respond (and perhaps there is a certain degree of avoiding conflict involved in my responses). It sometimes feels like being a character in a strange movie, where I don’t agree with the script, but end up playing along anyhow, because there is no alternative script available. At the same time, I am very aware that there is still a part of me that has an expectation/attachment to the need for my parents to change somehow (which rationally I know they probably won’t, but emotionally still wish for) and is not willing to accept them the way they are and the daughter label that they have created for me.

In a similar way, I struggle with the label of my nationality/culture, which I don’t associate with in many ways, but particularly when I am my country of birth, I feel the weight of conditioning weighing on me heavily and the attempts from people around me to get me ‘back in line’ if I don’t conform (for example, I am still resisting to conform to the Dutch ‘agenda’ in which you have to schedule your whole life at least 3 months in advance!). At the same time, it can sometimes feel very lonely ‘out of line’, when you are the maverick swimming against the tide.

I am surely creating this in my life for a reason (and probably the whole label is just another veil of illusion), and I have a feeling that there are going to be different layers to break through, but I would appreciate any experiences others have in dealing with the son/daughter labels that their parents defined for them growing up, and particularly any useful strategies on how to effectively change the script!

With gratitude!

Hi M,

After I just posted my response, I noticed that you had been ahead of me and that your response actually already entailed some insights to what I posted. Great to get such a prompt response to my post, before I even posted it :)!

Thanks!

Hey Tulip,
The topic feels like a strong current right now on the Openhand site! Maybe we are both tuning into it! Haha.

Your sharing made me remember how as a little girl I stopped calling my parents "mom" and "dad" one day. I came up with nicknames I use still now. I deeply feel I do not have parents, nor am I an orphan. I do not connect to the concept of being somebody's child. It didn't prevent me from falling for expectations of myself as a parent though, but it's all good.

I'm really enjoying feeling into being undefined now.

M.

Hi M.

My letting go of the "mother" role has been a gradual one, particularly over this past year, rather than a quick letting go as you experienced in your meditation. What I'm feeling into now and releasing is the ideal kind of mother I had attached to being. Rather, accept myself with all my vulnerabilities and imperfections -- along with my fabulous-ness! :) I've judged myself harshly for perceived failings as a mother, so the outer mirror has reflected this back as an invite to drop the judgment. It's my feeling that women, in general, are insanely pressured in our society to juggle, deliver, and perfect a variety of roles that is simply not humanly possible. Time to let the insanity go!

Tulip, I've been there. I reached a point many years ago where I chose to detach from my mother (my father had passed on) and come into myself. My mother placed huge expectations on her children. I took some time away from her and eventually moved across the country with my immediate family for a plum job. I was eventually able to nurture a more respectful, loving relationship before my mother died. However, detaching was a very painful process. To get through it, I used to drive around alone down country roads, music blaring, singing at the top of my lungs, tears streaming down. Wishing you well with this. My heart goes out to you.

Open,you said:

"Maybe we can reflect on the fact that this density is one of the few places in the cosmos where souls are 'born' from another. In higher densities they are not. A soul is a child of the universe, and creates its own 'energy vehicle'. Whilst there may be 'special relating experiences' between particular souls - like soul families for example - there certainly are no mothers/fathers or off-spring."

Those higher densities are my kinda places! Yes, child of the universe! Very inspiring. Thank you.

x C.

There are some excellent viewpoints here - thanks for sharing everyone *OK*

I felt to pick up on one thing you said Tulip, because it highlights one of the big challenges with stepping beyond labels within a very conditioned family environment.

You said...

    " Even when I have detached myself from this label quite a bit, they keep on projecting it onto me and I am often finding it hard to know how to respond in way as to shake off the label. Part of the conditioning is that they always know best/better, so as soon as I try to challenge something, they are unlikely to consider my point of view."

We often talk in spiritual circles about the importance of "speaking your truth". Actually I think its a misnomer. We would best be speaking of "expressing your truth". Why's this apparent subtlety important? Because "expressing your truth" doesn't mean you have to speak it.

If you feel you have to speak it all the time, and in a particular group where it is not accepted, then defending your position simply comes across as defensive and the controlling program feels it has won - so it will keep doing the same thing. And inadvertently you play into the program's hands and remain identified with it.

"Expressing" could mean saying nothing but still radiating your knowing through your field and from your eyes... "I hear what you're saying but I don't buy into it, and I don't need to defend myself because I'm coming from a position of strength".

"Expressing" could mean empowering yourself by leaving.

"Expressing" could mean not answering that phone call, email or text.

Essentially you could be saying "accept me as I am, or don't come into my space".

There often comes a point when we're invited to empower ourselves in this way.

It's about finding the Spiritual Samurai in you.

Open *OK*

I've just arrived here and read this thread in one go from Ettas sharing which resonated shadows of intervention - the experience of the mother - to the flip, the experience of the child -shadows of the 'wrong' parents, wishing it could just change, be different.
I'm enmeshed in a story with a currently very, elderly mother and triggered by 'duty', compassion, contraction around loss, meanness - the list could go on.
But a penny just dropped
I know and recognise the intervention experience as a woman. But wow, never previously had I recognised the karma of being one of those children. Of course! Many of us carry that heritage, that teaching too. The time is ripe to unwind that longing.
This week I saw a piece on the internet about a pair of sperm whales found dead on a beach in Germany. Their stomachs were full of plastic and car parts. What sorrow. What shame. And their karma? And them now having served, free, back in the 'only a motion away' space. And a movement in my guts, a longing for the realignment.
But, but, but
Longing. I'm getting something now about longing as another hook. Even when it's for alignment ''tis another trick, and another resistance to the flow
Anyway I'm heading for playing with ideas here. Thank you for the spike you have given me this morning.

I posted this and then had to come back and edit to add this. I closed my eyes and felt into the longing and had a sense of finding myself in the wrong body. A body not my shape, it didn't contain me. It was a new thing then, not like now where I've had this body for so long I've identified only with it and it's taken walking the path to begin to recognise those parts that have been in the blindspot outside this distorted vehicle..
How many of us feel we are not in the right body? I mean not just people on the Openhand site. I mean generally, in maninstream society. It's everywhere right? The sense of knowing is everywhere but the 'knowing' is interrupted, headed off from realisation by the matrix. It's like a Like a safety catch to head off the knowing into to a further distortion.
Like a double locked chastity belt or a fiendish complex Laberynth with double binds and inter reflecting mirrors.
But we are getting there.
It ain't easy but we are getting there.
With thanks to those supporting us here and from the other realms.
Jane x
.

I'd say there's truth in the longing Jane - as long as its internalised and doesn't need to see a particular outccome. This 'longing', this yearning puts energy out into the field - if aligned, it will become the energy of change.

But yes, there's a place where distortion might own it and turn it into something else - something to watch for.

Open :-)

After reading the recent posts here, I felt to add that as well as letting go of limiting and defined ways of being a "perfect" mother, I am also deep into letting go of expectations of my children. For example, my children have expressed concern about how they would look after their parents as they age and might perhaps need help. Both my husband and I have made it clear that they must follow their own paths with heart and not make any decisions about their parents based on a sense of burdensome obligation. And that if it occurs down the road that we do need some care, we will look to paid professionals, not our children. This is hard for them to come to terms with. They are subjected to so much programming around looking after aging parents. In all of this, I am emphasizing that it's best to stay present to the Now and not get lost in future worries that may never occur.

I've become aware that I have held certain expectations about how my children should behave and perceive me as their mother. And when that hasn't happened, it has caused me pain. So part of my letting go is to accept whatever feelings my children have about anything, including me. Mixed up with all this is the conditioning and programming children and parents are subjected to about how they "should" behave in their roles/labels, which limits authentic expression, as Open points out.

These days, I am refining my communication skills as best as I can to keep soulful, honest exchanges of feelings as compassionate, kind, and as respectful as possible, both ways, me to them, and them to me. Bypassing drama and striking the right note is not always easy by any means! Big sigh here. Being here in 3D is so very humbling. I had a heartfelt exchange with my children recently about seeing each other as souls, not roles, engaged in our own karmic evolutionary journeys. I could feel a shift in energy when I expressed this.

We are all called to keep it real no matter what with as much compassion as possible. Sometimes that means we hurt one another. C'est la vie.

x Cathy

It's been a long time since I posted anything...I'm so glad and encouraged that I visited this forum this evening. Thanks for the beautiful posts about mother and child expectations,daughter role, expressing your truth etc.etc. And thank you Open for your wonderful great new video as well!
I long to feel through the tightness more and more instead of avoiding it or being squashed bij drama and disappointment which at times turns me into an angry and depressed person. Thank you all so much!!

Hi everyone.

What rich explorations in this thread. It's right at the forefront of my own explorations at the moment. I have two young-uns (5 and 2). I have often fallen into the trap of 'acting' the parent. Many of my distortions with parenting have revolved around teaching - showing them their own distortions or more aligned ways of doing things. However, I am now coming to realise that this is just a mirror of my own distortions and that I am projecting.

I am now realising that any form of behavioural teaching is a judgment - it limits the potential for the child to express their soul expression, even if you can see it is distorted in some way (for example harming someone else to get their own way). I am realising that it's so important to come from the energy first, which means honoring both my way of being and theirs. It's amazing how just giving them the space to feel for themselves, they eventually come to their own realisations.

I was surprised by my partner some time ago. She has very little intellectual understanding of spiritual concepts, yet she often shows an innate understanding through her behaviours. I was saying that my daughter is seldom grounded and, how can we bring her back to the moment? She replied that, maybe that is her moment, to be away with the fairies. I thought, yes, it's where she's at.

In terms of the label of being a 'father' or 'mother' I'd like to say that at the moment I have no problem with being the 'daddy' as long as it falls within my own soul frequency. For example if the child wants me to play a game - I would never play that game normally by myself, but I can tap into my own sense of playfulness. If the child needs to feel protected because they are afraid, I will just tap into my own sense of calm and fearlessness. That way I'm not becoming a separate ego identity (the father), but I'm just radiating my own expression.

And, if I don't feel like playing that moment, then perhaps that's what the child needs to hear as well. As long as I express it with compassion, then the child will feel that (thanks Open for that insight).

love to all,
Richard

In reply to by Richard W

Hi Rich,

Your last point really hit me. When my children were growing up (they're adults now), I pushed myself mercilessly to do things with them and for them, ignoring my own needs. Now I see that both my children display the same tendency with others. It reminds me of the passage in the Bible that goes something like this: The fathers have eaten sour grapes and the children's teeth are set on edge.

It's such a powerful example for children when parents say an authentic no when they don't feel to do something. A powerful way for them to learn self-empowerment and boundary setting.

x C.

Hi Open, I have tried to go deeper. Sometimes the pain is excruciating and I can feel it coursing up and down my back with intense tingling moving under the pain (weirdly I am beginning to enjoy this pain!!). The pain sometimes spreads to my womb, uterus, guts and very strong in my pelvis, this pain I do not enjoy. It literally feels like something is growing inside me that is going to rip me open and sometimes my legs feel like they belong to someone else or like they will drop off due to lack of blood flow. The pain sometimes continues for a few hours in the pelvis and I am trying to allow it all to flow through me and accept that it is there. Today I am seeing images being formed and moving/dancing in the clouds which is a first. I have seen images like this formed from shadows on walls for a couple of months now. It happens when I am thinking about absolutely nothing. They feel harmless, but they do take me slightly out of my state of being as I begin to try and work out what I am being shown. I also get shown colours and sometimes cartoon like images when I close my eyes. I don’t go searching for it, it just happens naturally and again I begin to try and work out what I am seeing but don’t get very far. I have had a couple of mini shamanic journeys recently and I always get shown images in cartoon form. I know I watched and loved cartoons when I was little but I have no idea what this all means or if it is even connected with this past life karma. I would really like to work this out without the help of a facilitator if possible but if you still feel that I would benefit from seeing someone please could you point me in the right direction? I felt disempowered after your message suggesting a facilitator and I am not sure why – perhaps thinking I can do everything myself as a distortion or perhaps because I am so passionate about helping others in the future that I believe I have to really go through the deep shit alone in order to facilitate deep transformation for others. Thank you again for your time on this, I really appreciate all I have learnt and continue to learn from you. Love Etta 

Hi Etta,

I'm not surprised it's challenging - it sounds like you're handling it really well *ok*

It's definitely tough karma - it clearly goes back to the intervention and how Homo Sapiens was seeded. Countless women carry this karma unknowingly around with them. Eventually there comes a time when it must be confronted, processed and released. It's clear that time is now here for you.

It's no weakness to work with a facilitator. A good one will help point you in the right direction and empathically hold the space for you. I'll email you and recommend one. You'll be doing the work yourself, just supported as you do so.

If you find yourself being distracted into the clouds etc from time to time, I'd say that's no bad thing. If you're full-on processing, a break can be good.

I'll be in touch

Open

I just want to say thank you to everyone who responded on this thread. At the time I didn't resonate much with the replies but I have just been reading through them again and realise that masses of it resonates about being a mother/parent and also being a child. I have been unravelling many layers connected to this karma with the help of facillitation from Michelle and have been continuing shedding layers myself too. I have started to be kind to myself and letting the self-judgement slip away each time I notice a distortion. On Friday I had my first client and I was nervous, so I got pretty angry at Maddy for getting toys out in the space I had created ready for the client, I quickly reflected on the bahaviour and apologised to her for being so unreasonable and explained that people are usually horrible because something else is going on for them underneath and that it is not her fault. I explained that I was nervous and that I learnt from a young age to get very angry because I was taught that being nervous is a sign of weakness. I asked her if she could forgive me and she looked me right in the eye and said 'of course I can mummy, i love you' - what an angel to forgive so quickly, she is inspiring. This instantly melted the situation as it always does. Our relationship has improved hugely these last few months since I realised that making mistakes is totally ok, as long as I try and learn from them and acknowlegde them to her so that she doesn't carry on these same messed up angry, controlling parenting traits. It feels great to break and mend conditioning.
With love to you all
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